‘Valerian’ Contest Results

The appeal of that little model spaceship with the ‘Valerian’ Ultra HD gift set must be pretty strong. Last week’s contest got a lot of entries. Let’s see who takes it home.

As explained in the original post, we challenged you to provide funny or clever captions for the following image:

And the winner is…

Honorable Mentions

  1. Barry D: I told you already, there’s no way I’m doing a scene with Al Franken.
  2. Doug R: “I got my teeth capped. What do you think?”
  3. Scott: How many times do I have to tell you, yes, these are my real eyebrows!
  4. Julian: Besson and the Movie that made a Thousand Dollars.
  5. Oguz: Is there something in my teeth?
  6. EM: “What does the management of this theatre mean, ‘POSITIVELY NO REFUNDS’?!?!!!”
  7. Scott: My only hope is the overseas box office!
  8. NJScorpio: “Okay, now…once again…in this scene, we really need to see some chemistry between the two of you, otherwise the audience won’t care what happens. So now, look at Valerian like….no…not like that…”
  9. David S: “No, I don’t want to borrow your tweezers! Why do you keep suggesting that?!”
  10. CSm101: “No 3d release in the U.S.!!? GRRRRRRRRR!!!!”
  11. Mica: Cara Delevingne’s Agent: “Cara, I just read the most wonderful script and the director wants you to play the lead. The character in it is a strong, independent woman who is complex, smart-as-a-whip and fully fleshed out. It only pays $100,000 but I really think this is the right move for you career.”
    Cara Delevingne: “Hmm, it sounds tempting. Any other offers I could take into consideration?”
    Cara Delevingne’s Agent: “Uh, well, WB has this other part that pays $5,000,000 in which you’d be playing a superficial damsel lacking in the department of insight and depth, ultimately making you an objectified pawn to the male gaze but…”
    Cara Delevingne: “Richard…Richard…what did we talk about?”
    Cara Delevingne’s Agent: *sighs* That the best thing we can do for female audiences is to take the highest paying work possible, then years down the road, disown said role, saying it poorly represents women, despite getting to keep the money in question and despite knowing what we were getting into.”
    Cara Delevingne: “Very good.
    *now speaking through her teeth*
    Now get me that contract.”
  12. Dan: First things first. Where’s your shitter? I’ve got a turtle-head poking out. I’m not kidding. I’ve got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aw, it’s squidgy. Christ, I’m gettin’ all emotional from it, ya know?
  13. Chris M: Is my “fierce face” fierce enough? I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it.
  14. Elizabeth: Fifteen years later, the cancellation of Firefly still stirs up string emotions.
  15. Jonathan: “Stop sending me FarmVille requests!”

The Winner!

Bryan knows how the entertainment industry really works:

First Suicide Squad and now this? I might have to sleep with Harvey Weinstein to get any decent parts in this town!

Congratulations to Bryan for winning ‘Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets‘ on Ultra HD Blu-ray, and thanks to everyone else for participating in our contest. Be sure to enter our ‘Logan Lucky’ contest before the deadline on Friday.

Valerian Gift Set


  1. Barry Dowell

    Congrats Bryan, you beat me to the punch on that one. Hope you enjoy the disc and the collectible. (If you find you want to pass along the collectible, I’d be interested, looks like a cool item)

  2. Timcharger

    I thought I had an entry with all the same beats as the winning quote. Don’t know who submitted first, plus similar ideas do spring independently. And of course, Josh hates me.

  3. Bryan Toth

    Guess I got my entry in just in time – sounds like a lot of people had similar thoughts. 🙂

    I had completely forgotten that it included the ship collectible – that is pretty cool. Definitely excited to get it!

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