‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ Contest Results!

I’ve got to say that, based on all the creative entries we received, I think that last week’s ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ giveaway may be my favorite so far of all the contests we’ve run here in the blog. You guys really rocked this one! Now it’s my turn to sort through all the submissions and pick two winners. Follow after the break to see who won.

As explained in the original post, the challenge was to answer the following question: If you were a Transformer, what would your robot name be and what would you transform into?

Sadly, I only have two copies of the ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon‘ Blu-ray to give away. Without further ado, here are the…

Honorable Mentions

I really like that we received a lot of serious responses to this question in addition to the jokey ones. I loved them all. I’ll start with the funny entries.

HuskerGuy got right into the swing of things with the very first entry to the contest:

I would be One-Liner and I’d transorm into a Autobot motorcycle. One-Liner would only speak in one-liners, such as “That really revs my engines” or “I’ve heard of engine freeze before, but this is ridiculous” or “Go ahead, I don’t shop here”.

While heading to Earth a glitch occurred resulting in me only being able to download classic ’80s and ’90s action films for reference.

After a few movies or seasons I will slowly be able to regain the ability to speak and will eventually become so elegant I win a formal debate against my nemesis, Spin Doctor. Sadly, Spin Doctor becomes so enraged by his loss that I take a cheap shot to my pixie dust cortex that I lose my newfound abilities and am left to only recite quotes from the The Rock.

Dail knows how to pander directly to the person judging the contest (me). In this case, that’s a good thing. I found his entry hilarious:

my name would be douchebag and i would transform myself in to a bad director who makes a trilogy out of toys called transformers and i would make those transformers as secondary characters and put in unnecessary subplots.

Shayne gave us these:

Edsel-Tron: Retired Autobot that time would have forgot if not for the occasional New York Times crossword puzzle clue.

Optimus Prius: Solar powered Autobot who isn’t much help in the dark of the moon.

BetaMax: No description necessary. Committed suicide in 1988.

Morrisphone: Decepticon spy sent to keep tabs on a young Mark-Paul Gosselaar.

I liked all of these from Gareth:

Absolute Zero: To human eyes I am a Zamboni, but because I must transform on a moment’s notice once every two years to fight for the Autobots, I must move from rink to rink looking for work because I inevitably destroy the rink in front of frightened, confused spectators once I transform and skate out. I speak with a Canadian accent, laying the “aboot”s and “eh”s on incredibly thick while being ultra-polite to the Decepticons. Even though I am ostensibly a robot, I crave maple syrup and am enamored of William Shatner.

Tommy Gun: I am a snickering Decepticon disguised as a gumball machine that, along with my other Decepticon pal Crowbot, undercut as often as possible whatever convoluted, stupid plan the Decepticons are hatching, the self-righteous inconsistency of the Autobots, and the inconsequential nature of the humans entangled in the fight between them.

Aquarius: I am an Autobot that landed on Earth in ancient Greece. Finding very few complex machines I could transform myself into, I settled on an Archimedean Screw. Given that I had conversed with the great philosophers, scientists, poets and playwrights of antiquity, my contribution of class to the Pyramids of Giza sequence during Revenge of the Fallen was cruelly left on the cutting room floor by Plebeian Michael Bay.

Henry David the Robot: I am an Autobot that has nothing to do with the rest of the Cybertronian race, preferring instead to reflect quietly upon the mysteries of life alone at a scrapyard next to an oily factory drainage pool. As I see it, Optimus, Bumblebee, the twins, Starscream, and Megatron lead lives of clamorous desperation. When Optimus and gang ask for industrial-strength staples to help battle the Decepticons, I refuse because I find their war to be unjust. They throw me in robot prison but release me the next day because the scrapyard manager agrees to give them all the rivets and staples they need. I write an e-book on my Transformdentalist musings adopted by hippie robots for generations to come. I can transform into a steam locomotive but prefer not to because the railroad represents everything about modernity and progress that I disdain.

Brandon wrote:

Probably call myself Nerdgasmatron. Obviously I’d transform into the Millennium Falcon.

I, Nerdgasmatron, would slowly take over the world. There would be no need for and Alliance, as I (The Millennium Falcon) would work “Solo.” There would be no question of “Who Shot First?” as I’ll run into to every situation guns blazing. When the cops show up, I’d just enter hyperspace. Instead of Meghan Fox, I’d carry Olivia Munn and Felicia Day around on my robot shoulders. I’d also speak publicly at Every Comic-con.

Kam wrote:

Name: Error1015
Allegiance: Decepticons
Function: Reconnaissance
Alternate Mode: iPhone/iPad

Brian wrote:

I’d be called a Proprietarytron and I’d transform into any Apple product.

Too soon for the Apple jokes? No, I don’t think so.

Tim wrote:

Decepticon: Vertigo-Spin

I have the ability to warp (camera speed) space-time.

Instead of cool plasma canons, building crushing tentacles, or molten metal axe-blades (that look like they belong in a Dungeons & Dragons movie instead of a robot movie), I have a movie-camera-shaped gun.

When I fire my gun, the film turns to super-slow-motion speed. No matter what you do with your blu-ray player remote, fast-forwarding cannot affect the slow-mo sequence. (Yes, my powers go beyond the movie world. No firmware update can defeat my slow-mo powers.)

No only does the film go super slow-mo, the camera begins to do a 360 degree pan around the camera-center figures.

If I shot my gun in automatic rapid-(actually slow-fire)-fire mode, the continuous 360 degree panning will compel the center 2 figures to kiss.

I once used my powers to make Optimus and Bumblebee kiss on screen for 60 seconds and a total of 26 revolutions. I set a record of having half of the theater audience stumble out into the lobby with vertigo.

I am the only Decepticon that is actually under contract for all of Michael Bay’s movies.


Jeff wrote:

Mortgagimus Prime
Transforms from a balloon note to a fixed rate loan

Kevin wrote:

I would be called 8-bit and I would transform into the most powerful piece of human technology the Commodore 64. I would so be a decepitcon and would even have a sweet one liner, (This does not compute!!). My only weakness is the inevitable release of Windows.

Anthony M. wrote:

My name would be Xbot, I would transform into a videogame console that Decepticons love to play, then all of the sudden one day I would quit working. I would call it the Red Ring Of Death or RROD for short. They would get so mad that I was made so cheap, they would explode!

And here are some of the serious ones I liked.

Ian really crafted his back story here:

I would transform into a Naval Ship, and guard the seas. I’d be an Autobot, and a close friend to Sentinel Prime. Before on Cybertron, I was part of the Guard, an elite squadron of the baddest Transformers around, and I’d be protecting the AllSpark. Here on Earth, I scan an aircraft carrier, like the USS John C. Stennis, and transform into a giant Transformer. I’d be able to hover over the water, or I can transform into my Stealth Force mode, and deploy dozens of weaponry all around. In order for me to hover, I’d need a lot of space though. I would be the fastest aircraft carrier ever, and if my Autobot friends needed me desperately, I would open a Space Bridge housed inside of me, given by the great Sentinel Prime himself. I speak in a deep tone, but more Autobot sounding.

And my name is Sephirus Primos.

This one from J. Morgan sounds like it’s a joke, but it’s really no sillier than many actual Transformers that Hasbro has created:

My name is Incorrupticator. My main transformation is a monster truck, where I’ve been known to literally crush any opponent. I’m a purecircuited Decepticon who’s infiltrated the Autobots. I’ve earned trust with the Autobots with my nifty name Incorrupticator. I’m serious. They’re that gullible. Sounds promising, right? Wrong. I’m going to destroy them from the inside out, and ultimately enslave the human race.

Anthony S. wrote:

My decepticon name would be “Diablo”. As the name might suggests, I would transform into a Lamborghini Countach. I would be a soldier for Megatron always wanting to fearlessly engage autobots in hand-to-hand combat. I would be most known for my particular distaste for Bumblebee and a desire to replace Starscream as Megatron’s closest lieutenant.

Aaron wrote:

I would be Bolt Action, an Autobot who functions as the Autobot’s sniper/recon bot. He would turn into an F-14 Tomcat (a plane known for it’s ability to engage up to 4 targets at 100 plus miles) allowing him the speed and mobility to place himself anywhere in the combat environment quickly and dynamically as the situation dictates. He would have the ability to cloak himself for camouflage from visual, energy, and heat sensors while stationary. His advanced sensors would provide him the ability detect Decepticons in almost any environment and provide that intel to the rest of the Autobots.

And now it’s time for…

The Winners!

For the two winners, I decided to pick one serious entry and one funny entry. On the serious side, I like this one from Dennis because it seems like a totally plausible Transformers character to me:

My name would be BuzzKill. I’d be a transformer the size the size of an average bee and take the form of a bee. You might say, “What the heck really?” But the way I see it with my size, id be able to infiltrate into any enemies inner core system and destroy them from the inside. A “buzz kill” in deed. My arsenal would compromise of EMP blasters (to completely immobilize/destroy any enemies cerebral matrix) and the Mimi turrets along the bottom of my abdomen. BuzzKill would be used for special covert operations.

How has Hasbro not yet made this toy? This is a perfectly fitting addition to the Insecticons or Beast Wars lines. I definitely would have had this sucker in my collection when I was 10.

And for the funny, this trio of entries from Crucial Cinema hit that sweet spot where Transformers fan and home theater nerd overlap. I laughed a lot at these:

Net Flix: Originally an Autobot but now a Decepticon. Transforms from a much loved revolutionary media company into a customer hating laughing stock and nobody sees it coming……..

Face Book: Deception that waits until you are used to its current form then immediately transforms into a much less useable and recognizable form which once you are used to transforms into a much less useable…………….

Blu Ray: Transforms beautifully but very slowly, in fact so slowly that it is defeated by Film Stream and is buried on the dark side of eBay with deception HD DVD

Congratulations to Dennis and Crucial! You’ve each won one copy of ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ on Blu-ray.

This contest was a lot of fun. I hope to do another one soon.


  1. i’m torn . first of all i’m happy that i got honorable mention , but i did it for fun and not wanting transformers but now that i lost im like ugh i didn’t win. also i don’t know if i should congratulate the winners of feel bad for them. 🙂

  2. Very excited to have won! Just rented the movie at the weekend and the audio makes for the best demo material I have ever heard. Reading them back I guess the iPad really wants to correct Decepticon to Deception 😉

  3. There are some classics there! 😀 Congrats to the winners!

    Being from the UK, I couldn’t enter, but I thought I’d post my ideas anyway, just for a laugh… 😉

    iSurface (decepticon) – I’m a revolutionary new gadget, with no buttons. You swipe fingers on me, and look at websites. I will infiltrate your homes and businesses, replacing those cumbersome keyboarded devices by impressing you with my sliding gallery pictures and telling you I can do everything (with many hours of advertising). Then, when you’re least expecting it, I’ll destroy your planetary business infrastructure by cunningly not having a simple physical keyboard when you want to do more than facebook or watch youtube!! You’ll have to lay me flat in an awkward position, and use half my screen for a visual keyboard that mistypes half of what you press! Your economies will collapse as you take too long to do anything productive and watch your gallery swipe from side to side as your world burns! Mwahhhaa!! My evil knows no bounds…

    Printertron (decepticon) – I’m be a revolusionary wireless printer that you don’t have to keep your laptop connected to when you want to print. But in my cunning plan to stop the human passage of information, whenever you want to print anything quickly at short notice (and can’t find the physical cable), I’ll require an incredibly large software update before I print, and your plans to physically print an important document for something will be scuppered!! Human society will collapse! Mwahhhaa!! My evil knows no bounds…

    Cowellatron (decepticon) – In my decepticon form, I am an automated music mixer. In my humanoid form, I shall infiltrate your televisual programming, and introduce mindless infantile competition shows about ‘singing’ and ‘talent’. These will hypnotise human audiences with flashing colours and stinging statements about the quality of the contestants. My creations will sap human intelligence and your human will to live. Before long, the human race will be our square-eyed mindless slaves. Every now and then, a slave will be allowed to perform in a competition against the others, and this activity will keep them all subdued and under control… Mwahhhaa!! My evil knows no bounds…

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