‘Frozen Planet’ Contest Results!

Last week, we offered you the chance to win ‘Frozen Planet‘ on Blu-ray. All you had to do was make up a funny caption for a photo, and you really came through with some great ones. Want to know who won? Read on to find out!

Honestly, I was worried that I hadn’t given you enough to work with in the original post. Would a simple photo of a polar bear be enough to inspire some good jokes?

I needn’t have worried. It pained me to have to narrow all the great entries we received down to a handful of Honorable Mentions and two winners, but that’s the job I’ve been tasked with. Here, then, are some of my favorites:

Honorable Mentions

HuskerGuy’s entry may have been an obvious reference, but it’s still really funny:

You guys have a Coke you can spare?

Likewise for Christian:

What?!? Can I get some privacy here? Now, where did I leave the Charmin?

And, yeah, Paul too:

What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?

Bad puns are the best kind of puns, like this one from Doc:

This is enough to turn a bear bipolar.

And this one from Valentin:

What?!#? I can “bearly” hear you.

Or this obvious, but extremely necessary, pun from EM:

Global warming? Unbearable.

I love Brett’s ‘Johnny Dangerously’ reference:

This place is full of ice holes!

Kris gave us this great reference to ‘The Office’:

Polar Bear: Question. What kind of bear is best?

Me: That’s a ridic-*gets mauled*

Polar Bear: False. Me.

Cal offered up this ‘Seinfeld’ reference:

Women know about “shrinkage,” right?

Brian came in with this ‘Game of Thrones’ reference:

So I said, “Maybe I will take the Black, and freeze to death waiting for Wildlings. And all the members of my house will be sad, and I’ll be laughing, laughing from my grave.”

Paul wrote:

“Hey, did you guys see me in Lost?”

Matt wrote:

“Don’t run. Helicopters can smell fear.”

“Bear need food. Bear walk on ice. Bear should stop referring to self in third person.”

J.J. wrote:

I suggest you consult Google Maps on this one.

Matthew wrote:

“So this is what happens when you tell your friends you are a Nickelback fan….cold and alone.”

It’s a shame that Alex won another of our contests within the past year, because otherwise his little ditty here would have been a finalist. I would never have imagined that “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” could be so creepy!

If you go out in the cold today
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the cold today
You’d better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day the polar bears eat you for lunch.

Luncheon time for polar bears,
The fuzzy polar bears are serving up nosy filmmakers.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them gnaw on tasty femurs.
See them viciously stalk about.
They love to snarl and growl,
And never have any cares.
At six o’clock their mommies and daddies
Will bring another snack
Because they’re hungry little polar bears.

If you go out in the cold today,
You’d better not go alone.
It’s chilly out in the cold today,
And safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day the polar bears eat you for lunch.

The Winners!

Our perpetual Honorable Mentionee Shayne hasn’t actually won one of our contests since 2010. I think it’s about time to give him another prize for banging out this batch of ten entries, at least eight of which are golden. I’ll let you puzzle over which eight I’m referring to, but I have to admit that it was the ‘Man v. Food’ reference that pushed him over the top for me.

1. 2,000 Flushes Blue

2. Who says a bear always shits in the woods?

3. Don’t just stand there, throw me a goddamn rope!

4. All this water and Bear Grylls STILL drank his own piss!

5. Pole ‘er? I hardly know ‘er!

6. Oddly enough, I’m really more of an autumn.

7. We’ve switched this bear’s usual brand with Folgers Crystals. Let’s see what happens!

8. By all means, tell me again how you’re losing the country…

9. Tonight on a very special Man vs. Food…

10. So, no Golden Compass 2?

Finally, the second prize copy goes to Cameron for this entry:

“Hey Yogi, get the camera! This will be perfect for our documentary, HUMANS!”

I find the idea of animals making a nature documentary called ‘Humans’ hilarious.

So that’s it. Congratulations to Shayne and Cameron for each winning a copy of ‘Frozen Planet’ on Blu-ray, and thanks to everyone else for participating. If you didn’t win this one, don’t forget that you still have time to enter our ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol’ contest. We love giving away free stuff!


  1. Willie

    lame…clearly mine were WAY better…:)

    totally kidding…congrats guys! Shayne, yours made me laugh pretty hard. Well deserved!

  2. Shayne Blakeley

    Interesting. I just got a box with a letter saying my Frozen Planet DVD was on the way, and a giant foam penguin “hat.”

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