Fifty Shades Darker

‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Contest Results

I’m so sorry to do this, but I’m going to have to send copies of ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ to two of our readers. I know, you only entered the contest as a joke. I get it. Nevertheless, you did enter, and now I’m obligated to give out the prize. My condolences.

As explained in the original post, we challenged you to provide funny or clever captions for the following image:

And the winners are…

Honorable Mentions

  1. Bill M: If you were Tom and I were Nicole, if this was a Kubrick film, and if you’d just FORGET THE DAMN CUFFS…
  2. Csm101: Anastasia: “Put that champagne down, champagne is for closers only!”
  3. Jared M: “I will beat you senseless with a dildo if you make one peep this entire party.”
    *sniffles* “You had me at dildo.”
  4. Bernie W: I can’t wait for the party to be over so we can go back home and revise our relationship contract.
  5. Alex: Masquerade!
    Every face a different shade (50 of them)…
    Look around – there’s another mask behind you!
  6. Deaditelord: Anastasia: “You are so going to think about that other woman’s ass when we have sex later tonight aren’t you?”
    Christian: “Yes… Yes I am.”
  7. David S: “Lone Ranger? No, I’m the ‘Bone Ranger,’ honey.”
  8. Julian: Hickman & Peck cosplaying at Comic Con 2017.
  9. Michael C: Can you believe we signed up to do three of these *ucking movies.
  10. Derek: Hi ho careers! Away!

The Winners

Poor Chris. In one of his comments, he quipped: “Seriously though. This is one of those contests that if you win, you still lose.” Looks like you’re going to lose this one, Chris, because this was genuinely one of my favorite entries:

Even Meat Loaf wouldn’t do that.

The second copy I’m giving to Timcharger as punishment for his continual whining about how he never wins any of our contests. How’d ya like this one, Tim?

Also, his entry was pretty good:

“You have no idea how dirty. If we had a blacklight, this place would look like a Jackson Pollack painting.”

Congratulations (I think) to Chris and Timcharger for winning ‘Fifty Shades Darker‘ on Blu-ray, and thanks to everyone else for participating in our contest. Be sure to enter our ‘xXx: Return of Xander Cage’ contest before the deadline on Friday.


  1. Csm101

    Poetic justice!! 😀. You were robbed again, Tim of House Charger!
    Congrats to you and Chris! You can always fast forward to the nudie parts!

    • Timcharger

      House Charger sends their regards!

      By the Old Gods and the New, I so miss GoT. Thanks for reminding me, we would normally be reading Josh’s recaps now.

  2. Timcharger

    Amazing victory! No one said I could do it. It was a bigly, HUGE upset win. Perhaps the greatest caption contest win ever, and I can say that with great surety. No one has been treated more unfairly than me in previous contests. And I heard there were so many illegal captions submitted, so that makes my victory even more amazing. During my victory inauguration, there were the largest crowds ever. Largest. Period!

    Everyone, pls exit the room. I need to talk to Josh. Josh, I need you to make a vow of loyalty to me. And that rule about winning only one caption contest a year, you want to overlook that detail in future contests. Sure, don’t have me win the very next contest. I do win so much, so I’m a little tired of winning. But let’s say, you don’t need to investigate exactly how many months went by for my next win. Wink, wink.

    Oh yeah, Josh, rush me my winning prize, so I can watch it before my wife moves back in from New York.

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