‘American Horror Story: Asylum’ Contest Results

We had a good, long run for a while there with contests every week. Unfortunately, we’ve hit a bit of a lull recently where good prizes worth giving away aren’t coming in as frequently. Luckily, a pretty great one became available last week. Let’s find out who won the second season of ‘American Horror Story’ on Blu-ray, shall we?

As explained in the original post, we challenged you to provide funny or clever captions for the following image:

Honorable Mentions
  1. Alex: No dead wood here!!!
  2. Csm101: Silent Night, Horny Night
  3. Shayne B: A Nightmare On 34th Street
  4. Joey C: Can you find the third candy cane?
  5. Timcharger: On the set of Bad Santa, we see that Billy Bob Thornton looks about the same without makeup. But Lauren Graham is a totally different story.
  6. Jeremy R: No one wants to know where that candy cane has been.
  7. Jacob: Want to see my Yule log?
  8. Jonathan: “Government shut down? No worries, Santa has you covered – hoe hoe hoes for everyone!”
  9. Juan D: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just an incarnation of evil made flesh brought here to torment my existance!
  10. David S: “Come sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.”
  11. Cliff H: Coca-Cola has their Santa… and Cocaine has theirs…
  12. Angela L: Ian McShane was interviewed shortly after this picture was taken. He was asked: “What was it like dressing up as a perverted Santa and coming to work on American Horror Story?” McShane replied without hesitation: “What the hell is American Horror Story?”
  13. Peter: Well that’s the last time I say “yes” when Santa asks if I’ll help him ring his bell.
  14. Art0330: There’s a reason why I’m smiling and you can’t see both of Santa’s hands.
  15. Austin: “Ever rode the North Pole?”
The Winner!

Let’s all give a slow clap to Brandon here, who really went above and beyond with this epic poem that very accurately summarizes the season and is funny as hell. He’s clearly an ‘American Horror Story’ fan, and I’m very pleased to award him the Blu-ray box set for his effort.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the manor
Every creature was stirring, causing quite the clamor;
The crosses once hung by the chimney with care,
Now faced down, giving hints of the evil living there.
The patients strapped down all snug in their beds,
While electroshock therapy was applied to their heads;
Sister Jude in her lingerie, and Kit in his cell,
Were about to be put through a great deal of hell.
Out in a storm, raining down with the thunder,
Aliens invade the asylum, as Kit is put under.
Meanwhile the lesbian, forced by the physician,
Gets treated with apomorphine to cure her “condition.”
Images of women, bare, on the screen did appear,
As the doctor tried everything to alleviate the queer.
Down the hall, in the darkness an innocent Sister,
Taken over by demons, with the hopes to enlist her
In the war between gods and devils and saints,
While the innocent suffer, tied down with constraints.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, within the bowels of the Institution,
Where Not a soul would be spared, from the Devil’s persecution.

So, that’s it for this contest. Congratulations to Brandon for winning ‘American Horror Story: Asylum‘ on Blu-ray, and thanks to everyone else for participating!


  1. Brandon Erwin

    This is amazing guys, thank you so much! I can’t express how much I love this show, this website, and these competitions. This is the first poem I’ve written in years, and probably one of the darkest I’ve written in my life, but it was damn worth it! Haha, I can’t wait to enjoy this season all over again. Happy Halloween everybody 😉

  2. Timcharger

    Lisa and Amber are proof why some guys are poets.
    Wasn’t Lord Byron a big time player?

    Hey all you other Funny-Guy entrants, in the dozens and dozens of these contests we’ve entered, when has a comedian swooned them like Poet Brandon has. 🙂

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