TV Madness: Morrow vs. Magnum – McCall vs. Kirk

In the last TV Madness match, our competitors gave a couple of valiant efforts, but in the end, superpowers trumped mere mortals. Much to my chagrin, Clark Kent from ‘Smallville’ took out crazy Tommy Gavin from ‘Rescue Me’, while David Banner went all Hulk on Nikita. Today we have the final first-round match-ups. On Friday, we’ll move onto the round of 32.

Both of the remaining match-ups come from the Plasma bracket.

Are you a fan of the more dramatic, stylized dramas of today, or do you favor the easy-going cheese of yesteryear? That’s the question here, since both of these men are quite adept at holding their own in a fight. Plus, they both sport some fine mustaches.

Clay Morrow – No matter what role Ron Perlman inhabits, he’s always the most intimidating character on screen. Perhaps it’s his slight Cro-Magnon appearance. Whatever it is, Perlman has that “Don’t screw with me” look that could frighten off competitors even before blows are exchanged. Leave it to Perlman to become the most feared biker on television in the role of Clay Morrow. Besides Hellboy, this was the role Perlman was born to play.


Strengths: Perlman only stands 6’1″, but for some reason, on screen he looks at least five inches taller than that. He has a certain presence that tells everyone that he’s not to be messed with. Morrow is no stranger to violence, which he perpetrates throughout the show. He’s a bad mofo. Seriously, don’t mess with him.

Weaknesses: While he does sport quite the ‘stache, it’s nowhere near as luxurious or memorable as our next competitor.

Thomas Magnum – Tom Selleck’s defining role, Thomas Magnum lived a charmed life during the eight seasons of ‘Magnum P.I.’ – driving around in a Ferrari, hanging with hotties, and generally being a guy that every other guy wanted to be.




Strengths: He’s cool and calm even under pressure. Well, let’s be honest, living the type of live Magnum lives, there isn’t all that much pressure. Still, he handles his cases well and always has time for partying later.

Weaknesses: His charmed life could easily hamper his chances of getting past Clay Morrow, a man who has seen years of hardened violence.

Clay Morrow vs. Thomas Magnum

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Here we have one of the most iconic television characters of all time, versus one that’s less so. McCall from ‘The Equalizer’ is going to have a hard time matching the popularity and intuitiveness of the Enterprise’s most outspoken and action-oriented captain.

Robert McCall – Sporting one of the coolest nicknames in all of television, Robert McCall was known as ‘The Equalizer’. He’s hired gun with secret operative training who offers up his specialized services to anyone who needs his help.




Strengths: Look at him holding that gun up there. Now that’s some intimidating stuff.

Weaknesses: Even though his show ran for more seasons than the original ‘Star Trek’, McCall is not nearly as popular as Captain Kirk. No matter how ferocious he may look holding a machine gun, he’s probably no match for Kirk’s insane popularity and sheer awesomeness.

Captain James T. Kirk – He is the one and only character to be included in last year’s Movie Madness and this year’s TV Madness tournaments to be played by the same actor. James T. Kirk remains one of television’s most memorable characters, even though the original ‘Star Trek’ was relatively short-lived.



Strengths: Kirk is known for his ability to think through every problem, albeit most of the time his conclusions are irrational at the outset. He goes with his gut and always comes out on top.

Weaknesses: His ego has gotten him into trouble one or two times and will no doubt resurface in this fight if he isn’t quick to control it.

Robert McCall vs. Captain Kirk

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  1. Alex

    Honestly, I’m not that familiar with The Equalizer. For some reason, even though I was raised on a steady diet of the A-Team, my parents thought The Equalizer was a bit much, and I’ve never had a chance to go back and watch them.

    However, Clay Morrow easily takes out Magnum. Magnum’s just too nice of a guy. Morrow was a paratrooper who started a gun-running motorcycle gang, murdered his best friend, stole the friend’s wife, raised the friend’s son, did hard time, and still managed to have time to chomp on cigars, ride Harleys and keep an entire town clenched in his iron fist.

  2. Alex

    Incidentally, Clay Morrow is another one I’d love to see fight Vic Mackey. In theory, they exist in the same fictional universe (even though the same actors play radically different roles in the two shows).

  3. EM

    I voted for Kirk, but only under the assumption that it’s all of Kirk, not just half as depicted in the photo. (Even though that half would have some mean fighting skills, he needs his other side to be fully effective.)

  4. Perlman would ruff up Mr. Selleck but you can’t defeat that magnum pistol or the mustache in and of itself.

    Kirk can bite the dust though since while he’s great at wrestling lizards and weird aliens, he has yet to handle an actual gun or win a knife fight, something the Equalizer can actually do.

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