Last week, we offered you the chance to win a copy of ‘The Office: Season 6’ on Blu-ray, simply by telling us about the worst job you’ve ever held. Today, the results are in! Follow us after the break to find out if you’ve won.

(Update: Photo evidence of winner’s story now attached!)

We had a strong selection of entries for this contest. My only regret is that we only have one copy of ‘The Office: Season 6’ to give away. I’d love to hand out freebies to everyone that entered. You’re all deserving.

Sadly, it’s my responsibility to narrow down the entries to five Honorable Mentions and one winner. Even if your comment isn’t highlighted here, believe me when I say that I honestly wanted to give everyone an Honorable Mention. It was difficult weeding through some of the great responses we received. For whatever combination of (entirely subjective) reasons, the following stand out to me.

Honorable Mentions

Brian wrote:

I worked at a large dept store in the electronics dept. It was okay for a while, but then we got a new manager. I have worked numerous retail jobs over the years (along with several professional careers – I am a teacher who needs the second job to stay above the poverty line) and never once had I been reprimanded or written up. I never called in sick, never late, nothing. Suddenly this new douche of a manager gets a little power and it goes straight to his head. We were getting yelled at for not selling warranties, not selling accessories (overpriced cables, etc.) the right way (the TV MUST come first, THEN the cables, or you don’t get credit). Finally he decided in his infinite wisdom to write us up if our customers did not call in those annoying surveys on the receipt AND give us a perfect 100 score. I tried explaining that I had no control over what they do once they leave the store, and that 90 is pretty damn good. Like teaching calculus to a spastic gerbil in heat. I finally told him where to stick his paperwork and quit. I would have KILLED for a boss like Michael Scott.

Brian deserves an Honorable Mention just for being a teacher struggling to stay above the poverty line. That’s a commendable career choice that often goes unrecognized and underappreciated. In addition to that, I think his story of taking a second job selling electronics at a “big box” retail store will strike a chord for many of our readers in this home theater hobby.

Shayne wrote:

Salvaged goods grocery store. Imagine sorting through pallets of rotten eggs and rotten potatoes searching for the handful that are usable. Mixing broken bags of dog food together in a massive gondola. Covering up expiration dates on taco Lunchables. You might be surprised how rancid smelling Faygo Red Pop gets in the summer sun, not to mention most of the customers. The store was owned by my grandparents, and I was eventually fired (thank god) because my grandmother found my book of Nietzsche on the break table, of course opened it up to “The Antichrist” and proceeded to tell me I have no soul. We haven’t spoken again in 15 years.

Pretty much everything about the description of this job disgusts me. The cherry on the sundae, of course, is that Shayne was fired by his own grandparents. That’s cold.

Tim wrote:

Here’s mine.

As a student in high school, I worked at a marina gas bar. Sounds pretty good right? Sun, girls in boats, etc. That part was good.

The bad part was the “maintenance” of the public washrooms next to my gas shack. Every so often I’d have to go in there and “deal” with some unholy mess. I swear that some people have aliens inside them, but I digress.

The worst part happened one summer evening. I was working the pump-out (the machine that pumps out the…crap…from boats equipped with portable toilets. My manager just happened to be visiting at the time as well. As I used the machine to pump out the boat, I heard a loud bang and a whooshing sound. I turned to look — as did many curious tourists nearby waiting go on a scenic boat tour — as a ten-foot spray of green feces exploded out of a ventilation shaft in the roof of the washroom.

After the fountain of filth had dispersed, I looked at my manager and remarked: “I guess we’d better call a plumber.” He just looked at me, and then glanced at my mop and bucket. I quit shortly after.

This is the very definition of a shit job. I once had a job that involved cleaning public restrooms too. (Why is it that the Ladies’ Rooms are always much filthier than the Men’s Rooms?) Fortunately, I never had anything quite this horrible happen to me.

Freddy wrote:

I was 16 in 1985 and an old guy down the road from us raised livestock. My dad made me start working for the guy, and not having better options I took the job. I live in Louisville, so there were distilleries all around and this guy had a contract to take excess rye and grain and use them for feed. So, we got to Early Times distillery and he handed me a shovel. I had to climb down in the bins, brace myself against the wall and scrape the damp grains off the metal walls. It was summer and about 95 degrees. The temperature coupled with all the dust and mold flying around was almost overwhelming. I was shoveling for awhile and the guy yells at me “You doin’ OK?” I looked up and the guys who were NOT in the bin had masks on looking at me. I’m IN the bin, with no mask (none was offered). By the time I got home after four hours, I was coughing and hacking up all this nasty shit out of my lungs. I decided my dumb ass had better go out and get something else, because I figured I’d be dead in a week. Oh, here’s the kicker….I was paid $15 for that four hour ordeal. Needless to say, I didn’t go back for round two the next day. Worst job I ever had.

15 measly bucks is certainly not enough compensation for risking your health.

And finally, Tristan wrote:

My worst job was when I was working part time for a rubber making company, I would Mix and mold and even color the rubber which was pretty tough/hot work as well as carrying the bags of mix from the trucks. Then only to find out I was making Rubber dildos. Errm……$8.55 was not worth the hassle. And I was only 18 at the time. What’s worse was being told we could buy the mis-shaped broken ones at a discount if we liked… Never again

Poor Tristan, this story just makes me laugh. Any job where one of the “perks” is the opportunity to buy defective dildos at a small discount is a terrible, terrible, terrible job indeed.

The Winner!

Drumroll, please… Our grand prize (really, only prize) winner of ‘The Office: Season 6’ on Blu-ray is….

Brad, for this very painful story:

I worked for a bagel place. Something was always going wrong. Equipment, less-than-intelligent employees, etc. I once worked 17 days in a row without a day off. Three years I spent at this job, during college. The real reason that this is my worst job is that in my last months at this job I had an accident. While making the bagel dough a compression ram smashed off my middle finger (a third of it anyway). So now everytime a I give someone the finger…the bagel place gives me the finger right back!

The guy lost a body part to a crap job! That’s worth not only our sympathy, but also a free Blu-ray box set.

Brad just sent a photo. Check this out!

Congratulations, Brad! And thank you to everyone else who entered. If you didn’t win this week, stay tuned because we might just have another contest coming up really soon.