Tell me I’m not crazy here. After the break, you’ll find the trailer for the new… ahem… “musical drama” called ‘Burlesque’, starring pop idol Christina Aguilera and Cher. As far as I can tell, this is a straight-up remake of Paul Verhoeven’s gloriously trashy cult movie (and notorious mega-bomb) ‘Showgirls’. Except that it appears to be PG-13. Who in their right mind thought that a PG-13 remake of ‘Showgirls’ was a good idea? Who in their right mind thought that any kind of remake of ‘Showgirls’ was a good idea?!
Here’s the trailer:
You see it too, right? Aguilera is playing Nomi Malone (previously essayed by Elizabeth Berkley) and Cher is stepping in for Gina Gershon as Cristal Connors. And Stanley Tucci is doing the Alan Rachins part. I see that Alan Cumming is in the cast list as well. I really hope that he’s playing the Robert Davi role; I can see him truly taking delight in saying a line like, “Must be weird not having anybody cum on ya.”
For reference, here’s a link to the ‘Showgirls’ trailer. I’d embed it here, but the trailer is absolutely not even remotely safe for work. It has nudity, nudity, nudity, and then some more nudity.
Which is one thing I’m sure that ‘Burlesque’ won’t have. That’s probably a good thing, because nobody wants to see Cher naked at this point.
Listen, as I wrote in my review of the Blu-ray disc, I happen to think that ‘Showgirls’ is a fantastically entertaining guilty pleasure trashy movie. I just can’t imagine why anybody would want to produce a watered-down, mainstream-friendly remake of it with (presumably) no nudity. It’s like somebody watched ‘Showgirls’ and thought, “That movie has a really great story. Too bad about all the sex, though.” In other words, a crazy person!
Is Hollywood really so bereft of ideas that this is what it’s come to – remaking one of its biggest flops and taking away the best part? Are there really no other movies to remake left? What’s next, a remake of ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ with competent production values and good special effects?
It’s madness, I tell you. Madness.