Are you getting impatient to find out who won last week’s ‘Planet of the Apes’ contest? All right, I hear you. No more monkeying around. It’s time to reveal the results.

This contest has a pretty swell prize, if I say so myself. The winner will receive all of the following:

• ‘Planet of the Apes Legacy Collection’ 5-film Blu-ray box set, with Movie Money to see ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’ in the theater.
• ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ Target-exclusive MetalPak Blu-ray.
• ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: Firestorm‘ prequel novel.
• ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes & Rise of the Planet of the Apes: The Art of the Films‘ companion book.

I wouldn’t mind having all of that myself.

As explained in the original post, we challenged you to provide funny or clever captions for the following image:

Honorable Mentions

1. ZapVegas71: “Bath time? It’s only July!”
2. NJScorpio: *sings* “You’ve lost that loooving feeeeling…”
3. David S: “… and so then I says to him, I says, “That’s not what I mean when I said ‘spank the monkey’.” Ahhhh hahahaha!”
4. Csm101: “Guys, I just want you to know that this whole human genocide thing would mean nothing if I wasn’t sharing it with my two best pals!”
5. Trebor: Cheeb, Lomar, and Zam,
   Summer Camp 2876. The best summer ever. Keep on rockin’.
   Zaius
6. EM: “I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.”
7. Aaron M: “I’d just as soon kiss an ape,” she said. “I can arrange that.” And we laughed and laughed.
8. Alex: I am the very model of a primate individual,
   I blow up statues everywhere for reasons indisputable,
   I can tell you all the differences between orangutangs and chimpanzees,
   And share with you the tasty treats that are my own ticks and fleas.

   I captured Charlton Heston with a spear-pike and a rope net,
   When Bright Eyes raised a stink I told him free I never would him set,
   Then went to Dr. Zaius for insightful diagnoses,
   And found out only that the humans never could accept our peace.

   Cornelius and Zera let the shabby human run amok,
   I followed them down to the beach and then I had a stroke of luck!
   I watched as Bright Eyes sobbed aloud when my handiwork he finally saw,
   And knew that I had blown up that enormous metal French broad.

   So that’s my little part in the Planet of the Apes movies,
   I hope you liked this patter-song and Sullivan won’t sue me.
   In short in matters ape and chimp, not reptile or marsupial,
   I am the very model of a primate individual.

9. Emmet C: Ha Ha Ha… Think we’re primitive? Have you read the latest Supreme Court Ruling?
10. Paul A: “You should have seen the look on his face when he found that goofy looking statue in the Forbidden Zone!”
11. Randy B: So I says to her, “Honey, bananas ain’t the only thing built for us to grab!”
12. Leon: ” We just watched “The Planet of the Humans”, LMAO, ape, what will they come up with next ?
13. Freddy C: “Evolution? Ha! I didn’t come from no damned monkey!”
14. Kashtarreaper: Man, puberty hit the Jonas brothers hard!
15. Rob: “The human saw me eating my own poop, and so I turn and said to him, ‘The Aristocrats!’ You shoulda seen his face!”

The Winner

This was a tough contest for me to judge. We had a lot of very funny submissions, including a bunch more not featured above. Alex obviously put a lot of work into his entry and deserves recognition for that, but I’m not seeing the connection between Gilbert & Sullivan and apes. I also must deduct a point for misspelling “orangutan.” (Don’t worry, Alex can console himself that he’s won one of our contests in the past.)

Ultimately, when it comes down to it, this line from Bill was my favorite:

“In my day if you wanted to look like an ape, you wore an ape costume. You didn’t wear a bunch of crazy balls and have a computer draw you a picture.”

Congratulations to Bill for winning the ‘Planet of the Apes’ prize pack, and thanks to everyone else for participating in our contest!