The Sexy New Wii Game Everybody’s Talking About!

If you think the words “sexy” and “Wii” in the same sentence are strange, wait until you see the trailer for Ubisoft’s newest game, ‘We Dare’.

If you follow me on Twitter (and you really should; I talk about videogames, ice cream and the combination of the two), you’ve probably seen this video already. In fact, this seems to have been posted, Tweeted and blogged by everyone at all involved with videogames, and plenty who aren’t.

Remember the ‘Dead Island’ trailer? ‘We Dare’ is the opposite. Instead of being exciting and cool, and leaving me with feelings of hope, I just feel the need to shower afterwards. It’s… well, watch it and then we’ll talk. Oh, and stick around to the end of the video and click on the “parental codes” at the end for a few bonus endings.

All right, so that was weird, wasn’t it? A sexy party game for the Wii just doesn’t seem right. Neither does kissing a controller that some dude’s sweaty hands have been shaking around. Neither does anything else going on in this video.

Ready for more strangeness? ‘We Dare’, which at this time is only slated for a European release, has a rating of PEGI-12. That’s the equivalent of PG-13.

I’m not a big fan of censorship in any form, and I’m aware that the in-game content is cartoony and friendly. Still, a game where the object is to have someone put a Wii remote down the back of their pants while you spank them doesn’t seem totally appropriate for 6th graders. Nor does the apparent strip tease section.

Now look, I get it. The game is made for grown-ups who want to have grown-up fun. I worked at a Wizards of the Coast retail store back when those existed. In addition to selling ‘Magic’ and ‘Pokémon’ cards, ‘D&D’ books and videogames, we had those adult games that couples pick up around Valentine’s Day.

I personally can’t imagine this game ever actually helping a party be more entertaining or instigating that three-, four-, or five-way you’ve always been secretly hoping for. If anything, it seems like a bit of a buzz-kill. It’s manufactured fun that’s cutesy and weird, but it’s not like the Wii is a stranger to awful games.

I have absolutely nothing against ‘We Dare,’ aside from the fact that Ubisoft completely forgoes the obvious choice to spell “We” as “Wii.” It’s just that when something like this comes out on a system widely regarded as being a console for kids, things get a little strange. It gets even worse if this game gets picked up by the TV news.

Imagine if ‘We Dare’ gets a spotlight on the 24 hour news channels with their “shoot first and ask questions never” style of reporting. No, I’m not just picking on Fox News here, though I’d imagine Glenn Beck would have plenty to say about how the Wii will lead to the downfall of America.

Whoa, got a little heavy there, didn’t it? Well, then I leave you with a link to a video that’s only semi-related. It’s ‘Shaun of the Dead’ in the style of ‘Dead Island’. (Thanks for the link, Josh!) After watching the ‘We Dare’ trailer a few times, you’ll need a bit of a palette cleanser.


    • That’s annoying. You’ll have to trust us that it’s gross and creepy.

      The gameplay involves things like sticking the wiimote down your pants and having someone spank you to move the character on screen, making out while someone dangles the wiimote in front of your faces (seen in the banner image, which naturally goes straight for lipstick lesbian smooching), striptease and pole dancing. I don’t want to think about what comes next.

  1. Stefanie

    I’m actually really REALLY glad that the video is blocked. From your description, I think I’d be emotionally scarred to actually watch the ad. Even the pictures have me calling my therapist for an emergency session.

  2. Adam

    In no way could I ever see myself inviting over a group of friends to play a game like this. I guess this is more for the swinger mindset. Or college parties maybe. But I don’t think college students need a Wii game to smack each other’s butts, have two girls make out, or start stripping. That’s what alcohol is for, right? I just don’t see a target market for this. And what’s crazier is that it comes from such a big-name game firm and not some sleazy second-rate developer.

  3. What I don’t get is in what way those Wii characters (the Miis) could ever be considered sexual objects.

    Topless Robot had a post recently about some creepy guy who posted a YouTube video with his Top 10 list of sexiest Sonic the Hedgehog characters. That’s just messed up, and this reminds me of that a lot.

    • Dick Ward

      Josh, you should (or shouldn’t) check out some back episodes of the Games For Windows podcast. They did a segment called “Heroes of the Web” where they dramatically read disturbing and awful things found online. (They riffed on bad videogame writing too, which was a favorite of mine.)

      Here’s a link. Fair warning, it’s incredibly NSFW. Like, unless you really enjoy laughing about the awfulness that is Sonic the Hedgehog Fetishism, don’t listen to this.

      In summation, people made a website where they married characters from the Sonic series. Stick through to the end where they debate whether it’s okay to marry more than one.

      • Topless Robot likewise has a segment called “Fan Fiction Friday,” where they dredge the depths of the internet for the worst, most depraved erotic fan fiction, and add hilarious commentary. A new piece should be available sometime today.

    • Well, Amy from Sonic was kinda cute. I mean, what geek didn’t spend his teenage years with his buddies saying:
      “Which one is cuter: Princess Toadstool, Princess Peach, or Princess Zelda?”
      “Ares or Tifa?”
      “Ryda or Rosa?”
      “Sailor Moon or Sailor Venus?”
      And in later series “Sailor Moon or Sailor Chibi-Moon?” (and if your friend replied with Sailor Chibi-Moon is just a kid, you came back with, “yeah, so are all the other choices, what’s your point?”)

      Back on topic, this will sell fairly well. If LovePlus made a profit, this will.

  4. EM

    For “sexy” games crafted for a “kids’” console, cf. the library of Mystique, which made such notorious games as Custer’s Revenge and Beat ’Em and Eat ’Em. (Admittedly, the console in question, the Atari 2600, did have standard controllers with names like joystick and paddle.) At least Mystique’s games were considered X-rated (not an official content rating) and marketed for adults.