The Trailer Park: ‘Breaking’ Bad

This holiday season brings us the finale to an immensely popular ‘tween melodrama. Hopefully, that means we can finally stop talking about it. Then, next year begins with another modern twist on a classic fairy tale.

‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2’

I’m actually starting to find the ‘Twilight’ movies fascinating, especially when compared to the far better ‘Harry Potter’ films. Whereas each story in the life of the young wizard progresses forward in quality, the melodrama of glittery vampires moves backwards, growing worse with each entry. This final chapter to the ‘tween saga seems like the pièce de résistance of awfulness. The preview looks hilariously bad, with characters who behave like superheroes. (They all come with special abilities!) One vamp even has a Hulk-smash moment. I’ll be waiting for the Blu-ray. It’ll surely offer a great laugh.

‘Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters’

The first thought that comes to mind is: What’s Jeremy Renner doing in this? Second thought: What’s Gemma Arterton doing in this? Both have gained decent critical respectability as actors recently, so why are they so quick to jump on this sort of CGI puke-fest? Sure, a mindless action-adventure spectacle is one way to attract a wider audience, but hasn’t Renner already accomplished that with ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol’ and ‘The Bourne Legacy’? You would think so. Also, this modern twist on the Grimm brothers’ fairy tale looks like something you’d expect for the summer season. Why it is being released in January? That’s not a good sign.

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