In Tuesday’s Monster Madness battle, Orochi overcame Gorgo’s early lead and demolished the great green lizard from Britain. In the other match-up, the Tingler was simply outmatched by a much more mobile Bat Gremlin. Today, we finish off the tournament’s first round with a couple of doozies.
We’ve come to the end of the first round. Some monsters have moved on, while others have been left for dead in broken bloody messes. This match-up might prove to be one of the toughest first round bouts. First we have the demented creation of H.P. Lovecraft’s mind, Cthulhu. Going up against him is the crazy-ass, scare-the-pants-off-of-me-in-childhood monster with two heads from ‘Willow’.
Cthulhu – I don’t know if there’s a more imposing specimen of monster in this tournament. Cthulhu has everything. He’s a towering entity with dragon wings, an octopus head and what appears to be a very human-like body. He’s the kind of monster that makes other monsters crap their pants from fear.
Strengths: Apart from being a colossus in size, Cthulhu’s man-like body provides excellent maneuverability while he’s laying waste to civilization as we know it.
Weaknesses: What the hell kills this thing? Can anything kill it? I really have no idea. Please use the Comments to speculate on how this nightmarish creature can be stopped.
Eborsisk – It’s too bad that the Eborsisk has to go up against such a strong opponent. I really like this monster, even though he scarred my childhood the first time I watched ‘Willow’. The stop-motion used to film him just made it even worse. Computer-generated monsters nowadays don’t have that same feeling that stop-motion or animatronic monsters had. Those two heads just seemed so nightmarishly real to me.
Strengths: He’s huge, mean and breathes fire with startling accuracy.
Weaknesses: Being stabbed in the head by Val Kilmer.
Cthulhu vs. Eborsisk
- Cthulhu (80%, 60 Votes)
- Eborsisk (20%, 15 Votes)
Total Voters: 75
We haven’t had too many demons in this tournament, which makes a Deadite an interesting entry. Most of the other monsters have been created through evolution, experiment or nature gone horribly wrong. Not too many of them have powers from beyond the natural world. Deadites certainly have that. But it’s going up against Kothoga. Just ask Tom Sizemore what a pain in the ass those things can be.
Deadite – This is kind of a nebulous entry seeing that a Deadite can be anything possessed by evil demons in the ‘Evil Dead’ movies. However, I mostly picture the humanoid creatures that form once the spirits have taken possession of a human being.
Strengths: Fangs, many have wings, and they’re really pissed off most of the time.
Weaknesses: The Boomstick!
Kothoga – Seriously, never consume a communal drink at a strange native ceremony in the middle of the rainforest. This is something that you just shouldn’t do. There’s a slim chance you could mutate into a carnivorous mix between Predator and a dinosaur.
Strengths: As seen in ‘The Relic’, it’s really fast and agile. It’s just a deadly monster all around. I mean, look at those mandibles!
Weaknesses: It can die if it doesn’t get the certain protein it needs from feeding.
Kothoga vs. Deadite
- Kothoga (61%, 44 Votes)
- Deadite (39%, 28 Votes)
Total Voters: 72
Cthulhu is an obvious winner for the first battle. I’m surprised to see that goofy monster from The Relic taking a lead over the Deadites, though.
Where’s our monsters?!
Apologies. I had an unforeseen family emergency this week. Things have worked out. Monster Madness will be back on track shortly.
Glad it did work out. Anyway, I don’t mind pausing for a Cthulhu Cthristmas!