March Movie Madness: Kirk vs. The Joker – Balboa vs. Incredible

On Friday, it seemed like the matchups were pretty lopsided. Even with Captain Barbossa’s ability to cheat death at every turn, he still couldn’t overpower Dutch in a head-to-head battle. Fan favorite Boba Fett crushed Hans Gruber in the other duel. Let’s head on over to the VHS and DVD brackets today to check out a couple of battles that may be a little more evenly-matched.

Two fanboy favorites go toe-to-toe in this matchup. We’ve got the man who captained the USS Enterprise and took on foes all around the galaxy, all the while keeping every bit of charisma that made him hilarious and lovable. In the other corner, we have the antithesis of lovable, The Joker. No, not Jack Nicholson’s Joker, Heath Ledger’s Joker. Let’s face it, Ledger’s Joker would kill Jack’s Joker any day of the week.

Captain James T. Kirk – There isn’t a more egotistical hero in this tournament. He’s loved the world over by ‘Star Trek’ fanboy throngs. He took on a Gorn single-handedly, amongst other foes. Also, I must say that if you’d like, feel free to add in any information from the J.J. Abrams movie. Whether that helps or hinders your decision is up to you.

Strengths: He’s one of the smartest and most devious contestants here. He actually reprogrammed the unwinnable Kobayashi Maru test so that he could beat it. There’s nothing that will stop Kirk from getting what he wants.

Weaknesses: He’s extremely reckless, to the point that it may come back and bite him if he’s not careful.

The Joker – Not since Hannibal Lecter has there been a movie villain so full of malevolence that it’s hard to even recognize the actor playing him. Heath Ledger’s Joker is the embodiment of anarchy. He’ll do absolutely anything just to watch the world burn.

Strengths: He’s a villain that you can’t ever reason with. He doesn’t want anything other than power and death. He’s also a diabolical criminal mastermind who thinks up the most elaborate scenarios, which usually involve large amounts of people in danger of being killed.

Weaknesses: Like Kirk, his recklessness could be his downfall. Even though The Joker is a cunning planner, his ego still gets the best of him.

James T. Kirk vs. The Joker

  • The Joker (61%, 123 Votes)
  • James T. Kirk (39%, 78 Votes)

Total Voters: 201

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A modern day hero goes up against an everyday superhero right here. Supreme strength, willpower, and bulging biceps clash when the Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa, goes up against Mr. Incredible. For the purpose of this tournament, we have to assume that these two consummate good guys would be willing to duke it out to the death. So with that settled, which one’s going to come out victorious?

Rocky Balboa – Over six movies, Rocky has defied the odds every time. He’s handed out knockouts to bigger and badder opponents, all the while keeping his optimistic outlook on life intact. He’s such a good guy that he later became friends with his mortal enemy, Apollo Creed.

Strengths: He never, ever gives up. Hit him and you only make him madder. It doesn’t matter if you tower over him like a gigantic Russian tank, he’ll still find a way to bring you down.

Weaknesses: I guess his passion and pride could be counted as weaknesses. They could get him in trouble if he’s ever in a losing fight and doesn’t know when to give in.

Mr. Incredible – Family man and superhero. Mr. Incredible is one of the kindest guys out there, but he still packs a mean right hook.

Strengths: Super-duper strength is his main weapon. Even being out-of-shape doesn’t change the fact that Mr. Incredible can lift a car up with one hand without even thinking about it.

Weaknesses: Can’t do everything all by himself. While Rocky usually goes mano-a-mano with someone, Mr. Incredible required the help of his whole super family to bring down Syndrome, a villain without any super powers.

Rocky Balboa vs. Mr. Incredible

  • Rocky Balboa (50%, 103 Votes)
  • Mr. Incredible (50%, 101 Votes)

Total Voters: 204

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  1. If it was Picard, I’d give it to the Joker. Kirk’s a little more willing to bend the rules though – I put him as the winner here.

    And seriously, as much as I love Rocky, he can’t beat Mr. Incredible.

  2. Aaron Peck

    Surprised there aren’t more comments here. I want to hear the reasoning behind why so many more people are going with The Joker instead of Kirk.

  3. RBBrittain

    I would normally favor Kirk myself, but there’s no other Star Trek characters in the tournament (unless “Kahm” is a misprint and is really Khan). OTOH, the Joker would set up a Batman-vs.-Joker battle in the second round. (Bale’s Batman still has to beat Buzz Lightyear, but if his “father” Zurg couldn’t beat Harry Potter, there’s no way Buzz can beat Bale.) Thus I’ll vote for Heath.

    The other? You don’t say which Rocky, but at least he’s been in shape in some of his movies; Mr. Incredible has NEVER been in shape. Rocky would pummel him to death.

    • Aaron Peck

      It’s all the same ‘Rocky’. He never changed drastically like other characters (Bond, Batman) because he was always Stallone.

      And Kahm isn’t a typo. He’s one of my dark horse picks for out of nowhere. It’s the character Tony Jaa plays in ‘The Protector’ who has one of the best martial arts fight scenes I’ve ever seen. A near four-minute long tracking shot of him kicking some serious tail.

      • RBBrittain

        Thanks for the clarification. I figured it was probably some obscure character I’d never heard of; he wasn’t likely enough to be Khan to deny Heath his showdown. (Even if he were, Kirk would likely have to beat both Batman and the Potter-vs.-Solo winner to get there; I have Potter vs. Voldemort in my final four.)

        • RBBrittain

          Which hints that the Rocky-vs.-Mr. Incredible showdown won’t mean much in the end; the winner faces Voldemort in the next round.

      • RBBrittain

        Speaking of which: Since this year’s NCAA tourney had multiple play-in games (with VCU going from there to the Final Four), why not a play-in for which Bond goes up against John McClane?

  4. Kirk has fancier gadgets than the Joker, plain and simple. This shouldn’t even be close. The second match breaks my heart, I want to vote Rocky, but no way would he take down an honest-to-goodness superhero.

  5. Eric

    No way Kirk takes down the Joker. And c’mon people, Rocky is an icon, make that vote right. If he could take out a roid-fueled Dolph Lundgren, I’m pretty sure he could handle a middle-aged, out-of-shape animated father of two. I know a lot of your voters weren’t even alive in the seventies, but that should be a 1st round knock out.

  6. Rocky is only human though, and not particularly cunning outside of the ring. Also, is Kirk fending for himself or does he have access to the wealth of resources at his disposal? Because I don’t care how many gallons of gasoline the Joker has he’s no match for the Enterprise.

  7. Ivan Gomez

    Rocky is an icon, J.T. Kirk is an icon too, but in a one on one match versus their rivals… I have to go with the Joker and Mr. Inc, Joker may not have fancy Gadgets, but what he likes is CHEAP and he can even call GNN and make someone else do his dirty job.

    You can put all of Rocky´s adversaries together to help him in this fight and they are still a bunch of hard boxers with human powers.

  8. HuskerGuy

    Picked Kirk and Rocky.

    No reasoning on Kirk, other than I think he’s seasoned enough and smart enough to take down Joker.

    Rocky is my favorite movie of all time and my favorite movie series of all time. As Josh correctly pointed out, Rocky ended the Cold War. He also has montages on top of montages that power him up to ridiculous levels, he’s built so many “hurtin bombs” that he would inevitably take down Mr. Incredible.

    Rocky would take a beating for sure, but through his sheer determination and heart he would wear Mr. Incredible out and then make the finishing blow that knocks both Rocky and Mr. Incredible down. Rocky gets up on an 8-count and the glorious victory music blares.

  9. Godstar

    Kirk and Mr. Incredible.

    Joker sucks, he died, how good can he really be? Kirk never died, old age couldn’t even kill him.

    Stallone and Rocky are fail, mainly because he really only had one good movie and Rocky was just a big oaf and could never capture that same magic in subsequent movies. Unlike Mr. Incredible voiced a.k.a Craig T. Nelson is the Coach, and everyone knows the Coach is never wrong and always right. He also saved Carol Anne in Poltergeist, which was much more important than saving the U.S. from the U.S.S.R. as some lay at the feet of Rocky as claim, but in actuality I believe that honor goes to James fucking Bond.

    • To be fair (not that I disagree, Kirk wins without question ) Kirk did die in Star Trek Generations. I don’t blame you for not counting it though. Since it sucked.

    • vihdeeohfieuhl

      The Joker did NOT die! Watch The Dark Knight again. He is not dead. I like to think that he eventually gets loose and starts wreaking havoc again. He is most definitely not dead though!

    • Pedram

      I love how most of the Rocky references are to Rocky IV – my favourite Rocky movie by far. And you gotta pick him over Mr. Incredible because Rocky is not a man, he is a piece of iron!

  10. Bane

    I like Kirk, but it’s no contest when going up against Joker.

    And Mr. Incredible is not a machine! He’s a Man! Rocky can cut him, he can hurt him!

  11. You guys really think the Joker could outwit Kirk? The Joker (much like Khan) has a 20th century mind up against a 23rd century hero. If God himself couldn’t beat Kirk (see Star Trek V…okay, I know it wasn’t REALLY God!), the Joker doesn’t stand a chance.

  12. EM

    The Joker thinks outside the box; but as Dick points out, so does Kirk. A major strength of Kirk’s which Aaron omitted was that he is McCoy’s emotionalism and Spock’s rationalism rolled into one, whereas the Joker is at best only half of that. The Joker would hardly be the first psycho Kirk defeated. If the contestants have their usual resources at their disposal, the 23rd Century starship captain wins by a landslide; if not, it’s a closer game, but it’s still Kirk’s. Besides, Kirk is usually written to win and the Joker is usually written to lose; those are their dramatic natures.

    As for the other contest, Mr. I wins. Although, as Aaron points out, Mr. Incredible needed his super-powered family to defeat a single villain without any superpowers, the villain in question had supergadgets and a diabolical plan. Rocky has neither. He’s an impressive fighter by normal-human standards, but Mr. Incredible clearly has the fighting advantage, even with a potbelly.

  13. I can’t believe The Joker is actually beating out Kirk… It should be a clear win for the womanising one! I mean, heck, I’m a Star Wars fan, but I still know Kirk kicks some serious posterior. 😉 Heck, he can score anything! 😀 (Or that might just be William Shatner, but they’re one and the same really, let’s face it!) That version of The Joker only lasted as long as he did in a single film, through plot contrivance and Batman (and villains) not taking easy opportunities to kill him. He’s completely overrated. Kirk, on the other hand, regularly saves the planet, the galaxy, etc, takes down numerous god-like beings to rampaging hoards of violent aliens, all the while finding time to woo a sweet piece of green voluptuousness now and again. 😀

    As for Rocky vs Mr Incredible… I don’t particularly care for either, but since I find Mr Incredible a tad more annoying and like some of Stallone’s other roles, I’ve gone for Rocky. 😉

  14. Well Joker vs Kirk is really Batman vs Kirk, since joker is batmans chief rival.

    Kirk is resourceful and all, but I can’t really imagine him being much of a challenge for Batman once you separate him from his crew. So if he’s not a huge challenge to Batman, he can not by extension be much of a challenge to the joker.

    • I would take Kirk in a fight over Batman. The dude has given the beat-down to Klingons and the Gorn…you think a pretty little rich boy with some fancy gadgets would stop him?

  15. went with Mr Incredible (isn’t he invulnerable?!) and Joker. Kirk’s strengths are his planning and wit, and Joker has far more on both counts. his preplanning of the Gotham affair in TDK, which came out looking like ANARCHY, was beyond ingenious. you can NOT count him out. he’s too damn good at what he does.

    Rocky, sorry. he’s a legend, but he’s a fist fighter, period, and so is Mr Incredible. i’d like to think Rocky goes 3 rounds, but MI just hits him so hard he is blown out of the building.

    a sad thing about this poll: there’s no Dolph Lundgren or JCVD anywhere on it, is there?!