It’s time to reveal the winner of last week’s ‘Gremlins: Diamond Luxe Edition’ Blu-ray contest. Before we do, I’d like a little feedback from our readers. Do you find catalog titles like this worthwhile for a contest prize? Was the contest itself fun, or would you prefer that we go back to the tried-and-true photo captions?
As explained in the original post, we challenged you to invent new rules for Mogwai care and explain the consequences of what will happen if someone breaks each rule. Here are some of the responses I enjoyed the most:
- NJScorpio: Don’t leave them alone with Bill Cosby…
- Alex: Don’t let them double-dip Blu-Ray releases. They refuse to remaster the transfer.
- Chris M: Never let them vote after eating past midnight. They vote Republican.
- Csm101: Never tamper with their DNA. Then we get shitty sequels.
- William H: Never let them read blu-ray.com – they will give all discs 4-5 star ratings without ever actually watching the disc.
- Timcharger: Never let them borrow your Steelbooks. The Gremlins think they are STEALbooks.
- Kyle: Don’t let them watch television after midnight. Otherwise, they will clean your house with OxyClean and a Shamwow, while riding atop a Roomba and listening to eighties dance hits.
- Javier A: Don’t let them go to the convenience store by themselves after dark or they will be shot at by local PD.
- Brian: Don’t trim the bush. The hair makes the mogwai.
- Julian: Don’t let them stay up late, swap manly stories and make waffles in the morning. They might make an ass of themselves.
- Aaron B: Never let them work on Wall Street. They will become arrogant and look down on all us little people.
- Ryan M: Don’t let them take selfies, it will permanently freeze their mouths in the duckface pose.
- David H: Don’t let them stare at that recent Kim Kardashian picture. It will give them nightmares.
- Dan: Don’t put the batteries in backwards. They Become Furbes! Big Fun … Me Hungry… Yum!!!
- David S: Don’t let them make a meme featuring Yoda – It will be funny at first, but then all your friends will post it on every social networking site over and over again like its a new joke and you will be annoyed.
- phill: Don’t let them get wet from alcohol, they will spawn extremely violent, but dumb and slow offspring.
- Todd: Do not let your Mogwai use your DVR. It will erase all your TV shows and replace them with reruns of Meerkat Manor.
- KiKS: Do not let them watch the Special Edition releases of the Original Star Wars Trilogy. They’ll weep buckets over what Lucas has done to their favorite 80′s franchise… and get wet. Need I say what happens when a Mogwai gets wet?
- Michael L: RULES FOR THE MODERN DAY GREMLIN.
1) Under no circumstances “Swipe Right” using Tinder near a Gremlin. For some reason, modern day Gremlins think you’re finding them attractive and once they realize it’s NOT about them: They get extremely bitchy.
2) Refrain from using the word, “hashtag” near them. They will immediately take our their smartphones and check their Twitter feeds non-stop for the rest of the day. It’s not really dangerous to you but it’s just EXTREMELY stupid to see a Gremlin take out a phone and use social networking.
- EM: Never ever blatantly pander to him in a contest entry. He’ll see right through you and deny you your prize. (But if you must pander, try throwing in a David Lynch reference.)
I loved all of these entries from the appropriately-named MogWHHYYYY:
1. Never let them watch “Frozen.” Under any circumstances. You thought them singing “Hi Ho” one time was cute? Try “Let It Go” times ten thousand.
2. Intermingling Mogwais and Furbies is strictly forbidden. If you do not choose to heed this warning, the Antichrist will cometh. And it will be adorable (but also murderous and hella creepy).
3. Don’t let them watch “Ratatouille,” or they might try cooking and burn your house down.
4. Don’t let them dress themselves. They’ll try to make the ’80s cool again, and no one wins in that scenario.
5. At every opportunity, allow them to tweet. Achieving cultural relevancy, then turning it down, is every Mogwai’s dream.
6. Never let them drive. You’ll end up at a drive-thru past midnight two times out of ten. (The other eight times you’ll die painfully, because they can’t see over the steering wheel.)
7. Don’t send them to college. Frat parties and Mogwais were never meant to mix – and the fallout after about 40 weeks would be disturbing, to stay the least.
8. Don’t let them watch NBC. If a Mogwai ever saw Peter Pan Live, it would be a bloodbath. The chance of even a commercial is just too high to chance it for Parks and Recreation.
Congratulations to MogWHHYYYY for winning the ‘Gremlins: 30th Anniversary Diamond Luxe Edition‘ Blu-ray, plus an autographed mini poster. Thanks to everyone else for participating in our contest!