Weekend Movies: Sparkly Vampires vs. Dancing Penguins

With yet another ‘Twilight’ movie and a sequel to the dancing penguin animated flick both opening nationwide this weekend, there’s something new out there for everyone – except anyone with taste. If Clooney’s new movie was opening wide, the rest of us would be covered too. But since it’s still in limited release, most of us are stuck at home watching sports.

The first part of ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn‘ is going to make a killing this weekend. Since Edward can’t convince Bella otherwise, he’s finally caving in and marrying the equally-pasty human. He plans to convert her to vampirism in the near future, but unfortunately they don’t foresee one huge roadblock. Dead Edward’s dead sperm somehow learns to swim and impregnates Bella with a demon that’s eating her from the inside. Eww.

With that being the entire story of the 117-minute film in a tiny nutshell, ‘Breaking Dawn’ didn’t need to be split into two movies – but Twi-hards will likely be pleased nonetheless. The two frustrated lovers finally get their sex on. Despite the film’s PG-13 rating, the characters thrust all over the place in an R-rated manner. I guess the way the MPAA sees it, because Bella’s nipples are digitally painted out, it’s okay. Have fun explaining that to your kids.

Apparently, studios seem to think that the world just can’t get enough of penguins. The dancing birds are back in ‘Happy Feet 2‘. While the first ‘Happy Feet’ (which somehow earned an Oscar) featured a heavy “green” message, this time the annoying CG creatures need the help of a few humans to get out of a killer storm.

Sadly, the best of the movies opening this weekend is receiving the smallest release. Luckily, it will expand to a limited wide release over the next two weeks. George Clooney stars in Alexander Payne’s first comedic drama since ‘Sideways’, ‘The Descendants‘. Clooney plays a guy too wrapped up in work to pay attention to his family. When his wife falls into a coma during a boating accident, he’s immediately sucked back into home life, and has to break the news to his two girls that their mother will never to wake up. As he re-prioritizes his life, he’s again thrown out of whack when he learns that his dying wife was cheating on him and planning to run away with a stranger.

While ‘The Descendants’ may sound like a heavy and depressing film, it’s actually 95% upbeat, and never slides into negative territory. If you’re lucky enough to live in a region where it opens this weekend, take advantage of that and see this movie. It’s sure to gain Oscar’s attention.

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