TV Madness: Jones vs. Buffy – Cooper vs. Mulder

Well, no surprise here. Jack Bauer won the last round of TV Madness. Even though Xena battles supernatural gods on a daily basis, she was no match for TV’s preeminent badass. In the other battle, MacGyver pulled what appears to me as an upset over ‘Dark Angel’ Max Guevara. He saves the day with household material and never carries a gun. She’s a genetically engineered ass-kicker. It was close, but Richard Dean Anderson lives to see another day. Let’s take a look at today’s match-ups after the jump.

In the LED bracket, we have a face-off with the Young Indiana Jones against cult hero Buffy Summers. In the CRT bracket, we have a battle between two of TV’s most famous FBI agents. Fox Mulder takes on Agent Dale Cooper to see once and for all who owns the Bureau.

‘The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles’ was doomed from the start, simply because the show’s budget was too big for television. Still, to this day, the series remains atop many lists of most sought-after TV shows. The DVDs still fetch a high price, which is a testament to the staying power of Indiana Jones. On the other hand, who has more staying power than Buffy Summers? ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ stayed around for seven seasons while Sarah Michelle Gellar defeated the world’s vampires and demons.

Young Indiana Jones – The ‘Chronicles’ were put together to flesh out what Indiana Jones must have been like when he was a youngster. Turns out he was every bit as cocky and curious as when he grew up into the world’s most famous relic hunter.



Strengths: Cunning, smarts and the power of reminiscing. Well, okay that last one is a trait of the older Indiana Jones, who was featured in this series as he told stories about himself as a child.

Weaknesses: It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen any of the ‘Young Indiana Jones’ episodes, but I’d assume that his weaknesses are the same as the older Indy – meaning snakes! Damn those snakes.

Buffy Summers – She’s defeated all manner of supernatural beasties and baddies. She’s a one-stop shop for monster killing. Being a Slayer is a lot of work, but Buffy is cut out for it. She’s one of the greatest television heroines of our time. Does young Indy even stand a chance?



Strengths: As a Slayer, Buffy gained all sorts of special, out-of-this-world powers like unmatched fighting skills. She’s durable, and has the ability to heal faster than normal people. Plus, she’s just a badass chick who kills vampires every day. You know, the usual.

Weaknesses: She’s constantly protecting the ones she loves from the evil forces in her life. But really, I think young Indy is completely overmatched here.

Young Indiana Jones vs. Buffy

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Two of TV’s most famous FBI agents throw down in the first round. One agent is trying to decipher the mystery behind a murder, while the other tries to decipher the mystery behind extraterrestrials. Both of them seem to have some experience with the supernatural. They’re both very adept at doing their jobs, but only one can survive and move on.

Dale Cooper – Much like Mulder, Cooper is an unconventional FBI agent who has seen his share of the occult and supernatural. Yet he’s also had to deal with real human problems and threats.




Strengths: Cooper has amazing powers of observation and is an out-of-the-box thinker. These skills could be useful in tricking his opponents. He also has a habit of wearing a bulletproof vest seemingly at all times, even when lounging in his hotel room.

Weaknesses: A bullet will put him down for a while, but not take him completely out. He’s vulnerable to possession by long-haired psycho killer spirits. He also gets easily distracted by cherry pie, donuts, and a damn fine cup of coffee.

Fox Mulder – Mulder spent nine seasons trying to find out the truth behind aliens. While on his journey, he ran across all manner of supernatural beast. At one point, he even crossed paths with a garbage monster from Native American folklore. He’s seen everything.



Strengths: Mulder never gives up on an investigation. His hunger for the truth drives him. He’s also very skilled at finding out what he needs to do to defeat the otherworldly bad guys that cross his path.

Weaknesses: Sometimes his drive gets him into trouble, as he wanders off on his own without backup. Also, my favorite running gag in ‘X Files’ was that Mulder is addicted to porn.

Dale Cooper vs. Fox Mulder

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  1. Being addicted to porn is NOT a weakness…Mulder wins!

    (Oh, just for the record…Cooper had just returned from a sting operation at One Eyed Jack’s when he was shot, hence having the vest on when he was shot. Unfortunately, thanks to a wood tick, it was riding up a bit.) Yes, I know way too much about these characters. 🙂

  2. Buffy is a no-brainer. The second match-up I have to give to Dale Cooper, he barely breaks a sweat dealing with all that shit, and still finds time for a good cup of coffee, whereas Mulder always seems like he’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

  3. Niea Vickstrøm

    If Agent Cooper wins, I’ll post a picture of my tits.

    Yes, I think Cooper is that awesome.

    But in all seriousness though, Cooper’s show may not have lasted as long but that has no influence on his awesome compared to Mulder; Cooper is the original “crazy-yet-awesome FBI agent badass”,he has premonitions, and is, in his own words, “a strong sender”.

    When you couple those attributes along with him being able to survive solely on doughnuts, coffee (black as midnight on a moonless night), and cherry pie, you have a win material on your hands.

  4. Twin Peaks is long overdue for a revisit or reboot. That show could easily be very successful in our vampire overloaded culture. it’s similarly creepy but a lot smarter and could easily be like BTVS if done right.

    I also thought the idea of the Black Lodge was a great one and could have really helped to build a great mythos if the show had only run longer.

    They could very easily make a reunion movie or mini series as well, there was so much going on with Twin Peaks that it would have been easy to think that things would have only gotten much more messed up as time went on, even 20 or 30 years later.

    • I long for a TWIN PEAKS reboot…maybe much in the same way as TNT is doing with DALLAS – some new characters, but a few old ones as well. I think (I may be mistaken) that Lynch refuses to do anything more with the charcaters…someone was going to do a “Season 3” comic that would have contined the story and Lynch stopped it, if memory serves.

      • I want to say Lynch had intended to end the show after the first season (or at least hadn’t expected it to last that long.) I don’t think I could stomach a reboot, I’d hate to see different actors in those roles and all of the mystery would be gone. I suppose a continuation could work, but not without Lynch. Just judging by the differences between season one and season two, I’d have very little faith in it if he wasn’t involved and passionate about the idea.

        • I don’t think Lynch ever had a stopping point in mind, but I know that his original intention was never to resolve the Laura Palmer mystery. He wanted that to just be the backdrop to everything else going on in the town. The network forced him to provide an answer.

      • I believe it was Mark Frost who wanted to continue Twin Peaks outside of television. I don’t remember whether the plan was to do it in book form or comics. The plans obviously fell through, but I don’t know if that’s because Lynch stopped him or just that Frost couldn’t get anyone to back his project without Lynch. (He would have needed to officially license the property to continue it.)

        I’m pretty sure that Lynch has said that he still loves the Twin Peaks universe and would like to return to it some day.

    • Niea Vickstrøm

      This is true. The only reason Mulder won is due to his higher exposer vis-a-vis a TV series that was on air longer.

      These contests have no legitimacy and I won’t be following anymore.

  5. I hate to vote against Indy, but Young Indy just isn’t the same as movie Indy… I voted Buffy (Sorry Indy!).

    Second match up is easy… Dale Cooper beats Mulder hands down. Mulder only ever survived multiple conspiracies because the conspirators always handily decided to leave him alive for contrived reasons. Dale, on the other hand, is played by the universe’s super being and has a dream room with a ‘Little Man from another Place’ who talks in reverse… How can he NOT win???

  6. Either version of Indy would most likely get stabbed before they had a chance to punch that vampire hunter square in the jaw.

    As for the two supernatural-hunting Agents, sex isn’t a problem but getting lots of sugar and other unneeded calories can be so Mulder’s got this no problem.