‘True Blood’ 3.08 Recap: Vampire Make-Up Sex Also Icky

While I was a little bit disappointed in the last episode of ‘True Blood’, the show has returned to my good graces with this week’s episode, called ‘Night on the Sun.’ If nothing else, this one features a distinct lack of Fairies. We’re back to vampires and werewolves doing what they do best, which is ripping each other to pieces. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. I know that the Fairies are bound to come back eventually, but I’ll just have to savor every moment I get until then.

The episode opens with Sookie screaming as she wakes up from her coma. After she calms down a moment, Bill tells everyone to leave them alone. Alcide says, “I don’t take orders from vamps.” Huh. That’s weird. Hasn’t he been taking orders from Eric?

In the most ‘Twilight’ of moments, Bill and Sookie break up. They just love each other too much to continue hurting each other. Much crying ensues. (And when vampires cry, it’s not a pretty sight.) Don’t worry, all this angsty stuff will turn around on itself later.

Queen Sophie-Ann moves in with King Russell. Talbot is very pissy. The King tells him, “You’re acting like a century-old child!” An offhand line of dialogue about Franklin’s brains not washing out of the sheets suggests that the crazy vampire really is dead. (I was suspecting otherwise because Tara failed to decapitate him.) But later events leave me still unsure whether we’ve seen the last of him.

The King suspects Eric’s loyalty may not be all that genuine, given how easily he turned on Sophie-Ann. But Eric does a pretty convincing job of pledging himself to Russell. He says that he’s waited centuries for a powerful vampire to rise up and challenge The Authority. However, we know that he’s really just waiting for an opportunity to avenge the death of his family.

Rene is back! Well, sort of. For a moment. Arlene has a nightmare about Terry turning into Rene and cooing over his unborn babies. It’s creeeeeeepy

Bill returns home. Jessica is extremely happy to see him. The feeling is not mutual. He tries to release her from her servitude to him. Jessica won’t go. She begs him to let her stay because she needs a maker to teach her how to be a vampire.

Jason is still pissed about Bill, especially after Sookie’s break-up. Sookie asks him not to do anything stupid. Does she not know her brother at all?

Tara seems shell-shocked by the events of the last few episodes. Lafayette is worried that she’ll turn suicidal again. Fortunately, Tara tells him that the one thing she’s learned is that she wants to live. That sounds like a relief, until she falls asleep and has a disturbing sexy dream about Franklin. She spends the rest of the episode suffering PTSD flashbacks.

Sam kicks his mother out of the house he’d set the family up in. Tommy is sad.

Lafayette’s mother (Alfre Woodard) breaks out of the mental facility and pays her son a visit to warn him that the vampires are coming to get him. He thinks (knows) that she’s crazy. Jesus comes the next day to fetch her, and this leads to he and Lafayette making up.

Crystal shows up at Jason’s soaking wet and with a black eye. Jason takes her in, beds her, and vows to protect her. This won’t end well.

At Merlotte’s, Arlene interviews and hires a new waitress named Holly. She is weird-looking. I mean, really. From a distance, she looks normal and has a busty figure. But her face really freaks me out. It’s just a little off, but enough to give me the shivers.

Tommy picks a fight with Hoyt over Jessica. Sam has to pull him off.

Alcide and Sookie share another intense moment. Unfortunately, he has to leave to protect his sister from Debbie, who has gone on a rampage since Cooter’s death. (“They killed my Cooter!,” Debbie complains to King Russell. That sentence just sounds wrong, doesn’t it?)

Sookie tells Alcide that she’ll be OK. Even though they’ve broken up, Bill will still know if she’s in danger and will come to protect her. Alcide wonders whether that’s true.

Bill trains Jessica how to fight in a very ‘Matrix’-y scene where the two vampires run and flip and tussle all through the house in super-fast motion. It’s pretty cool. Then they have a heart-to-heart about Sookie and Hoyt.

In Mississippi, Eric makes Hadley deliver a message to her cousin Sookie. When she gets to Bon Temps, she has no idea that her grandmother is dead. Sookie has to deliver the news. Then Hadley relays the message from Eric: “Russell is coming for you. Don’t trust Bill.” Sookie wonders why she should trust Eric.

Crystal’s father and fiancé show up at Merlotte’s looking for the girl. Sam smells something funny about them. Plus, they’re obvious redneck trash. He tells them he hasn’t seen her and asks them to leave. Somehow, they already know he’s a Shifter.

Later, Jason goes out looking for them to warn them to stay away from Crystal. Didn’t Sookie tell him not to do anything stupid? They don’t seem to take his threats too seriously.

Russell announces that he needs to leave Mississippi on a chore. Talbot is whiny again, and starts destroying some of Russell’s trophies. As he’s about to smash the Viking crown, Eric intercedes and (with a wink toward Russell) offers to stay behind and keep Talbot company. This seems to work out for both Russell and Talbot, and also (unbeknownst to them) lets Eric save the crown, which was the only thing he actually cared about.

Debbie and some wolves turn up at Sookie’s house to make some trouble, but Bill and Jessica are already there. They have a merry brawl throughout the house that lets Jessica test out the new moves she’s learned. What Bill forgot to teach her, however, was not to leave the house. She runs out chasing a wolf, only to get captured by Russell (who couldn’t have entered the house without Sookie inviting him in). Bill has to choose between saving Jessica or saving Sookie. He believes Jessica to be in more immediate danger, and walks outside. This gives Debbie the opportunity to run upstairs to Sookie.

Debbie and Sookie have a big catfight while Bill foolishly attempts to fight Russell. In the fracas, Jessica runs off and Russell sends a wolf chasing after her. He easily overcomes Bill and stands on the verge of killing him.

Just then, back in Mississippi, Eric is full-on into seducing Talbot. There’s all sorts of naked homoerotic stuff going on here that I’m not going to dwell on. The point being that Eric turns Talbot over onto his stomach. The penetration Talbot gets isn’t quite the kind he was expecting. Eric proclaims that Russell killed his family, so now he’ll kill Russell’s family, and then stakes Talbot. Talk about coitus interruptus!

Russell immediately feels his progeny dying and drops Bill to fly off. Upstairs in the house, Sookie overcomes Debbie, but lets the were-bitch live. That was probably a mistake. Bill races upstairs to check on her, and they immediately have some gross, blood-covered make-up sex. He doesn’t twist her head full-around or anything, but it’s still pretty nasty.

Lest we forget about Jessica, the episode ends with her chowing down on the corpse of the werewolf who’d chased after her, as Hoyt unknowingly drives right past in his truck. It seems to me that every single time werewolves and vampires have fought in this show, the werewolves have gotten their furry asses handed to them. I think perhaps that werewolves are not the badasses they like to pretend they are.

‘Night on the Sun’ is a big improvement over the prior week. It has a minimum of Sam’s boring storyline. Jason’s storyline finally seems to be picking up. There’s another major character death, lots of sex and violence, and most importantly no Fairies. This is much better. Bring on next week!

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