Over the course of his illustrious film career, Godzilla has clashed with King Kong, Mothra and even Roland Emmerich’s in-name-only ‘Zilla impersonator. In this week’s Roundtable, we’d like to pitch some suggestions for other existing movies or franchises that the Big G might consider crossing over with in his next epic smackdown.
Needless to say, most of these ideas aren’t terribly likely to ever happen.
Now that Legendary Pictures has brought Godzilla back to us, it’s time to mix him with the studio’s other gigantic monster epic, ‘Pacific Rim‘. Guillermo del Toro has alluded that future ‘Rim’ Kaiju could be partially mechanical. How awesome would it be to see Godzilla fighting RoboKaiju alongside Jaeggers? Talk about a blockbuster!
Adam Tyner (DVDTalk)
My pitch: ‘House of Sand and Fog and Godzilla’.
Jennifer Connelly (or, you know, the character she’s playing) is a barely-recovered addict who gets unceremoniously dumped by her husband. Her life is in such upheaval that she barely notices all those warnings about supposedly overdue property taxes that she, in fact, already paid. The county boots her out of her house, and the patriarch of a family of Iranian immigrants (Ben Kingsley) buys the foreclosed property for a fraction of its value. The Behranis have already sunk a good bit of time and money into renovating the house when the county realizes its mistake. Of course, the county can’t just shrug its shoulders and fork the house back over to its previous owner. Massoud believes the property to be rightfully his, just as Connelly believes it to be hers. A vicious battle erupts between them, but these enemies are soon united by a common foe: Godzilla. Neither Behrani nor Connelly can stomach the sight of the other in that house, but the threat of it being reduced to splinters under Godzilla’s mighty foot is more than either of them can bear. They also have a weapon in their arsenal that Gigan, Mothra and King Ghidorah never did: a houseful of sand and fog.
‘Godzilla’s Excellent Adventure’
It’s the return of our two favorite time travelers, Bill & Ted – but this time they’ve screwed up and transported the big green guy into their perfect future, where he wreaks havoc. He’s eaten Rufus, become a little too attached to the princesses, and has literally turned San Dimas into his new stomping ground. Before the credits roll, Bill and Ted teach him to be excellent to everyone. The movie ends with Godzilla in a jam session with our two heroes, performing their new hit tune “Go, Go, Gojira!”
As with any great screen icon, Godzilla should battle Arnold Schwarzenegger in his (1990-ish) prime. Sadly, since Arnold is getting on years and unable to rekindle that magic on his own, Godzilla sets on a collision course with the ‘Expendables‘ franchise. Expect Godzilla to be just another has-been name shoehorned in between Kurt Russell and Daniel Bernhardt in a montage.
I would like a nice late Edwardian period piece featuring Godzilla. I’d be happy to see him take on the ‘Downton Abbey’ franchise, or he might be quite lovely in a Merchant/Ivory production. He’d arise from the Mediterranean Sea and make his way through Italy.
I see wide-sweeping shots of mountainous countryside bathed in glorious golden light with Godzilla silhouetted as he tramples small villages, scored with a soaring Italian soprano singing Puccini. I see a family with a nervous mother, a bumbling but lovable father, two fair daughters, and a colicky baby boy. They know they must flee their picturesque village cottage, but worry over their humble annual allowance being enough to enter society in a new village. The older daughter’s suitor, a captain in the Military, warns them of their danger, and gets the family on a stage coach to his aunt’s country estate where they can live quite suitably. Unfortunately, her suitor is quickly killed along with his company when Godzilla crushes the village.
The family settles into the new village and gets on well with the eccentric aunt. Unfortunately, while picking grapes on a friend’s vineyard, the aunt is charred to death by Godzilla’s breath. Her only surviving relative is a reclusive vicar who will only allow the family to stay on the estate if given the hand in marriage of the younger daughter. The younger daughter does not want to marry the vicar and instead wants to join the cause in destroying Godzilla.
The family is torn over what to do. An old friend of the family, a distant cousin, is consulted. He has a plan to capture Godzilla using inspiration from one of Michelangelo’s journals, but he needs the younger daughter’s help to carry it out. She agrees to marry the vicar on her return. The vicar agrees, so long as she is accompanied by a chaperone for the Godzilla capture. Thankfully, the nurse agrees to accompany them.
The film will have an epic period battle scene with Godzilla featuring amazing heroics from the cousin, the younger daughter and the nurse. The cousin’s plan is a success, but he suffers several deep wounds after a slap from Godzilla. The nurse triages the wounds, but is smashed by Godzilla’s tail. The younger daughter stays with the cousin and his mother as he recovers over several weeks. She realizes that she’s in love with him and cannot marry the vicar. Meanwhile back at the country estate, the older daughter and the vicar have grown quite close.
Upon return, a very uncomfortable dinner party takes place. Fortunately, afterwards over billiards, the bumbling father discovers the intentions of the cousin and the vicar and all live happily after. Hasta la vista, Godzilla.
Five words: ‘Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Godzilla’.
What’s the most appealing aspect of the ‘Godzilla’ franchise? Watching the gigantic monster smash stuff to pieces, right? The solution here seems obvious to me. Godzilla should cross over with one of this year’s other biggest blockbuster hits: ‘The Lego Movie‘. Imagine the possibilities for rubble-strewn devastation as the minifig characters construct elaborate contraptions to fight the monster, only to watch him smash and stomp them to smithereens. It’ll have to be in 3D, of course.
What movie or franchise would you like to see Godzilla cross paths with? Tell us in the Comments.