Last week, we started the year with an optimistic look at the movies we most anticipate for 2017. This week, we turn grumpy again. Which of the year’s upcoming movies do you worry may turn out to be dogs?
Once again, if you need a reminder, this Wikipedia page has a quick overview of the movies coming out this year.
I expect a lot of bad movies in 2017, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the films will flop at the box office. (Look at how much money 2016’s ‘Suicide Squad’ made, just as one example.) With that in mind, there are a couple of upcoming titles this year that I think will take a dive with both critics and audiences alike.
Sony can’t seem to buy a hit these days. (Believe it or not, ‘Ghostbusters’ was its biggest hit of 2016, despite being largely seen as a box office disappointment.) The studio is putting a ton of marketing behind the late March release of ‘Life‘, a Jake Gyllenhaal/Ryan Reynolds outer space adventure whose previews look like a cross between ‘Alien’ and ‘Gravity’. It also doesn’t look very good. Basically, it’s just another “alien in an enclosed spaceship” movie like sci-fi fans have seen in dozens of other films. Given the marketing, I expect a decent opening weekend for this one, but I also expect it to fizzle out pretty quickly.
Did anyone ask for another King Arthur movie? We got one back in 2004 with Clive Owen that didn’t do very well, yet for some reason Warner Bros. thinks director Guy Ritchie can pump some life into the idea with Charlie Hunnam in the lead role. Think again. With a release date smack dab between the new ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ sequel and the new ‘Alien’ film, I expect ‘King Arthur: Legend of the Sword‘ to ride away from theaters pretty quickly.
Finally, in what looks like another bad idea from Warner Bros., we get ‘Going in Style‘, which is another one of those “Let’s get as many aging stars together in one movie” projects (think ‘Last Vegas’). This one is a bank heist comedy starring Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret, and it looks AWFUL. It’s coming out April 7th. It should be on home video by the end of June.
I actually thought the last ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ adventure, ‘On Stranger Tides’, was fairly entertaining. Granted, I’ve never had the slightest inclination to watch it again, but overall, I left the theater happy. I can’t say I was in the mood for any future installments, but I definitely enjoyed it more than either ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ or ‘At World’s End’.
The thing about ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales‘ is that every time I see anything about it, I think, “Wasn’t that released years ago?!” This movie has been shooting or in post-production for years now. In the time it’s been in the works, Johnny Depp has gotten married, smuggled dogs into Australia with his then-wife, made a slew of box office flops, gone through a dog-smuggling trial, made a hostage… errr, apology video to Australia, and gone through a high profile divorce. And yet, the movie still hasn’t been released. That cannot be a good sign!
M. Enois Duarte
As much as I’m excited to see ‘Blade Runner 2049‘, I’m also nervous that it will suck. I had the same fears with ‘Prometheus’, and sadly, my worries were confirmed when seeing the results of that one on the big screen. Being such a huge fan of both Philip K. Dick’s novel and the original 1982 sci-fi adaptation since childhood, I worry that the film will be a massive box-office flop much like its predecessor. I’m continuously reminded with each new generation of college students that ‘Blade Runner’ is a mostly forgotten gem, largely remembered and admired by cult collectors and cinephiles.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’m sure ‘Wonder Woman‘ will be a massive success, much like every superhero movie of late. However, being more a DC fan than Marvel, I also worry that this production will be downright terrible or barely muster a pass, like the previous two entries in the DC shared universe. I’m hoping for the best, and I’m sure the movie’s action will look great, but the story could either be average or a complete mess as the studio tries to force a connection with the other DC movies.
I would love it if ‘Logan‘, ‘Ghost in the Shell‘ and ‘Alien: Covenant‘ turned out to be incredible movies worth their respective properties, but really, a good Wolverine movie? I’ll believe it when I see it. As for ‘Ghost in the Shell’, the director and star don’t suggest an amazing adaptation, but rather something more like an ‘Aeon Flux’ encore. Finally, I still cringe at the mere thought of ‘Prometheus’, and so I’m not expecting ‘Covenant’ to be redemptive.
‘xXx: Return of Xander Cage’
‘The Space Between Us’
‘Pirate of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’
‘World War Z 2’
‘Transformers: The Last Knight’
‘Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets’
‘John Wick: Chapter Two’
‘The Lego Batman Movie’
‘Kong: Skull Island’
‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’
‘King Arthur: Legend of the Sword’
‘War for the Planet of the Apes’
‘The Dark Tower’
‘Kingsman: The Golden Circle’
Adam Tyner (DVDTalk)
I’m one of the eight people who genuinely dug Platinum Dunes’ ‘Friday the 13th‘ reboot in 2009, but I’m bracing myself for the worst for this year’s re-reboot, which will put more of an emphasis on the entire Voorhees clan and what exactly empowers Jason to keep clawing his way back from the grave. Excessive backstory and needless explanations are part of what torpedoed Rob Zombie’s ‘Halloween’ remake, and I’d hate to see one of my other favorite slasher franchises suffer the same fate.
The first ‘Annabelle‘ was about as aggressively mediocre as they come, and the only reason I’m considering giving the sequel a look is that David F. Sandberg from ‘Lights Out’ is in the director’s chair this time around.
I can’t help but be pessimistic about ‘Justice League‘ given how dismal Zack Snyder’s past couple of DC outings have been, although the murmurs of it actually being kinda fun have resparked my interest. I’m enough of a sucker for superhero movies to give it a shot no matter what, but the Snyderverse’s current batting average of 0.000 is keeping my expectations in check.
I refuse to believe that ‘The Emoji Movie‘ is a thing. Morbid curiosity has me interested in seeing just how much worse the ‘Transformers‘ franchise can get in ‘The Last Knight’. I keep forgetting that ‘Pirates of the Caribbean‘ remains an ongoing franchise. It’s tough for me to type ‘xXx: Return of Xander Cage‘ without stifling a laugh. We’re not even two weeks into the year and we already have a Razzies frontrunner in ‘Monster Trucks‘.
I gave Ridley Scott the benefit of the doubt with ‘Prometheus’ and got burned big-time with that. I don’t plan to make the same mistake with his follow-up, ‘Alien: Covenant‘. I know that some people are optimistic that this one will turn out better, perhaps encouraged by the fact that ‘The Martian’ was a pretty decent return-to-form from the director, but I just can’t get my hopes up. Frankly, I think the trailer looks, at best, like a pointless and lame retread of the original ‘Alien’.
I also can’t figure out for the life of me why Danny Boyle or Ewan McGregor felt the need to make a ‘Trainspotting’ sequel 20 years later. I can’t imagine that any of the self-destructive characters from the original film would live 20 more years, much less that all of them would. Boyle’s a pretty talented guy, and I’m sure that the stupidly-titled ‘T2: Trainspotting‘ will try to account for that issue, but the trailer looks like a rather tame mid-life crisis comedy in which a bunch of 45-year-old men behave like assholes. I just don’t see the point of it.
Which movies coming out in 2017 leave you nervous about their prospects? Share your doubts in the Comments below.
We’ll be off for the MLK Day holiday on Monday. We’ll see you all back here on Tuesday.