Among sci-fi fans and film buffs, Ridley Scott’s ‘Alien’ prequel ‘Prometheus’ (and don’t believe any of Scott’s misdirection that the movie’s not really an ‘Alien’ prequel – it so is) has been one of the most eagerly anticipated movies of the year. Now that it’s finally opened, it has also turned out to be one of the most divisive films of the year among both critics and audiences. Even here, Luke raved about the movie in his review last week. I had a different reaction, to put it mildly. If you’ve seen it, what did you think of ‘Prometheus’? Vote in our poll. (Warning: This post will contain spoilers. And profanity.)
As some of you may have seen me post in the comments to Luke’s review after I saw the movie on Friday, I hated hated hated fucking HATED ‘Prometheus’. I think it’s the worst movie I’ve seen in years. It ruins the original ‘Alien’ the way that ‘The Phantom Menace’ ruins ‘Star Wars’. Just as I can no longer watch ‘Star Wars’ without seeing bratty Anakin behind Darth Vader’s mask, I will no longer be able to watch ‘Alien’ without thinking of the idiotic chain of events that supposedly led into its opening. The movie may be prettier to look at, but it’s even dumber than ‘Alien vs. Predator‘, and that’s quite an achievement.
I know that Luke and Aaron are planning to write up a Critical Mass debate about the film. I don’t want to take anything away from them, but I need to dash off some of my own thoughts about the movie while they’re still fresh in my mind.
First, there are some good things in the movie. The production design is amazing, and the photography is quite beautiful. It’s a visually striking film. (I was less impressed with the 3D, however. After a strong start, the movie more or less stops being 3D in the second half.) It also has a good cast, especially Michael Fassbender, who’s terrific as the android David. I loved all of the early scenes where David finds ways to fill his time on the empty ship as the crew sleeps. There are stretches of the movie where I felt that it was very well directed, and one of the better things that Ridley Scott has made in the last couple decades.
That’s about it. That’s the extent of my being nice to ‘Prometheus’. What didn’t I like about it? Hoo-boy, where to start? Here are just a few of my complaints:
I knew that I was in trouble with the opening scene, when the goofy-looking alien (that we’ll later learn was one of the so-called “Space Jockeys”) drinks a potion and sacrifices himself in order to spread his DNA onto the planet (which was presumably Earth, but may not be). Why did he sacrifice himself? That’s up for debate, and I suppose you can explain it away as some sort of ritual, but it seems like an awfully inefficient method for a scientist of some sort to start this chain reaction. This “Chariot of the Gods” theory that mankind was created by ancient aliens is pretty idiotic on its face, but I was still willing to set that aside and go with the movie at this point. (A following scene where one of the supporting characters asks “You’re just going to throw out 300 years of Darwinism?” is pretty hilarious, because that’s exactly what the movie does for this cockamamie bullshit.)
Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and her boyfriend Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) are just about the worst scientists ever. This is evident even in their introductory scene, where Shaw finds the 35,000-year-old cave painting, and blithely knocks down a wall and invites everyone else to come trampling in. There’s no scientific method to anything they do. This happens again after they travel halfway across the universe to a planet (or moon) and discover the first signs of alien intelligence. They rush right into the structure, making a huge mess of things, and barely stop to so much as look at anything (much less document and preserve it) as they run around searching for aliens.
I also love the way that Shaw sees a drawing of a tall guy pointing at stars and immediately pieces together that this is an “invitation” for us to go there. The invitation aspect of the plot makes no sense at all. If the Space Jockeys created us as an experiment, why would they invite us to visit a moon where they’ve established (as Captain Janek somehow intuitively figures out later) a military installation for the construction of biological weapons?
Oh, and the humans arrive on this moon and find one empty building, so Shaw instantly concludes that the entire species is dead. Really? How about you maybe look around a little more, you dumbass?
All of the character motivations are illogical at best, when they even bother to have consistent motivations. Why did David infect Holloway? How did he know what would happen, and why did he want that to happen? How did David and Weyland seem to know exactly what they’d find and what would happen when they got to the moon? (And why the hell is Guy Pearce in terrible old-age makeup in this movie if we’re never going to see a young version of his character? Why didn’t Ridley Scott just cast an older actor? You’d think that a 75-year-old director might understand that older actors need work too.)
Vickers (Charlize Theron) talks about having a secret agenda, but she never really seems to have any agenda, beyond being a bitch. She brings her daddy to the moon to get better, but she doesn’t even like her daddy and actually wants him to die. She tells the scientists not to touch anything or make contact, so what was the point of going there at all? Why not stay on Earth and rig the mission to fail so that her daddy will die and she’ll take over the company? (Everyone else except David already thinks that he’s dead anyway. What would she have to lose?)
All of the supporting characters are idiots, especially the two morons who get trapped in the cave. Hey, bozos, here’s a tip: If you’re afraid of getting killed, maybe you shouldn’t try to pet the penis-looking alien monster thing that just popped out of the goo and hissed at you. Just a suggestion.
Captain Janek (Idris Elba) has no concern at all for the welfare of his crew. Even though his equipment is constantly monitoring his men’s progress and has warned him that there’s other life in the cave near them, he decides to ignore them entirely so that he can go get laid. Is this a ‘Friday the 13th’ sequel all of a sudden?
Everything single thing that happens in the movie after the Space Jockey wakes up is unbelievably, howlingly awful. The movie drops any pretense of having ideas at that point, much less answering any of the questions it tried to raise earlier. The plot makes no sense, and it’s stupid and cheesy as hell. The attempts to hammer home connections to the first ‘Alien’ movie are painfully forced. And the bit where the Space Jockey and the giant Facehugger wrestle… Oh my fucking god, this movie is terrible!! Ugh. It makes me sick.
You know what this movie really is? Do you remember Brian De Palma’s lame ‘Mission to Mars’? ‘Prometheus’ is an even crappier remake of ‘Mission to Mars’ built on the cosmetic features of the ‘Alien’ franchise. I can hardly imagine it being a worse piece of shit than it is. I wish I’d never seen it. In fact, I wish that I could build a time machine just so that I could go back in time and prevent Ridley Scott from making it.
Shame on Ridley Scott for directing this turkey. Shame on Damon Lindelof for writing it. Shame on all of the studio executives who saw a rough cut and didn’t immediately scuttle the entire project.
But maybe that’s just me. What are your thoughts on ‘Prometheus’?
Loading ...
Drew
Well you’ve went well beyond the point of actually presenting anything to agree or disagree with.
You’ve entered the crazy and absurd zone, where the things you are saying are just flat out comical.
For a while you were actually saying some things that had some merit. That’s why I didn’t even comment on anything you said for the first few days. Now, you’ve revealed yourself. It’s clear that you don’t even quite grasp what you’re saying. Shayne addressed your lunacy quite well yesterday. I’ll leave it at that.
Josh Zyber
AuthorWhatever, Drew. Everything you’ve just said about me can be directed right back at you. You’re clearly in one of your moods. Feel free to come back to this thread when you’re ready to talk about the movie without letting it get personal.
Shayne Blakeley
Woah woah woah! Don’t bring me into this! I just want to talk about the movie, explain why I liked it and understand why Josh hated it as much as he did. I have no interest in childish name calling.
JM
Josh, you seem to be ignoring Ridley Scott’s skillset.
99% of ‘Alien’ was created by other people.
For ‘Prometheus,’ his job was to take a Fox script, and amplify the art.
JM
In the last 10 years, how many big-budget Fox films have been smartly written?
Drew
This is not personal at all. Like I said before, you actually had some things to say that were somewhat valid, at first. As time passed, and the comments stacked up, you exposed yourself. Even people that started out supporting you, got off of the train. The reasons for your vitriol became clear, and you lost sight of what you were actually saying. Your thoughts became incoherent messes, and your comments reflected that. Nothing about that is personal. Once again, it is highly amusing. I hope something similar happens the next time you arbitrarily decide to loathe a film because your imagination didn’t agree with those of the filmmakers.
JM
Peter Weyland should have been played by Patrick Stewart…
Josh Zyber
AuthorHe should have been played by someone old enough to not need those terrible makeup prosthetics.
Alexws
It will all make sense in the Extended Cut, where Guy Pearce will look younger than in the movie. Genius!
JM
Déjà vu-y, critics hated ‘Blade Runner’ for years before they began to respect it.
Josh Zyber
AuthorYet it’s been 12 years and still nobody respects Battlefield Earth. Some movies are just crap.
I really think you need to actually watch the movie before defending it, Jane.
JM
I’m just trying to figure out the physics, how the train went wreck.
CSI: Hollywood.
‘Battlefield Earth’ has a RT of 2%, ‘Prometheus’ has a RT of 74%.
So far all I’ve found is a smoking Lindelof, and the fingerprints of Fox.
And didn’t you write this review to warn people to never watch this?
JM
Did the engineers create dinosaurs? Will ‘Paradise’ have alien dinosaurs?
Will the predators ride them? In order to reclaim the kingdom of heaven?
While Cthulhu sits upon his throne, shitting black goo, shooting them down with his spitball flute, mutating the legions of Hastur the Unspeakable into insane raging peni?
Will Noomi be able to control the interview to get the answers her people died for?
EM
The Engineers created the dinosaurs, but only as false fossils. Similar handiwork is of course found on LV-426.
JM
Actually, LV-426 was made by Slartibartfast.
Thulsadoom
I just thought I’d add my two cents… 😉
I can see where Josh is coming from on most of his points. I don’t agree that all of them were quite as bad as he feels, but they were bad. I just voted ‘It’s not very good’.
I noticed the comparison to it being as idiotic a film as Transformers 2 earlier… What makes this feel worse, to be honest, is that Transformers 2 at least has the merit of not trying to be a serious, meaningful, philosophical film. It’s silly, but it’s meant to be. Prometheus is clearly meant to be deep and meaningful, and simply isn’t.
I can’t say I was as bothered as Josh by the ruining of the Space Jockey backstory though. Was it lacklustre and simplistic? Yes, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. (Though I was disappointed/underwhelmed by their ‘humanising’)
What truly ruined the film for me was the idiotic script and characters. If they had been good, they could have raised the spacejockey back story to at least acceptable.
It’s basically another AVP: Requiem. Best just to pretend it never happened, and enjoy the others for what they are. 😉
Tony
Josh, you seem like an angry fellow!
I think that many of the criticisms attacking the “scientific” aspects of movie are a red herring. This is mythologically based story. For example, the beginning of the movie where the engineer sacrafices himself is inspired by many myths. He is the “lifegiver”. Remember, the movie is called “Prometheus”. Study the myth of Prometheus and the story becomes a bit clearer.
NigelDee
I enjoyed the film even though all the negative reviews nearly made me not go and see it at all.
I remembered that people give negative reviews if a film doesn’t live up to their expectations, these are not my expectations so I should not let it sway my wanting to see something.
Everyones an armchair critic and do not write/direct or produce films, but yet seem to have so much more knowledge than the people that do spend a year or so creating the film, and have spent all their life doing so.
Also telling everyone it is bad, does not make it bad, just your opinion is that it’s bad. This also works in reverse.
I only have two real points to make about it.
1. It was made totally clear a long time ago that it was not an Alien franchise film, so I was not trying to make any connections apart from the ship/jockey being in both.
2. Everyone complains about sci-fi not being real or accurate, I have one word.
fic·tion/ˈfikSHən/
Noun:
Prose literature, esp. short stories and novels, about imaginary events and people.
Invention or fabrication as opposed to fact.
So to sum up, it’s a film, it’s not real, and if you or I could do better, we would be making films and not ranting or raving about them online. If you or I do or do not like it, so what! Ridley and the studio have met their quota for making the money back and then some, so it’s an investment that paid off, and Ridley gets more money to make another film and keep himself in a job.
As for the Phantom Menace, I grew up on the first Star Wars movies which filled my childhood with wonder and imagination. Then in my thirties I cannot complain that another set of childrens films, one of which is too purile to meet my adult expectations and sensitivities were made by a man who exceeded my expectations as a child, and fuelled another generation of children with the same universe.
You have wasted more hours of your life hating and broadcasting that hate about this film than the hours it took from you to begin with, how sad. Go out and do something you do enjoy and then revel in your happiness with your offline friends.
Josh Zyber
AuthorSigh. So nobody’s allowed to complain about a bad movie unless they’ve made a movie themselves, is that it? What a poorly reasoned argument.
Does this mean that you’re not allowed to complain about an undercooked meal at an expensive restaurant unless you’re a gourmet chef? Are you not allowed to complain about the clunker car that just broke down on you unless you’re an automotive engineer?
How about this? I’m going to sit you down, tie you to a chair, and force you to watch Battlefield Earth, Gigli and Ishtar in a repeat loop for 12 straight days, and you’re not allowed to say one negative thing about any of them, because you’re not a filmmaker and you have no right to criticize any movie ever. Sound like a good plan?
In the middle of this marathon, I’ll make you a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, and I’ll spit on it right in front of your face. You’re not allowed to complain because you’re not a chef and you have no right to criticize any food ever.
As you’ve just taught us, only the people who actually make things have the ability to tell when those things are good or bad. The rest of us morons out there are completely incapable of telling the difference between a good sandwich and a bad sandwich, a well-built car or a p.o.s. lemon, or a halfway decent movie and whatever it is that Ridley Scott shat out on the screen and called Prometheus.
Shayne Blakeley
Just rewatched Alien. Prometheus didn’t affect my opinion of that film whatsoever. However, Alien is so fucking great it may have ruined Prometheus for me.
JM
io9 explained why Weyland is played by Guy Pearce in old makeup.
Lindelof’s script showed David going inside Weyland’s dreams while in hypersleep. In the dreamscape, Weyland is a young dude on a yacht surrounded by naked girls.
All the dream conversations got cut, but Pearce’s casting was already locked. Scott originally wanted to cast Max von Sydow.
In Spaiht’s script, Weyland isn’t aboard the Prometheus at all. Instead there was a hidden squad of company soldiers.
They also cut a scene of Mars being terraformed. And other crazy stuff.
Brian Hoss
The movie was locked into its title and locked into Guy Pierce as Benjamin Button, but the script was in Etch a sketch. Have you read where the creature designs were undergoing major changes daily at the behest of Ridley Scott?
I am a Ridley Scott fan. And yet, the stories about unfinished, cobbled together scripts, and then the movies that follow… Fans are still trying to fix the script for this movie, and it should have been finished before filming.
JM
Ridley Scott is 74.
He’s being creative, at a velocity.
Plus, I think he incorporates a lot of the studio’s notes.
Josh Zyber
AuthorSome good reading and viewing for those interested:
http://digitaldigging.net/prometheus-an-archaeological-perspective/
http://penny-arcade.com/comic/2012/06/13
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x1YuvUQFJ0
JM
Lovecraft’s premise is that the lack of logic creates horror, because the human mind can’t connect the insanity.
I wonder if Ridley tried to apply that concept too aggressively.
Josh Zyber
AuthorThe problem in Prometheus isn’t just that the events happening to the characters aren’t logical; it’s that the characters themselves are total bonehead idiots. Lovecraft’s characters were people trapped in circumstances beyond their human comprehension, but they weren’t morons who did stupid things like abandoning their stranded crew members in a moment of crisis in order to go get laid. That’s not a “Lovecraftian” device. It’s straight out of the Friday the 13th playbook.
JM
“Stupidity > Death” is a better premise than “Carefulness > Death.”
Human history is littered with stupidity-caused events. i.e. Iraq.
Perhaps ‘Prometheus’s flaw is that it’s too stupidity dense.
If the movie only had 1/2 or 1/4 the stupidity, would it be forgivable?
Brian
I hated the creature designs in Prometheus. Not scary or unique they looked like the typical “meat bag” aliens we’ve seen in every mover over the past ten years or so. I was looking forward to unique designs given it was Ridley Scott, but what i got was a cobra, a squid, and an octopus. I don’t understand why Ridley Scott didn’t bring back Giger.
Dom
Prometheus ruins the Alien series. In Alien, Aliens and Alien 3, the suspense, the intrigue, the mystery, the horror and the action all depend on the alien-ness of the monster. Ripley is fighting something utterly ‘other’, found in the far reaches of space. Now we are told that it was actually a genetic experiment by humans. The Alien isn’t even an alien!!!
You have to conclude that Ridley Scott has no idea why the original Alien movie worked, nor any respect for the subsequent movies or their filmmakers, and that his few career successes were only anomalies amongst years of bad filmmaking; and that Damon Lindelof is an even more incompetent storyteller than he had previously revealed.
They’ve taken a great series from cinema history and completely devalued it. And I haven’t even mentioned Prometheus’ numerous plot holes, absence of character motivation etc etc….