Movie Madness: McClane vs. Bond – Dantes vs. Landa

Friday’s Movie Madness matchups were extremely close most of the time. Eventually, Inigo Montoya ended up besting HAL 9000, while Harry Callahan took down the would-be king of Middle Earth. Today’s matchups come from the DVD bracket, and will decide the last two participants moving onto the second round. Sean Connery as James Bond gets no time off as he has to face John McClane so soon after his fierce battle with the other assorted Bonds. Battle number two features revenge-seeking Edmond Dantès going up against the scariest Nazi ever, Col. Hans Landa.

Sean Connery and his smooth-as-a-baby’s-bottom good looks took out the rest of the Bond field. I thought for sure that Daniel Craig would end up pulling it out, but Connery earned the right to move on to the tournament. The bad thing is, he’s about to come up against one of the tournament’s heavyweights: John McClane. After four movies, McClane is still going strong.

James Bond (Connery) – We already talked at length about Connery’s Bond during his playoff. It’s hard to see the suave Connery going up against the rugged, rough-and-tumble McClane. It would seem that Craig’s Bond would have been a better matchup physically, but we’ll see.

Strengths: Apparently, the quick karate chop to the neck was enough to subdue every other Bond out there, so he’s probably going to keep that going for him.

Weaknesses: Low on the Badass Meter. If the Meter goes from one to ten, ten being the greatest, then McClane is around 9.5 while Connery’s Bond is somewhere around a solid 2.4.

John McClane – He’s lived though four movies so far, foiling the plans of Bond-like villains who plot devious world-domination plans from their hideouts or skyscrapers – only McClane’s adventures have been much more bloody and cuss-filled than all of the Bond movies put together.

Strengths: The dude can basically do anything. You may think he’s just some cop in the right place at the right time, but he’s a master with any gun he picks up. His tenacity fuels him. And he’s an artful cusser, which is always welcome.

Weaknesses: Glass shards to the feet slow him down, but not much.

John McClane vs. James Bond (Connery)

  • John McClane (65%, 66 Votes)
  • James Bond (Connery) (35%, 36 Votes)

Total Voters: 102

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Two cunning and skillful planners who wait for exactly the right time to strike go up against each other in this final matchup of the DVD bracket. Dantès, fueled by anger and thoughts of revenge, carefully executes a master plan to get back at all the people who wronged him. Landa, on the other hand, is one of the most patient villains ever. That’s what makes him so scary – you never have any idea when he’s actually going to attack. He’ll lull you into a false sense of security, and then Wham-o! You won’t have a clue what hit you.

Edmond Dantès – Just a regular guy who loved his girlfriend. That’s all he was, until all that was stripped from him by his so-called best friend. While being imprisoned unlawfully, Dantès carefully plotted his ultimate revenge.

Strengths: His planning skills are unrivaled. Some people would want to get back at those who wronged them right away. Not Dantès, though. Like Landa, he waits until the opportune moment, whether it be days, months, or even years.

Weaknesses: No real weaknesses, other than that he doesn’t really have any other discernible skills. He learned how to sword fight, but other than that, it’s all about his ability to execute a plan and bend people to his will.

Col. Hans Landa – Never has there been a villain who made a simple scene about drinking milk so damned intense. That opening scene in ‘Inglourious Basterds‘ is one of the scariest I’ve ever witnessed. You know this guy is up to no good, but slowly he wears down the man he’s talking to. He’s even able to get the guy to trust him ever so slightly. Once that trust rears its head, that’s when Landa is able to achieve what he’s really there for.

Strengths: Like Dantès, the man has patience, all the while the wheels of evil turn in his head. You can tell that he’s continually working everything out. He’s always up to something.

Weaknesses: Gigantic knives, and a man by the name of Aldo Raine.

Edmond Dantes vs. Col. Hans Landa

  • Col. Hans Landa (67%, 65 Votes)
  • Edmond Dantes (33%, 32 Votes)

Total Voters: 97

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7 comments

  1. My lord, this first match is a tough one! I ultimately had to go with Bond, because he’s got the longevity and has saved the entire world on countless occasions.

    The second match I have less vested interest in. It’s kind of hard to vote for a Nazi to win anything, but I think I’d like to see Landa move on to face some different competitors.

  2. I had to go with McClane, because unlike so many of Bond’s opponents, McClane wouldn’t spend time discussing his plans or come up with some high-tech way of killing Bond…he’d just shoot the bastard on sight.

    Landa gets my vote in the other contest.

  3. Ivan Gomez

    I have the feeling that by the time the fight ends neither will remember what happened, as long years went by, Landa has a big scar on his forehead but big disdain for this old french plotter guy. The tournament doesnt have enough time for ed to win.
    Mclain can take on any foe but his wife or daughter

  4. RBBrittain

    McClane v. Bond: Like I told everyone in the Bond playoff, only Craig or Brosnan could beat McClane; but no, you just HAD to go with Connery. McClane will blow Connery to smithereens before he can even place his martini order–“shaken, not stirred” indeed!

    Dantés v. Landa: Very tough matchup on paper, but like everyone else I ended up going for Landa. Dantés requires too much time for his revenge, and as the earlier poster said, Landa was powerful enough to change history (though to be fair, so were Shoshanna and Aldo Raine).

    • RBBrittain

      What I don’t get is how Inigo could have beaten HAL. My only guess is the battle took place in Inigo’s time, leaving HAL with no power supply and thus DOA.

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