Monster Madness: Tanker Bug vs. The Blob – Tire vs. Belial

Cooper the alien couldn’t overcome the fire-breathing death dealt by the dragon Vermathrax, and Executioner got knocked out of the first round of Monster Madness by Satan himself. Today, we’ll find out if a bug filled with napalm can defeat an ever-growing ooze. Also, we’ll finally answer the age-old question: Can a tire really make your head explode?

One bug versus one blob. It’s quite a conundrum we got here, right? On the one hand, you have an armored, flame-throwing nightmare from space. On the other hand, you have a perpetually expanding secretion that covers everything it comes into contact with. I wonder which monster will pull out the win here.

Tanker Bug – There were many different bugs to choose from when looking at ‘Starship Troopers‘. I went with the one that’s essentially a giant flamethrower. Seems logical, right? Plus, it’s the coolest bug in the movie, so the choice was pretty easy.

Strengths: They’re huge, armored bugs with the ability to burn everything in their path.

Weaknesses: The problem here is that the Blob’s biggest threat is coldness, not heat. The Tanker Bug possesses the exact opposite weaponry for this battle.


The Blob – Besides being an unstoppable force of expanding gooey matter, the Blob also made a star out of one Steve McQueen. It gets points for helping to create a cinematic icon. The name says it all. It’s a blob of Jello-like material that continually expands, engulfing everything it comes into contact with.

Strengths: It doesn’t have any fancy attacks or special powers. It just grows, and grows, and grows, consuming everything.

Weaknesses: Being frozen.

Tanker Bug vs. The Blob

  • The Blob (64%, 35 Votes)
  • Tanker Bug (36%, 20 Votes)

Total Voters: 55

Loading ... Loading ...

Now this is a strange match-up. In one corner, you have a basket-dwelling, ill-tempered Siamese twin. In the other corner is a killer tire that uses some kind of telekinesis to cause people’s heads to explode. A tournament of monsters sure brings out the freaks.

Belial – Have you seen the movie ‘Basket Case‘? If you haven’t, you’re really missing out. Imagine a wrinkled pile of skin with teeth and claws who’s angry that he’s been cut away from the normal-looking twin. Now he lives in a basket and plots revenge on the doctors that callously removed his ugly face from his brother’s side.

Strengths: Well, looking at him is enough to strike fear into any opponent. It’s too bad his opponent this time doesn’t have any eyes. However, Belial has pretty sharp teeth and claws that could thrash some rubber.

Weaknesses: He’s a legless blob of skin living in a basket.

Tire – There aren’t too many killer tires out there, because very few tires have developed sentience and decided that carrying humans around in cars is beneath them. Even a fewer number of sentient tires have cultivated the ability to blow people’s heads up by the power of telepathy. So, this tire is special.

Strengths: Can blow heads up just by… umm… doing whatever it does to blow heads up.

Weaknesses: Discarded nails and other road hazards.

Belial vs. Tire

  • Tire (82%, 42 Votes)
  • Belial (18%, 9 Votes)

Total Voters: 51

Loading ... Loading ...


  1. Difficult choices! I’m inclined to think that the Blob would smother the Tanker Bug, and that Tire would roll over Belial and leave a big treadmark all over his face.

  2. EM

    I felt both Belial and the tire each had a lot going for them. Ultimately I broke the tie by choosing the tire, just because of its power of punnery. You see, according to the IMDb entry for Rubber, the tire’s name in this French-made film is Robert, the French pronunciation of which sounds a lot like the English word rubber pronounced with a thick French accent. I figure this hilarity could distract Belial long enough to let him die laughing. Of course, this advantage may not work forever; puns, if constantly used, soon become (wait for it) tiresome.

  3. I was torn on the Tanker Bug vs The Blob, but I ended up going for the Tanker Bug. It’s pretty even, but assuming The Blob doesn’t manage to come up on the Tanker Bug by surprise, I think the Tanker would just fry and melt The Blob bit-by-bit.

    As for Belial and Tyre… I’m going to go for Tyre. Who can’t be impressed by the sheer magnificence of a sentient homicidal tyre??