Monster Madness: Mist Walker vs. Giant Croc – Killer Birds vs. Ghoulies

Monster Madness took last week off for the holiday, but the tournament is back on track this week. As we left things, Godzilla mercilessly squashed the T-Rex underneath his gigantic radioactive foot, while Samael and the Thing went down to the wire. With only one vote separating them, Samael pulled out the narrowest of victories. Today, we’ll find out what happens when a giant crocodile faces something from Stephen King’s imagination, and whether a flock of deadly birds poses any threat to cheap-o ‘Gremlins’ knock-offs.

To be specific, we’re talking about the giant crocodile from ‘Lake Placid’ that Betty White feeds cattle to on a regular basis. The other monster in this match-up is seen walking across the road at the end of ‘The Mist’ as a gigantic, menacing thing that looks like it could easily crush anything that went up against it.

Giant Crocodile – This crocodile has it made. Not only is Betty White nice enough to provide him a steady source of sustenance, but he’s also hunted by an inept group of scientists headed by Oliver Platt. If there were ever a person on this Earth who would strike the least amount of fear into a giant crocodile’s heart, it would be Oliver Platt.

Strengths: You know everything that crocodiles are good at, like biting, chomping, killing, thrashing, etc.? Well, think of all those things, only this time the crocodile in question is the size of two or three dozen good-sized crocs.

Weaknesses: Grenade launchers.

The Mist Walker – Little is known about this giant beast of the mist, but from what we can surmise from the brief time we get to see it, the thing is huge, and certainly means to crush and kill anything that gets in its way.

Strengths: Besides its immense size, its strengths are largely unknown, but are sure to be really bitching, whatever they are.

Weaknesses: Also unknown, but I’d be willing to bet it doesn’t have any because it’s so awesome.

Mist Walker vs. Giant Crocodile

  • Mist Walker (72%, 41 Votes)
  • Giant Crocodile (28%, 16 Votes)

Total Voters: 57

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Here you kind of have to be willing to accept that Alfred Hitchcock’s flocks of deranged, blood-thirsty birds were indeed monsters. Maybe a virus turned them into packs of feathery death bombs? All I know is that they were scary and deserved to be included in this tournament.

Killer Birds – Their origin remains a mystery. None of us know why these birds suddenly turned into killers from the sky, terrorizing the town of Bodega Bay and severely messing up Tippi Hedren’s hair. They’re not to be trifled with.

Strengths: In numbers, they’re almost invincible. It’s practically impossible to take them all out while they dive-bomb your face and peck at your eyes.

Weaknesses: They’re just a bunch of birds, after all.


Ghoulies – The movie ‘Ghoulies’ has the dubious distinction has being a blatant rip-off of ‘Gremlins’. The antagonists are little green demons. They’re laughable, yes. However, they will pop out of toilets. So, there’s that…

Strengths: They’re toilet-dwelling demons. That’s got to be a strength somehow.

Weaknesses: Besides being ridiculous?

Ghoulies vs. Killer Birds

  • Killer Birds (79%, 42 Votes)
  • Ghoulies (21%, 11 Votes)

Total Voters: 53

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  1. The swarming birds seem more dangerous to me than the turd monsters. The birds can fly away from the Ghoulies, but the Ghoulies have no defense against the birds’ kamikaze dive-bomb attacks.

    I also have to think that the Mist Walker could stomp on the croc.

    • William Henley

      That is almost word for word my reasoning on The Birds.

      As for Mist Walker versus the croc, while not much is known about Mist Walker, the croc really has nothing going for it other than being big. He is probably lazy because his food is given to him, and the person hunting him is an idiot. I bet Bindi Irwin could take him down no problem! (Yes, Bindi, Steve’s daughter)