It’s time for yet another March Movie Madness matchup. On Monday we saw Dr. Richard Kimball outsmart Biff (which isn’t all that difficult), and master of dark magic Voldemort take out Scarface in an ultimate evil-off. This time, we’re looking at the other side of the tournament, going deep into the HD DVD and Blu-ray brackets.
Here’s a controversial first round matchup. A few people have complained that our characters should have been seeded much like the basketball teams in the NCAA tournament. I argued that I simply didn’t have the time or energy to fairly rank all those characters. As was demonstrated by the NCAA Selection Committee this weekend, the entire process is fallible beyond belief anyway. So, drawing numbers was the best way that I could make the first rounds fair and interesting. Albeit, matchups like Darth Vader and John Rambo would be decided in the first round rather than in the final eight or four. That’s okay, though. This makes the first round much more exciting in my eyes.
Vader and Rambo hold special places in many moviegoers’ hearts. I know that it’s going to be tough to choose between them. They’re both iconic characters. While Rambo is an ass-kicking veteran who once took over an entire city controlled by Brian Dennehy, Vader is the evil galactic stooge to Emperor Palpatine, and carries out the Emperor’s wishes with psychic death strangulation.
Darth Vader – I guess it’s up to you if you want to include knowledge of the wussy Vader seen in the ‘Star Wars’ prequels. If that’s so, it may bring Vader’s badass-ness down quite a few levels. (“Noooooooooooooo!”). From ‘A New Hope’ onward, though, Vader is an imposing force of evil and has many a fanboy on his side. This could get ugly.
Strengths: Dark force powers. He can strangle someone without even touching them. His black menacing suit and cape strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. He’s also an accomplished lightsaber dueler.
Weaknesses: He’s actually Hayden Christensen under all that black garb. Is he really that frightening now, or just yet another universal evil ruler who has family issues. He’s a sucker when it comes to his family. It could easily soften him up in battle.
John Rambo – He fought in Vietnam, came home, and got spit on. He’s a badass of epic proportions. But not getting credit for what he’s done on the battlefield really gets to him. Even in his 60s, Rambo’s still kicking ass and taking names.
Strengths: Gigantic, ungodly biceps the size of mid-sized sedans. Those things are just massive. I’m thinking that if he got even one of those around Vader’s chrome dome, there’d be no stopping their crushing power. He’s a master with anything that shoots bullets. Finally, he’s a master improviser. Booby traps, ambushes, you name it – this guy is great at it.
Weaknesses: PTSD. The guy just can’t get over the fact that no one liked him when he got home from the war. “They called me a baby killer!” It’s a tough weakness, but Rambo’s PTSD doesn’t seem to be too debilitating. We haven’t had a ‘Rambo’ movie yet where he’s just sitting in a mental ward muttering to himself.
Darth Vader vs. John Rambo
- Darth Vader (83%, 111 Votes)
- John Rambo (17%, 23 Votes)
Total Voters: 134
Now here’s an attractive matchup for the first round. In one corner we have the leggy killer assassin from ‘Wanted’. In the other corner, we have the cattle gun-toting bad guy from ‘No Country for Old Men’. One of them can flip cars end over end and land them perfectly. The other is one of the scariest villains in modern film history. Who’s coming out on top?
Fox – She’s sexy and deadly. Jolie is the only woman in Hollywood that I take seriously as an action star. She kicks a whole lotta butt in ‘Wanted’, and I couldn’t help but put her in this tournament to see how she fared against the more popular and well known movie characters.
Strengths: She’s a master of weaponry, and is able to curve a bullet. She could kill Chigurh before he even knew he was being hunted. Plus, she has that milk bath that helps her regenerate and heal from her wounds.
Weaknesses: Suicidal tendencies for the greater good.
Anton Chigurh – I’ve seen a lot of movies, and a lot of villains over the years, and none of them have affected me quite like Chigurh did. You could never tell exactly what his endgame was or if he even had one. He just enjoyed spreading destruction; he didn’t care about anything else. That’s when bad guys are at their absolute worst.
Strengths: He’s got a cattle gun, which could also be a weakness, since he needs to be in very close proximity to his opponent. However, with all the weaponry Fox has in her arsenal, she doesn’t have a shotgun with a silencer, which was one of the single coolest weapons I’ve ever seen. I’m having a hard time coming up with a winner in this gun battle.
Weaknesses: Coin flips. He could let everything come down to a coin flip, which could be disastrous. Also, he’s pretty slow moving. That could work to Fox’s advantage for sure.
Fox vs. Anton Chigurh
- Fox (51%, 70 Votes)
- Anton Chigurh (49%, 66 Votes)
Total Voters: 136