Here’s hoping this sorry excuse for an episode is just the calm before the BATTLE STORM! Ugh. This is the ‘Spider-Man 3’ of episodes. EVERYBODY gets a chance to cry. There’s no crying in the apocalypse! With only two episodes left in this season, ‘The Last Ship’ decided to take a break from our regularly scheduled program for a lot of soul searching. YAWN.

After watching this boring episode I looked back at my recap for Episode 8 in Season 1 just to see if maybe this is some sort of pattern. You know, like how ‘Game of Thrones’ always (well, usually) has some serious stuff go down in Episode 9? Maybe there was some precedent for a really slow/introspective/no shooting episode.

Nope. Last season’s Ep. 8 had Dr. Red slip the Captain an X-Acto knife with her tongue that he later used to totally murder his prison guard. There were also FAST BOATS and MACHINE GUNS! They blew up the Russian battleship, for goodness sake!

What does this episode have? Lots of talking. A few USB drives. A tough looking laptop. Some videos we’ve seen already. I don’t think they even TALKED about a gun.

You may have a feeling that this recap is going to be short, and you’d be right. Most of the episode goes like this:

Prez: I’m a prisoner!

XO, Capt and/or Last Ship crewmember: We saved you. Now let us tell you why.

Prez: I’m starting to get the picture, but not yet.

XO, Capt and/or Last Ship crewmember: The dudes we saved you from are bad. Here’s why.

Prez: OK. I get it, but I’ve done some terrible stuff.

XO, Capt and/or Last Ship crewmember: We have too, but it’s all good. We’re gonna make it right.

Prez: [cries]

XO, Capt and/or Last Ship crewmember: [cries]

The only violence in this show is self-inflicted, when the Prez decides the end of the world is just too hard and tries to kill himself. The rest of the episode deals with the un-brainwashing of the Prez. They show him some videos of the folks who were once in charge giving the Last Ship direct orders to save the world. The Prez thinks it might be a trick. They show him some videos of his Immune buddies killing good people because they think they’re the rightful inheritors of the Earth. The Prez starts to get the picture. The Captain and the Prez share stories of how their loved ones died. There is crying.

No sub. No Wolf. No FIVE-INCH. No NOTHING. Heck, even the only thing we get out of the baddies is lame. They send out an “underground” message saying the Last Ship doesn’t have a real cure. I guess, since the Prez may have given the Last Ship some intel that the sub may or may not have been damaged, all they can fire off is harsh language.

With the summer heat starting to die down and this season coming to a close, there better be some seriously spectacular SUB BATTLE ACTION soon! Otherwise, I’ll be hard pressed to catch ‘The Last Ship Season 3: Talk Them to Death’.