‘The Last Ship’ took a super boring break for the last two episodes. Every season has one, right? However, the show makes a few course corrections in this week’s episode with some fun action, a tiny bit of overall story arc movement, and a badass missile that almost makes up for the continued lack of FIVE-INCH.
I’m, sadly, calling it now: We’re not going to see the FIVE-INCH again until the season finale. ‘The Last Ship’ writers think they’re George R.R. Martin or something. They tease us with FIVE-INCH ice zombies only to keep it from us until the finale, or, maybe 42 episodes from now. I don’t know, but I don’t like it.
This episode starts us off way back six months ago when everything was hunky dory and only super scientist dudes had any clue what was about to go down. Dr. Mouse Wrangler makes his triumphant return from the cliffhanger of Episode 3 and we learn that he’s some kind of fancy scientist from Oslo. This scene is important because, during afternoon tea, Dr. Mouse Wrangler and coworker Dr. Norway discuss how the former has apparently pulled a Norman Osborne with something relating to the upcoming killer virus. Dr. Norway freaks out and takes off, right when Dr. Mouse Wrangler’s beautiful wife/girlfriend shows up for some of that tea. They smooch and she reports that she seems to be coming down with a cold and/or virus. Jeesh, lady! Warn a dude you’re sick before the lip smacking! Good thing he’s immune! Side note: Apparently all the scientists in ‘The Last Ship’ are either: A) totally hot or B) have totally hot significant others. Science is sexy.
Meanwhile, the Russians are still cruising around in their wicked rusty nuclear battleship. They’re grouchy because the Americans outsmarted them. But all is not lost, as they have Dr. Mouse Wrangler working on the case. Still, they’d really like to know where the Last Ship has vanished to. More on the Russians later.
Next up is this week’s dramatic – yet solvable within the length of the episode – problem: The Captain and Tex get left behind, in the vast ocean, ala ‘Open Water’.
Apparently, blonde communication guy has been logging every single S.O.S. ever received, which is like a bazillion. Using his robotic memory, he notices that one Jamaican ship is constantly reporting how many of its folks have died. That number has been declining, until only one young lady remains on board. This is noteworthy because she should have died by now. Perhaps she is immune! Wait, this could be a trap. But it could be the break we’re looking for! (Lots, and LOTS, of tense close-up shots.) Quick! To the FAST BOATS!
“Young Jamaican Lady, this is Captain… errr, Mr. Joe Brown. We’re a, fishing vessel, errr, ship, I mean, boat. We’re coming to get you.” The Russians, apparently within eavesdropping range, jump for joy. “We have them now!”
On board the Jamaican boat of death, the Away Team finds the young lady, but not before the Russians come screaming in on their own FAST BOATS. Quick! To the machine guns! The two American FAST BOATS separate and the two Russian FAST BOATS pursue. One boat gets out unscathed while the other, containing Tex and the Captain, gets in the mix. The action scene is sufficiently action-y. Once the good guys have dealt with the bad guys, the good guys realize that machine gun fights in inflatable boats are a really bad idea. Their boat is totally full of holes.
Looks like the Captain and Tex are going for a swim. Good thing they brought tracking devices! Nope, couldn’t risk that. Well, that’s OK, we still have radios! Yup, but I just radioed ’em to stop rescue operations. DOH! What now? How about a 20-mile swim to a reef? Why the reef? Good seafood. Let’s go!
Second in Command Jayne disregards the Captain’s direct order to let him die and continues rescue operations. The helicopter searches high and low. At one point, the Russians launch a drone to see if they can find the Captain. The Nathan James sees the drone, but can’t target it without risking the targeting signal getting traced back to the ship. Awesome and humorous events take place next: The Last Ship targets the drone, the Russians start the phone call, errr, targeting signal trace, the Last Ship launches a freaking missile, the Russians are still tracing the signal, the missile blasts the CRAP out of the drone just feet away from the Captain and Tex. WOOHOO!
Russians: Did you trace them? No, they shut off the targeting signal once the target was destroyed, which wasn’t long enough for us to trace them. DOH! Why didn’t you just trace, oh, I dunno, which way the friggin’ missile came from?! I thought for sure that Russian dude was gonna get his head shot off.
Back on the ship, Dr. Red has discovered that the Jamaican lady is totally immune to all of the strains of the virus. Too bad she has killed all but two test monkeys. Fingers crossed!
The episode ends with a fun, albeit completely predictable, twist. The U.S. helicopter reports that it has found the Captain and Tex! It’s dark and they’re using night vision, but it sure looks like them! Hooray! A rescue ring is lowered from the helicopter and Tex insists the Captain go first. He does, totally ditching Tex. As he’s pulled into the helicopter, a hundred dudes with AK-47s greet him. It’s the Russians! The American helicopter didn’t find crap!
I was very pleased by this episode. Let’s hope the last three this season continue the positive trend of machine guns and explosions.