My editor wouldn’t let me get away with this one word review for ‘The Last Ship’ season finale: “Ugh.” So, I guess I’ll add a few more, like super disappointing, no FIVE-INCH, and lame. What a bummer. Oh well, there’s always next season, right?
Oh look! The Captain’s family is TOTALLY sick. What a surprise! The true surprise is that they survived this long. Good thing the Last Ship is throwing a vaccination party out on the flight deck. Everyone cheerily lines up to get power injected by anyone who can hold a power injector. (Who let the Last Jamaican power inject?) Surely some of that love will make it to the Captain’s family?
In the sexual tension scene that certainly seals the Captain’s wife’s virusy fate, Captain Soon-to-Be-Single opts to get “vaccinated” in his stateroom. The lights are down low, a dreamy score plays in the background, and Dr. Red has her sexiest Big Lebowski sweater on. They enjoy the moment.
– Opening credits/theme song –
The rest of the show uses many of the show’s standard scenes and then borrows heavily from ‘The Walking Dead’.
Unfunny comic relief scene before anyone needs comic relief: Tex spills his guts to the German shepherd about how he spilled his guts to Dr. Red. Hilarity does not ensue.
Ship leadership tries to lead, only to have crew totally ignore said leadership. Second-in-command Jayne briefs the crew on the mission and ends with: “When we get back, you may get cell service. No promises, but you must stay focused. Don’t be distracted by a cell phone call.” Next scene: the entire crew on the deck waiving their phones around for cell service.
We have a great plan, but it gets crushed at the last minute. All we need to do is get to a particular super lab to mass produce the cure/vaccine and save the world! Fire up the satellite so we can plot a course! Aw crap, the one place we needed to go is the only building that got randomly and totally destroyed. Oh well, I guess we could always just go to Nicaragua… errr.. Baltimore. Whatever, it’s up the same river.
This episode’s other, yet much less interesting, storyline needs an extra scene. Mr. McSteamy, Sr. is driving the family around in a car. They all look terrible. They drive to Olympia. Olympia is gated and the guard says, “They can’t help you in there,” which is kinda weird because the radio broadcasted that they could, and the super weak Soylent Green-esque reveal towards the end shows that they actually do need sick people to get in. But whatever. Mr. McSteamy, Sr. speeds the Buick up to ramming speed and they blast on through.
The new character introduction you expected by unexpectedly seeing a real actor’s name in the opening credits: Alfre “The Governor” Woodard also happens to be Uhura’s mom. For a post-apocalyptic time, it’s a ridiculously small freaking world. The Governor has been praying for the Last Ship’s return.
Quick! Introduce other new characters that are most certainly the Bad Guys that the good Governor is fighting. Some dude with a nasty looking scar/rash/something red on his back is the leader of the Bad Guys. He gets wind about the Last Ship pulling into town and the Governor going to go meet the Captain. We know they’re Bad Guys because they hang out in dark rooms.
FINALLY, a tiny bit of action. FAST BOAT! Going really slow. The Naval tactical Away Team heads to the dock to meet up with one of the Last Ship’s automobile sponsors. Three Chevys pull up while Jayne keeps an eye on them with the WORLD’S BIGGEST SET OF BINOCULARS! Of course the Bad Guys have their own scope with which to watch the meeting. These guys are totally Bad Guys because their scope is attached to a sniper rifle. The Captain approaches the landing zone AFTER it’s secure, for the first time in the entire season, and shakes the Governor’s hand.
The next several boring-ass scenes involve several more weak attempts at convincing the audience that Woodbury is good and the Bad Guys are bad. The Governor says there are Bad Guys. The Fat Cop somehow knows that Jayne’s wife was in a safe zone before there was fighting, probably with Bad Guys. The Creepy Lab Dudes slow-clap Dr. Red’s cure/vaccine that will save their dumb asses.
How the heck is the Captain ever going to find his family? The Captain is escorted to the communications center, where he opens all hailing frequencies in hopes of reaching Mr. McSteamy, Sr.’s old-ass busted radio. He repeats the message over and over and over and over. That’s four times. He gets through! The family is in Baltimore! They’re heading to Olympia! Stay put! I’m coming to find you! Hopefully before it’s too late!
To prove what a loner he is, Tex says “See you suckers later” to Dr. Red, but not before he borderline sexually assaults her with his forceful kiss. She doesn’t seem to mind, but it’s totally awkward. I’m thinking he’ll probably show up next season to not be a loner anymore.
With those scenes out of the way, we start with the reveal that the Good Guys are actually Bad Guys as this episode gets set on cruise control. The Captain and his Away Team get in a shoot-out trying to sneak into Olympia. The Navy crack shots shoot the crap out of each and every baddie, but Master Chief takes a hit. The Governor interviews Uhura about whether or not she thinks the Captain will be any trouble for her. Dr. Red finds out the Creepy Lab Dudes aren’t doing good things with their treatments. The Fat Cop goes to the bridge of the Nathan James. He blasts one random crewmember and Dr. Googly Eyes for trying to grab his gun away from him. Fat Cop instructs Jayne to muster his crew.
The Captain does eventually find his family and quickly injects them with the cure. However, he learns that his wife didn’t make it. Before he has time to grieve, he finds out the Good Guys are Bad Guys and are killing the infected by the dump truck load. The Captain surmises that these dump trucks are hauling off the fuel for what keeps this town’s energy running: dead infected that were killed by the Not-So-Good Guys. That’s just flat-out stupid.
The crew musters on the deck like a herd of sheep – the same sheep that not too long ago defeated the Russians and Nicaraguaricans and the world’s most deadly virus. Fat Cops are the ultimate enemy and the crew must do what they say.
In the final shot of the season, the Captain taps his communicator. “Scooby Doo? Where are you?”
Thus concludes a mediocre season. It started off SUPER strong, had a few dogs in the middle but was heading to a decent conclusion until this train wreck of a finale. The show has a LOT of making up to do, but if nothing else it was almost always fun.