‘Under the Dome’ 3.05 Recap: “Screw You for Ruining a Perfect Day”

For our latest adventures in Domesville, Barbie’s bromance goes terribly wrong, Big Jim gets all mushy for a dog, and the evil alien butterfly queen lady smears sex lube over everybody’s faces. Yup, it’s just another lovely day ‘Under the Dome’.

Wow, did Junior enjoy boning his Aunt Christine. “That was amazing!” he declares. “Everything felt so heightened.” While licking it off her fingers (ewww, this show is so gross!), Christine explains that’s because the alien goop they rolled around in is loaded with oxytocin, a hormone that causes pleasure in the human brain. Also, I’m guessing that Junior hasn’t busted a nut since he and Angie were still fuck-buddies before the dome fell, which was a whole three weeks ago in show time. Junior enthusiastically signs up to be Christine’s willing slave if he can get more of that sweet, slimy, old lady lovin’.

Hey, the magic dog is back. Big Jim names him Indy, which I guess is supposed to be some sort of lame homage to ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’. He brings Julia to the shed where he hid Eva’s camera, but it’s not there. Those damn Aktaion jerks must have stolen it! Julia thinks that Big Jim is full of shit and never had a camera. That’s the sort of thing he’d lie about.

Uh oh, new lovebirds Barbie and Eva have already hit a rough patch in their relationship because Eva won’t tell him who she and Christine really are. Barbie doesn’t like secrets. Except, of course, for that secret he held for a long time about killing Julia’s husband.

Hunter, deep under Christine’s spell, acts super-creepy toward Joe and Norrie at the cattle feed cook-off. Don’t worry, though. I’m sure that won’t come around again.

Christine explains (into her voice recorder, because the plot requires exposition and that’s the most convenient excuse to deliver it) that the dome’s energy supply is failing now that the egg is destroyed and all the Millers (the groan-worthy nickname she’s given the residents of Chester’s Mill) are out of the lifeforce-siphoning cocoons. Without a new energy source, the dome will calcify and everybody inside will suffocate. Gasp!

Barbie comes to Town Hall to yell at Christine for being a liar, but gets distracted when the building’s roof collapses because stupid Junior knocked down a load-bearing support beam. Pete the Carpenter, who warned Junior not to do it, is livid. Tensions are high and Christine is losing control of the townspeople.

Jim causes a distraction that draws all the Aktaion soldier goons away from their base of operations on Bird Island so that Julia can sneak in and get the camera back. She finds it, but the video Jim talked about has been deleted. She logs onto a computer (good thing nobody uses password protection) and finds a file labeled “Alaska,” but doesn’t have time to look at it before Dr. Marston (Frank Whaley) catches her snooping. Luckily, Jim has her back and takes Marston hostage when the soldier goons come back.

Jim and Marston strike a deal where Jim will reveal the location of the egg (remember, he actually destroyed it) if Marston will divulge some answers about what’s going on, including what happened in Alaska. Marston explains that an archaeology team in Alaska discovered a powerful energy source (another egg) at a meteoroid crash site, but anyone who touched it became infected with something and went crazy. The person who made first contact became a leader, and everyone else blindly following him (hey, just like Christine and the Millers!) until they eventually all committed suicide. Marston says that he may have a treatment for the infection, but is he lying?

Joe and Norrie get all lovey-dovey and take a day off to bask in their completely normal, non-slimy sexual afterglow. Christine is upset that they’re ignoring her instructions to dish out cattle feed slop to the townspeople, and sends Hunter to retrieve them. Zombie-eyed Hunter finds them lounging about on top of a house roof. He climbs up and tries to manhandle Norrie, until she shoves him off the roof and he smashes onto the ground below. Whoops.

In the storyline absolutely no one cares about, Sam is back to being a drunk. He defies Christine’s orders, which makes Christine mad, so she pays a visit to his girlfriend Abby and talks her into attempting suicide again, this time with more success.

Eva feels guilty and wants to tell Barbie the truth about herself and Christine. Christine asks to meet her in the caves to discuss further. What kind of a dumbass would agree to that? Of course, Christine and Junior grab Eva in the cave and rub sex goo all over her face. Eva feels much better about following Christine’s orders now. Christine explains that she needs Eva to have Barbie’s baby, which will grow up to become the new Queen.

While trying to fix up Town Hall, Barbie and Pete the Carpenter bond over their military backgrounds and how much they both think Christine sucks. Barbie thinks Pete is a super-swell guy, until he discovers that the building roof had been sabotaged. Did Pete cause the collapse on purpose because he’s jealous of Junior? Like an idiot, Barbie immediately shares his suspicions with Christine, the one person in town he absolutely knows he cannot trust.

Christine, who obviously sabotaged the roof herself, uses this opportunity to sow seeds of distrust between Pete and Barbie. She tells Pete that Barbie blames him for the roof collapse and is going to kill him, unless Pete kills him first. Why would he believe her?

Christine finds Julia waiting in her office with a gun. Julia kidnaps her and delivers her to the Aktaion soldiers.

Joe and Norrie carry Hunter back to Town Hall. He appears to be paralyzed from the waist down. Hunter yells out that Norrie pushed him off the roof, and the townspeople in the building go all Body Snatchers and chase Norrie and Joe around.

Barbie runs to get Eva, who I guess has also now taken over as the town doctor. On the way back, a trashcan explodes. It’s an IED that Pete planted for him (not very well). Pete comes out with a baseball bat and attacks Barbie, who takes a beating until Pete knocks Eva around too, at which point Barbie grabs the bat and beats Pete to death with it. So much for being besties…

Over on Bird Island, Dr. Marston tricks Jim and locks him in a cage. He knows that Jim has lied to him about where the egg is. When Jim concocts another obviously fake story, Marston threatens to kill Indy the Dog. Oh no, not the dog! Overcome with emotion, Jim ‘fesses up about destroying the egg. With Christine now en route to the island, Marston announces that she and Jim will both be part of a new experiment (presumably the cure for the alien infection). But wait, Jim’s not infected! No, but every experiment needs a control sample.

Thus ends our latest hate-watch journal. This show keeps getting goofier and more awful by the week. The preview for upcoming episodes reveals that things will get positively apocalyptic soon. So that’s something to look forward to, I guess?

4 comments

  1. I only skim-read this one because I’m still two episodes behind, but it doesn’t sound like the show is getting any better…in fact, it seems to have gotten a lot worse. At least the first season seemed to have a “rulebook” for the dome – that has all been thrown out the window.

  2. Stacia Simpson

    I can’t believe that they took such a good book and came up with this stupid story. Barbie was such a good character but he is such a putz now. Boy they are really reaching on this. They should have made a two-hour movie and kept to the book.

  3. Rochelle

    I really liked reading this article. It was funny and bitterly sarcastic. I too believe this show is just getting ridiculous. The first two seasons were decent but they’re just strining everything along in a random fashion. This makes three years now. Three weeks in the dome is three years for us…something doesn’t add up here.

  4. Lord Bowler

    Excellent review…

    The best part about this show is Big Jim, I just want to see him kill everyone else and declare himself “King of Chester’s Mill”, Population: 1.

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