TV Madness: Bristow vs. Hercules – Soprano vs. Tick

Holy espionage, Batman! It looks like Adam West’s Batman was no match for the ultra-cool, super-smart spy Michael Westen. Westen moves on to the next round of TV Madness, along with Raylan Givens, who bested Walter White. Raylan has taken down his share of drug pushers and criminals, and it seems like his experience paid off. With that out of the way, let’s take a look at today’s match-ups.

Heading on down to the CRT bracket, we have a peculiar battle between a demi-god and a female spy/assassin/badass. That’s right, Hercules goes up against Sydney Bristow. In the LCD bracket, we find one of my favorite characters in the whole tournament and the one I’ll root for to take it all the way. The Tick will go up against surly mob boss Tony Soprano.

Here’s a question for you: Can a highly-trained government agent like Sydney Bristow take down a mythical man with superhuman strength? This fight could be over before it even begins, but let’s take a look first.

Hercules – Kevin Sorbo’s Hercules spent most of his time walking around wide open countryside, sporting a deep v-neck tunic that gave ample view of his bulging, God-given (literally) pectorals. He was a benevolent force in the world, who routinely saved a few villagers here and there from whatever weekly baddies would pop up. What I remember most, though, was that hair. If we had a Best TV Hair tournament going, Hercules’ mane would be a frontrunner.



Strengths: Uh, strength.

Weaknesses: Are there any? I think that Hercules had a soft spot for women in the original mythology. That may cause his downfall here.

Sydney Bristow – Sydney spent most of her life being a double agent, or triple agent, or quadruple… oh, forget it. That show jumped around so much sometimes that I didn’t know who Sydney was working for. She did, however, manage very well on her own, kicking, punching and shooting her way through five seasons of one of TV’s most memorable spy shows.



Strengths: Not only does she kick a lot of butt, and does it believably, she also looks pretty good doing it. That isn’t a chauvinist remark. I looked up a few facts about Hercules, and one weakness that kept popping up was his weakness for beautiful women. Now, I’m not up on my ‘Hercules’ trivia, so I don’t quite know how many, if any, times this came into play during the show. So take that how you will.

Weaknesses: She’s mortal, and has to go up against a dude with god-like strength. I’d say that’s a pretty big weakness right there.

Hercules vs. Sydney Bristow

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I have a soft spot in my heart for The Tick. That show should’ve gone on to ultimate television glory. It should’ve created season after season of superhero hilarity. Alas, that didn’t happen. It was another victim of Fox mismanagement. Still, at least we have the show’s nine episodes to laugh at whenever we feel down. On the other hand, we have one of TV’s most popular characters from one of TV’s most popular shows: Tony Soprano.

The Tick – He’s big, blue, and willing to put his life on the line to save anyone he can. I could go on and on about how much I truly miss this character. I hope he pulverizes everyone in this tournament with a big dopey grin on his face.




Strengths: He’s huge, strong, and has endless amounts of dumb luck that kept him alive during the show’s short run.

Weaknesses: Well, he isn’t the sharpest tool in the box. So he could easily be tricked.

Tony Soprano – He spent six seasons striking fear and terror into anyone who crossed him, all the while eating all the leftovers in the fridge. Tony Soprano is still one of the most recognizable TV characters out there.




Strengths: He’s smart, which is something that The Tick is not. He knows how to scam, cajole and scheme with the best of them.

Weaknesses: Treadmills.

Tony Soprano vs. The Tick

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  1. I voted Hercules and The Tick.
    1 – Hercules is easily superior to an annoying woman who has bad cheesy dance club music playing just for walking down corridors in a dramatic fashion. Herc battles supernatural creatures and GODS!!! All too easy…

    Now, Tick vs Soprano… I don’t expect the Tick to go far, but he’s GOTTA be better than a boring mafia guy… yawn…

  2. @Shannon Nutt, well then that point goes to the “hired gun” not Tony …

    Anyway, Tony would lose but his popularity surprisingly lost out on him this round so I too am shocked.

    Hercules would probably win due to the immortal side of things but I can’t say I like either that or Alias. Bristow has a higher bodycount though. 😉

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