TV Madness: Bauer vs. Nine

In his last TV Madness battle, Jack Bauer ended up in a tie with Malcolm Reynolds. Since the tie-breaker goes to the character who had the longest running show in episode total, Bauer moves on to face Seven of Nine. Let’s see which of them will go to the finals.

Bauer is right where I thought he’d at this point in the tournament. Seven of Nine is sort of a surprise. I didn’t really expect her to make it this far, but she’s outlasted some great competition along the way. Now we have to wonder if Bauer has enough left in him to take on a cyborg from the future.

Jack Bauer – Not much more needs to be said about the man. He took down Malcolm Reynolds, a character who’d faced down his fair share of extraterrestrial bad guys. It was a very tough fight and came down to a tie-breaker, but Bauer has shown that he is one of, if not the, pre-eminent badasses on television.




Seven of Nine – I thought for sure that characters like Fox Mulder or Raylan Givens would’ve been her demise, but Seven of Nine has powered through. Now she finds herself going up against a threatening man – but that’s just it; he’s just a man (though I like to believe that Jack Bauer has superhuman powers). She’s done well against earthlings thus far. Will she continue?



Final Word: I don’t know much about Seven of Nine, but I remember that clip from ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ where she wrestled The Rock and lost. She bragged about being a superior fighting machine, and then proceeded to get her butt kicked. She’s vulnerable and won’t be able to dodge every bullet coming her way from the muzzle of Bauer’s gun. Bauer FTW.

Jack Bauer vs. Seven of Nine

  • Jack Bauer (69%, 56 Votes)
  • Seven of Nine (31%, 25 Votes)

Total Voters: 81

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  1. William Henley

    Sorry, if this is a real fight, there is NO chance that Jack could win……

    Actually, this depends on if we are talkign about Seven when she was still with the collective, shortly after she was seperated, or toward the end of hte series. Seven’s character evolved, and as it evolved, her aggressive tendancies pretty much subsided. That being said, she would still fight, and put up a hell of a fight.So unless Bauer figures out FAST how to hack into Seven’s cortical implants, he’s a gonner!

    • See, now I would consider this no contest in Bauer’s favor. Seven of Nine may be robotically enhanced, but she still has fleshy human parts, including a squishy brain that he can put a bullet through. If that doesn’t do the trick on its own, he’d take a big knife, slice her through the abdomen, then reach in and pull out her circuitry by hand.

      Honestly, I don’t see this battle lasting more than 30 seconds. He’d make easy work of her. Cameron (who’s all robotic under the surface layer) will be a more formidable foe.

      • EM

        Bauer does have something of an edge in a straight face-to-face fight, particularly one where Seven doesn’t have phasers, transporters, or other doohickeys apart from her Borg implants. But Seven—whose intelligence outstrips even Bauer’s—may quickly realize this and flee into hiding, turning the contest into a cat-and-mouse game. But who’s the cat and who’s the mouse? Well, only one of these combatants wears a catsuit. 🙂 And only she has superhuman senses, giving her the edge in a chase in which she stalks him trying to stalk her. When Bauer comes close enough, Seven stealthily approaches him from behind and lets loose with her assimilation nodes, pumping nanoprobes into his bloodstream, where they instantly begin bringing Bauer under their control. Bauer resists, tries fighting back, maybe even gets in a good punch despite Seven’s proficiency in the martial art Tsunkatse…but resistance is futile. We are Borg.

  2. EM

    Has Bauer ever fought the Rock (as an alien, yet)?

    I’m sure Bauer’s with a gun. Is he faster than Seven with a phaser?

  3. Shayne Blakeley

    I still call bullshit on Jack Bauers invulnerability. Call it ignorance on my part for not getting through the series if you wish, but I don’t believe that any mere human should have stood a chance against all of these super-powered characters. I thought the Mal vs Bauer battle went perfectly, ending in a tie is just beautiful. Both characters were merely bad-ass humans (Mal may be from the future, but in his case I wouldn’t say it gave him much of an advantage) and the results were right in line with my expectations. I knew Jack would win, but Mal wouldn’t make it easy on him. Here however, I just don’t see what Jack could do. He’s not exactly going to intimidate her, and she’d have his ass down long before the 24 hours it took for him to figure out how to deactivate her.

    • Really, in this case, I think it would take him 24 seconds.

      Jack Bauer may not be invulnerable, but I call bullshit on Seven of Nine being intimidating at all. As I said earlier, Cameron will be a much more worthy challenger.

  4. I voted Seven, purely because I think Bauer is a poor version of many big screen action heroes, and wouldn’t stand a chance if taking those on. He appears more skilled than he is, because his villains aren’t particularly threatening or bright.

    Seven may just be an attractive girl with cyborg implants, but she also shares the DNA of ‘secret killer russian agent’ Juliet Stewart from Dark Skies, who could easily kick Bauer’s ass while making a few sarcastic comments about western decadence. 😉

  5. CamSully

    Nine has nothing but beaty going for her and even as a Borg and in the duel with the Rock, she bared little ( pun intended)

    Everyone else is right, any Terminator bares more threat. However, if this Trek character was Worf, the round would’ve gone to him in a heartbeat.

  6. CamSully

    Plus if Reynolds can kill young Superman and Sylar, then Bauer can kill the equivalent of the pusdy known only as Eliza Dushku.