It was a tough battle in Wednesday’s TV Madness, but it looks like Seven of Nine will pull out the win against B.A. Baracus. Another tough-as-nails female makes it into the second round. As was predicted, Chuck Norris easily beat Tom Mason to a pulp. Somehow Mason got six votes, though. We assume those six people have all been roundhouse kicked in the sternum for going against Chuck.
Here we have an interesting match-up. Most of the cyborg organisms in this tournament have been women, but finally we have a male competitor who’s been enhanced by mechanical means. Going up against him is a wise-cracking U.S. Marshal played by Bruce Campbell.
Steve Austin – Known as the Six Million Dollar Man, Steve Austin was given a new lease on life after a tragic accident. After successful (and expensive) surgery to give him a bunch of bionic parts, Austin can now kick butt while acting the part of a really handsome RoboCop.
Strengths: He’s freaking bionic. Oh, and he fought an Andre the Giant Bionic Bigfoot and won by tearing off its arm – all in super slow motion.
Weaknesses: His bionics are cool, but that deep V-neck isn’t doing him any favors.
Brisco Country, Jr. – I ask you, how can you not be a fan of Bruce Campbell? It doesn’t matter that the series only lasted one season. With Bruce Campbell cracking jokes and taking down bad guys in the Wild West, it was one of my favorite shows to watch when I was younger.
Strengths: He’s a crack shot. Did you see the video above? He shot a bullet right down the barrel of some dude’s gun. Something tells me he could send a bullet right through Steve Austin’s telescopic eye without a second thought.
Weaknesses: Like so many of the characters in this tournament, Brisco is limited by coming from an earlier time period. Are six shooters enough to go up against the ’70s version of a robotic man?
No special powers or robotics are going on here. It’s just two characters who are damn good at their jobs. One plans and executes elaborate military actions, while the other hunts down the worst pedophiles and rapists New York has ever seen.
Sergeant Major Jonas Blane – It must suck to have a starring role in your own show, yet still be remembered for the other stuff you’ve done. Sure, Dennis Haysbert kicked a whole lot of terrorist butt in ‘The Unit’, but to most people he’ll always be known as either President Palmer from ’24’ or the guy from those All State commercials.
Strengths: I thought about putting up an All State commercial just for giggles, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy. I found a kill count video like the one I posted earlier for Jack Bauer (sorry, this one’s not embeddable), and Blane has killed a lot of people. I’m not sure how many seasons the video covers, but he gets up to 152 (one of the kills being a mule. Dude will even cap animals!).
Weaknesses: No one seems to remember Haysbert as Jonas Blane, which could hurt him come voting time.
Detective Olivia Benson – ‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’ is a show I can watch over and over whenever the USA Network runs another marathon. There’s just something about the show that sucks me right in, and then I realize six hours later that I’m still on the couch and I’ve watched more depravity and disgusting human nature than I’d care to admit. Benson puts up with a lot.
Strengths: You have to be one tough person to see the aftermath of murders, rape and child abductions. Benson is as tough as they come. She’s dealt with the seemingly endless line of New York scumbags for 13 seasons now, and shows no signs of slowing down.
Weaknesses: She’s just a cop, whereas Jonas Blane is a specially trained military badass. That could work against her quite heavily.