‘It’s Always Sunny’ 7.01 Recap: “I Burned Myself on a Rivet”

The ‘Sunny’ gang is back for a new season and things are… odd. While Dennis, Charlie and Dee seem the same, something is different with Mac and Frank. For starters, Mac is grossly overweight and Frank is in love with a literal crack whore that resembles the now-deceased Amy Winehouse. As if the new changes weren’t classically ‘Sunny’ enough, the episode only gets better from there.

Titled ‘Frank’s Pretty Woman’, the Season 7 premiere opens with Frank introducing his new “whoo-er” Roxy to the gang and telling them that he’s “gonna make that whore my wife.”

What makes Roxy such an awesome ‘Sunny’ character is her nonchalant vulgarity. She gets things done simply by swearing. Few characters can put the gang in check. Roxy is one of them. Referring to Paddy’s Irish Pub as a “shithole” and calling the gang a bunch of cocks upon meeting them shuts them up like no one has done before. (Plus, how funny is it that the filthiest character introduced on the show deems Paddy’s a dump?) If you thought the gang was crass, meet Roxy.

When Frank explains how Roxy is his number one prostitute, the gang determines that the only way make to her worthy of Frank’s hand in marriage is to get her to stop “plowing other dudes.” This is where the ‘Pretty Woman’ plot comes in. Dennis and Dee begin a mission to clean Roxy up to Julia Roberts’ standards, while Charlie tries to find a girl for Frank that’s not just into him for his money.

Now that the plot is established, enter fat Mac carrying a Hefty bag full of foil-wrapped Mexican food and chomping down on chimichangas all episode. Distracted by “fat as shit”” Mac and the fact that Roxy keeps calling him names like “baby dick,” Dennis leaves the ‘Pretty Woman’ plot behind to raise the integrity of “The Gross Crew” by showing Mac how fat he is and training him to lose weight.

Charlie and Frank have a heart-to-heart about Roxy while sterilizing some denim they found under a bridge through the cleansing power of boiling water. Every woman that’s ever been interested in Frank has only cared about his money. Charlie’s plan: Take a girl on a date who thinks that Charlie is a millionaire and that Frank is his limo driver. When Charlie fakes being sick and cancels mid-date, the girl and Frank will continue the date and make a love connection. After that – BLAMMO – Frank will reveals his wealth.

To get Mac to realize how fat he is, Dennis takes him to a hospital to have their blood tested and compared. As the results are read, it turns out Mac has Type 2 Adult Onset Diabetes and that Dennis is even less healthy than Mac, which sends Dennis into a downward spiral.

After watching Roxy down a bottle of Schnapps and smoke crack, Dee takes her shopping at a high-end clothes store where the tables are turned. When Dee sees Roxy’s brutally honest foul mouth get her what she wants, along with the wad of dirty cash she carries, the master becomes the apprentice and Dee covets the glamorous lifestyle of a prostitute.

When Charlie and Frank head off on their date, Charlie once again puts on the Texas millionaire caricature that we haven’t seen since Season 4 episode ‘The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis’. While trying to smooth-talk the girl in the limo, Charlie’s fake sickness become real in what could arguably be called the most disgusting gag in ‘Sunny’ history. Off screen, Charlie swallowed “like a million blood capsulets… to make it real,” which causes him to get really sick on screen and vomit fake blood all over the unsuspecting date. In another heart-to-heart, Frank conveys to Charlie how he really loves Roxy and that nothing anyone says will change that.

Dee goes to Roxy’s place to learn her glamorous ways when “Tiger Woods” shows up – only Tiger Woods isn’t Tiger Woods. It’s the same guy who pretended to be Donovan McNabb when Dennis, Mac and Dee tried out for The Eagles in Season 3’s ‘The Gang Gets Invincible’. Dee is about to give up on the prostitution bit when Roxy reveals that “Tiger” pays $500 just to rub her feet. Non-sex fetishes peak her interest when Tiger takes interest in Dee’s “bizarrely huge”” feet. Now Dee’s a “foot girl.”

The news of Dennis’ poor health also turns him around. Instead of training Mac in the ways of fitness, Mac now gets Dennis addicted to greasy chimichangas. Their new “no restrictions” lifestyle has them consuming whatever they desire. Going back to Season 2’s ‘Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare’, Dennis reveals what he craves the most – crack – and talks Mac into smoking it with him. Off to Roxy’s they go in search of crack.

When the gang gets together at Charlie’s to watch Frank propose to Roxy, the new leather-wearing foul-mouthed Dee presents herself. Franks gets down on one knee to propose and Roxy keels over from a heavy overdose. Blood-covered Charlie is afraid of what the police might think of a dead hooker in his apartment, so the gang unanimously decides to drag her into the hall and anonymously call 911.

Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman” plays as “The Gross Crew” hauls Roxy into the hall and exits. If you thought the characters of ‘Seinfeld’ were fun-to-watch awful people, they’ve got nothing on ‘Sunny’. Each season, the characters cross new taboo boundaries and raise their offenses to never-before-seen-on-basic-cable heights. ‘Frank’s Pretty Woman’ is a perfect example. We’ve started yet another fantastic season of ‘Sunny’.


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