‘Star Trek: The Art of Juan Ortiz’ Contest Results

If you ask me, I think that the ‘Star Trek: The Art of Juan Ortiz’ hardcover art book is one of the coolest prizes we’ve ever given away here on the site. I hope that the two winners enjoy it.

As explained in the original post, we challenged you to provide funny or clever captions for the following image:

Honorable Mentions
  1. Csm101: That’s the most realistic Michael Myers mask I’ve ever seen.
  2. Dave B: Kirk: “Well, I guess we’ve finally discovered the one species I won’t take to bed.”
  3. njscorpio: Roger Sterling began to regret taking LSD before Don’s pitch to Boar’s Head.
  4. Angela L: Listen you two: We’ve been hearing various complaints of both of you approaching random women and asking if you could “pork” them.
  5. Kyle W: When Kirk said he was looking to get a little tail, this wasn’t quite what he had mind.
  6. Adam C: Don’t worry, we’re all Jewish.
  7. Scott H: Set phasers to crispy.
  8. TCG: Look me in my eye-holes when you talk to me, Vulcan!
  9. Andrew B: Please remain calm while I respond to your offer. You’d think you Vulcans would get tired of huffing and puffing and blowing our houses down.
  10. Timcharger: For Shatner’s future financial well-being, he luckily overhears a discussion about a business plan where passengers bid on the airfare for space travel.
  11. Andrew B: Maybe you can convince Captain Kirk that the film we want to make, “Babe in Space,” is NOT exactly what he assumes it to be.
  12. Trebor E: Are you sure this isn’t the USS Swinetrek? I was looking for Captain Link Hogthrob.
  13. Jeremy R: Kirk decided that, from now on, he’d only respond to profiles with pictures on Match.com.
  14. No Kill I: “I’ll have you know, ambassador, that these are Members Only jackets.”
  15. Mark L: Did he just say that I’ve got a pretty mouth?
The Winners!

As you all demonstrated, this photo opened itself up to a lot of terrifically groan-worthy puns. So many of them were great, but EM here really just nailed it:

And to think they called Shatner a ham.

That’s it. That’s how you do it.

Cody later followed with:

*obvious Ziggy swipe alert*
Thanks for hosting the party here, guys. We would have had it at our place, but it’s a sty.

I believe, technically, that’s actually a reference to ‘Seinfeld’ referencing back to ‘Ziggy’. (As I recall, Jerry came up with a similar line for a ‘Ziggy’ caption contest in the New Yorker.) In any case, swipe or no swipe, it fits perfectly here and the meta-ness of the reference works on several levels.

Special Honorable Mention

As he acknowledged when making his entry, J.J. wasn’t eligible to win this time because he’d already won another contest earlier this year. That’s too bad, because this line of his was glorious:

“This party has turned into quite the sausage fest.”

Sorry, J.J. You’ll be eligible again starting in January.

Congratulations to EM and Cody for winning ‘Star Trek: The Art of Juan Ortiz’. If you didn’t win, copies of the book are available on Amazon. It’s worth checking out.

Thanks to everyone else for participating in our contest. Don’t forget to get your entries in for our ‘World War Z’ contest before Friday’s deadline.


  1. EM


    I’m sure I’ll enjoy and treasure this prize for many years to come (if not all the way through to the 23rd Century). As usual, thanks to Josh for hosting the contest; and thanks to my fellow contestants. Even on those numerous occasions when I don’t win, it’s fun to see the great entries others come up with (indeed, some of them had me worried!). Good luck on future contests! And congratulations to Cody, too!

  2. Cody M.

    Hahahaha this is awesome! Thank you so much!

    Yes, the Seinfeld episode and Elaine’s “pig at the complaint department” cartoon is exactly what I thought of first, but just in case, I covered my bases with the Ziggy credit.

    Thank you again for hosting the contest! Very much looking forward to reading this guy. Congrats to you, too, EM!

  3. EM

    Star Trek: The Art of Juan Ortiz is fantastic. I received my prize today, and I am astounded—the book even manages to make “The Alternative Factor” look like a good episode. I feel like a kid in a candy shop. In Disneyland . Not only are the retro art styles nifty, but a faux vintaging has been applied (posters look slightly stained, creased, etc.); it’s as though I am discovering actual ’60s artwork at last unearthed. Cody, high five (ya know, with a gap between the middle and ring fingers)! The rest of my fellow contestants, get this book—buy it, put it on your wish list, enter some other contest, whatever. Josh, thanks again.

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