The Netflix Stream: Week of January 8th, 2012

When looking through the movies being removed from Netflix this week, I began to get very excited. It looked like nothing of value would be lost. Instead, it turns out that Netflix will deprive us of great Shakespeare performances, and give us garbage in return. I’m not even going to link to the remake of ‘Carrie’, but I will call out one new movie in particular, whether you like it or not.

Leaving the Stream
  1. ‘Hogfather’ & ‘The Color of Magic’ (1/12): I’m starting with these to delay the inevitable. Both ‘Hogfather‘ and ‘Color of Magic‘ are TV movies based on books by Terry Pratchett. That’s not all they have in common, though. They’re also both really lousy. There are some really talented people involved, but they manage to take out all the jokes and character development so that they can hurry along the plot. But let’s say you’re hung-over after a long night of karaoke and drunken ‘Rock Band’, and you want to put on something kind of lighthearted that’s not so good that you have to pay attention to it. These movies are perfect for that.
  2. ‘Macbeth’, ‘Hamlet’ & ‘Henry V’ (1/15): Want to watch Laurence Olivier in ‘Hamlet‘ or ‘Henry V‘? How about Patrick Stewart in ‘Macbeth‘? Well, you’d better get on it. They’re all leaving the stream this weekend. Speaking as someone who has only dabbled in Shakespeare, I have to say that Stewart may surprise you. I was familiar with him from ‘Star Trek: TNG’ of course, but was really impressed by his performance in the recent production of ‘Hamlet’ with David Tennant.
Entering the Stream

‘Justin Bieber: Never Say Never’: I want to make one thing clear right off the bat: I neither love nor hate Justin Bieber, and I have no idea why he gets such a hard time. I don’t listen to any radio stations that play his music, and he’s never done a cameo in a TV show or movie I like. If you played me a Bieber song, I wouldn’t know it.

So am I telling you that you should watch ‘Never Say Never‘? Not at all. I’m calling this one out for having the stupidest reviews on Netflix. I know that Bonus View readers are way too classy to do this, but “Gay gay gay gay gay gay,” “justin bieber is a HOMO!,” and “this is the most thing ever even after justin rapes they still put it on I think his careir shoud end now” are not reviews. The last one is also not a coherent sentence.

Of course, comments like “I Wannna Be Mrs. Biebeerrr <3 Justin Bieber Is So Freaking Adorable !(:” aren’t reviews either, but I find myself willing to ignore the positive ones a bit more since they’re not homophobic or unreasonably hate-filled. This is a lot more real estate than I normally dedicate to one movie, but I thought it was justified. After all, reporting awful reviews for “not a review” and “objectionable language” was enough of a distraction to turn this post in an hour or so late. An hour of my time, I figure, is worth 250 words.

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