This week on ‘The Last Ship’, no one can agree on what “the mission” should be. The Bruvs head down to Miami for a little bit of that sun, sand, and recruiting more Immunes, killing non-Immunes and deciding whether to attack the destroyer. Meanwhile, the main characters aboard the Last Ship argue about taking revenge for blowing up all the labs, or maybe saving the world. Decisions, decisions…

This goes on for a loooong time. The captain, a little out of character, wants BLOOD! Dr. Red wants them to stay on mission and give the world the cure! We just need labs! They blew up all the labs! Phoenix: blown up, no survivors. Salt Lake: blown to bits, no survivors. Baltimore: got BLASTED! We cleverly added them to the secret lab network just in case the info ever got compromised by someone with the capability to launch missiles at them. In yo’ FACE, Baltimore. Wait, what?!

This is going to either be a boring episode, or there’s gonna be a RUMBLE!

Roll opening credits.

The episode proper starts out on the main deck of the Last Ship. Everyone is polishing all the guns, including the FIVE-INCH. I like the looks of THAT. Dr. Red is still making her case about saving the world. Turns out her Doctor Buddy was a super smart guy studying the cure via the measles. He probably figured out how to make some kind of powder form for the cure that we can just crop-dust on everyone. Unfortunately, Doctor Buddy sent off a video of his hospital getting attacked and him getting shot. Oh well, I guess we can get back to REVENGE…

He’s just down in Miami…

Not gonna happen! We gotta find that sub!…

We need to go to Miami….

No way…

I needs that BLOOD. We need to go to Miami!

Next scene, the Last Ship pulls into Miami. It’s all good, though. They brought the WOLF and Girlfriend2. The hospital is searched and lots and lots of dead doctors are found. Everyone is grouchy about it. Master Chief strikes up a moral compass chat with the captain: “I see vengeance in your eyes, matey. Don’t let this sub be yer white whale.”

“They are SO gonna pay for the lab missiling and now all these dead doctors! KHAAANNN!!”

After seeing her Doctor Buddy murdered, Dr. Red now fans the revenge flames too, informing the captain that those guys REALLY must die. You got it, sister. Turns out the folks who attacked the hospital drove off and left tire tracks so incriminating that the plot can follow. You know, just in case there might be a shoot-out.

We take a quick break from VENGEANCE to check in with the Bruvs. They’re doing a little looting when Patient Zero rolls up on a bicycle and rings his bicycle bell. He’s just been off meeting the nice people in Florida and breathing on/killing them. Younger Bruv still really wants to find that destroyer and is having a very difficult time convincing his sibling. Sibling starts to get a little pissed and pulls out his SWITCHBLADE! Younger Bruv changes his tune and agrees with Older Bruv’s plan, maybe.

OK, back to the potential action scene in Miami, where the tracks lead to a swamp and SWAMP FAN BOATS. The Last Ship put up a UAV to get some reconnaissance. They get a hit, about 23 miles away. Looks like it might be where the bad guys are. To the SWAMP FAN BOATS! (I can’t wait for a jet ski episode!)

Flash forward 23 miles and the Away Team lands at the hideout. People are just going about everyday activities. Looks like a safe zone. Or is it? The captain overhears some “radio chatter” that sounds vaguely Italian. I don’t think the captain speaks Italian, but he is a man full of surprises. The captain informs everyone that these guys are totally talking to the sub RIGHT NOW, which means the sub is at radio depth. OK, here’s the plan everyone: find that sub, figure out what’s going on here, 3, 2, 1, BREAK!

There hasn’t been any action yet, so we thought you’d like a little more talking. Dr. Red is slaving away with the bit of data they recovered from Doctor Buddy’s lab. She’s been at it a long while and Bacon thinks maybe she needs some grub. Turns out Green Mile use to cook for the President. Just lookin’ out for ya, ma’am! Next up, cooking lesson! He mentions a powder, errr, flour… you gotta mix it up real smooth… not too measley, not to death virusy…

I’ve got it! The Cure plotline of this episode tied up!

Back in the swamp, Tex goes undercover as a tactical survivor guy in need of a LOT of clothes. Everyone is cool, freely handing out a laundry basket full, and they’re all really American. I didn’t see a single dirty sub lovin’ Italian.

OK, they’re loading up these people in buses. We’re gonna disguise ourselves as regular folks and join in. No one will notice. We’re gonna go radio silent. Wolf, you’re in charge of those not getting on the bus, but in that stolen pickup truck loaded with all of our machine guns. Get in the convoy. That’s a ratty truck, so no one will notice that either.

A few of the crew board the Last Bus and off they go. The totally incognito pickup truck, with the rest of the Away Team, is not on radio silence. They radio in the plan.

The Last Ship discovers a radio signal coming from the sub to someone on land, probably the Italians. We can’t locate it so we’re gonna turn on the Active “give-away-our-position” Radar see if we can get a better lock. GO!

Uh, all I got is maybe a buoy? Crap. Though, it’s probably a radio buoy. Definitely maybe the radio buoy the sub is using to call out. BLAST IT!

They do. It’s all the real action we get during this episode. (Well, if you don’t count Wolf somersaulting off the back of the stolen pickup with a duffle bag assumedly full of badass.)

The Last Bus and the convoy arrive at some sort of facility/compound. Everyone gets off the bus and into a town meeting conference room. Older Bruv gives a speech that starts out with a few crowd warm-up lines like “What a lovely crowd tonight!” The captain notices Patient Zero and Younger Bruv. Here be our guys! Will they recognize the Captain?! Older Bruv is now starting a long campaign speech about the how the immune Secretary of Housing is next in line to be U.S. President.

Cheers! Applause!

They’re planning on taking over the USA! Slow-mo Captain Face close-up, acting with his eyes. Very dramatic and vengeful… but now is it Righteous Revenge?

Just as I suspected. Lots of talking, lots and lots of gun-teasing, but no action. Not the worst episode this season, but surely not the best. However, I sincerely suspect we’ll have a serious sub/destroyer showdown/blastfest sometime during the rest of this season. Please?