‘Glee’-Cap 2.12: Kiss and Tell

After being off the air for nearly two months, ‘Glee’ barraged the Fox programming schedule with two new episodes last week. I’ve already covered the Super Bowl episode earlier, so now let’s take a look at the Valentine’s-themed episode that aired in the regular Tuesday night slot. (It seems apropos to run the recap today, on the actual Valentine’s Day, doesn’t it?)

‘Glee’ has never put on much of any pretense of realism in its storylines. Even so, episode ‘Silly Love Songs’ asks us to believe that Puck suddenly has the hots for freakazoid Lauren, and that’s a stretch by any standard. He claims that he’s turned on by the fact that she’s a bigger badass than he is. That she seems to be immune to his charms only makes the desire all the more irresistible. When Mr. Schuester assigns the club to do love songs (it is Valentine’s Day, after all), Puck thinks it’s a good idea to serenade her to “Fat Bottomed Girls” in front of the class. He assumes that it will be empowering and prove that he’s into her for being herself, but Lauren feels humiliated by the experience. This is the proverbial Epic Fail. Puck then makes it his mission through the rest of the episode to win her over.

In contrast to this, Finn is Mr. Popular once again. He’s captain of the winning football team, and all the girls in school swoon over him – save one. Their kiss in the previous episode has convinced Finn that he desperately wants Quinn back, but she insists that she’s with Sam now. Finn sets up a kissing booth in the middle of the school, allegedly for a fundraiser, as a ploy to make Quinn jealous and get her to kiss him again. She resists at first, but then agrees to kiss him at the booth to prove that there’s no longer anything between them. That doesn’t exactly work out. They both feel fireworks when they kiss. Quinn then arranges to sneak off with Finn behind Sam’s back.

Santana is on the outs with Glee Club for being such a catty bitch all the time. She’s also pissed at Lauren for stealing Puck’s heart. She tries to start a catfight with Lauren in the school hallway, only to have it turn into more of a WWE match. Lauren slams her into lockers like a rag doll.

When Santana picks up on the clues that Quinn is cheating on Sam with Finn, she enacts a devious plan to make them a bigger target of the group’s scorn than she is. She heads to the local hospital in a smokin’ hot candy striper outfit that looks like she picked it up on the set of a porno, finds a kid with Mono, and collects some of his germs the old fashioned way with a deep tongue kiss. When the nurse tries to warn her off, Santana gets in the best line of the episode: “I’ve had Mono so many times it turned into Stereo.” Her next stop is the kissing booth, where she spreads the germs to Finn, who will of course pass them onto Quinn. When they both come down sick, even oblivious Sam can’t miss that sign.

While this is going on, Kurt is over at Dalton pining over Blaine. When Blaine asks the Warblers to help him with a romantic gesture for someone, Kurt assumes that he’s the subject. Obviously, he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. Blaine actually has a crush on a clerk at The Gap named Jeremiah. Kurt is crestfallen, but nonetheless helps with Blaine’s “Gap Attack,” a flash mob performance of “When I Get You Alone” in the middle of the store. Sadly, Jeremiah isn’t into Blaine at all, and even gets fired for the stunt. Kurt finally admits his feelings for Blaine, which Blaine seems genuinely surprised by.

Other musical numbers of note include Mike Chang and Artie serenading their ladies to “PYT,” Tina having an awkward emotional breakdown in the middle of “My Funny Valentine,” and Rachel celebrating herself (while declaring that she’s finally over Finn) to Katy Perry’s “Firework.” That’s two episodes in a row of Katy Perry songs. As nice as it is to hear them without auto-tune for a change, I hope we can move on to something different from now on.

In the final scene, Kurt stages a Lonely Heart’s Club event at Breadsticks, in which the Warblers perform “Silly Love Songs.” All of his friends from New Directions show up (even those in couples), and we get a suggestion that Sam and Santana are headed for a hook-up next.

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