The best thing that can be said about the ‘Entourage’ movie is that fans of the HBO series should love it. Unfortunately, that’s also the worst thing that can be said about the movie, given that the bros who love this multimillion dollar ode to bro-ness don’t tend to demand much in their entertainment beyond lifestyle porn and casual misogyny.
There’s really nothing here to like, especially since series creator/writer/director Doug Ellin managed to come up with a story that ensures all the characters are in pretty much the exact same place that they were at the end of the movie as they were when it began. You know, like a bad TV series.
To show just how vapid the series was (and to double down on the douche content), the filmmakers kick things off by summing up eight seasons worth of television with a single Piers Morgan montage. Adrian Grenier plays Vinnie Chase, the attractive/famous movie star (still his character’s only personality traits). Kevin Dillon plays his burnout actor brother Johnny. Jerry Ferrara plays his driver Turtle, who is now very rich (that’s supposed to be a joke), and Kevin Connolly plays his manager/bestie/whatever Eric.
Then there’s Jeremy Piven as Ari Gold, Vinnie’s particularly dickish agent, who’s now the head of a studio and put all his clout and money into greenlighting some sort of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde blockbuster for Vinnie to both star in and direct. Vinnie won’t show him the almost final cut of the movie, but needs completion money, so Ari is forced to suck up to a Texas billionaire financier (Billy Bob Thornton) and his idiot son (Haley Joel Osment). On top of that, Eric’s on-again/off-again girlfriend is pregnant so they may have to be on again. Johnny is up to something or other, and Turtle is trying to hook up with UFC fighter Ronda Rousey. (If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen that entire subplot – seriously, all of it.)
That might sound like a lot of plot threads given how many characters are involved, but it’s shocking how little actually happens in the movie. These aren’t really storylines; they’re just premises, the type of thing that creator-turned-director Ellin used to bring into his ‘Entourage’ writers’ room hoping that they could be fleshed out. Since a movie is shorter than a TV season, none of the stories really go anywhere. They’re just stuff that happens, very inconsequential and stupid stuff with no meaning. So why does it all happen, you might ask? Well, to provide a vehicle for the real selling points of ‘Entourage’: gaudy excess, celebrity cameos, swearing and T&A.
Seeing celebrities play a-hole versions of themselves was tired by the time ‘Entourage’ first came around, and a meager feature running time means that the celebrities are just sight gags with middle fingers. As for the swearing and T&A, the weirdest thing about watching this movie is remembering a time when a TV show seemed edgy and interesting simply because it had swears and boobs. ‘Entourage’ coasted on that for a while, but that novelty has long worn off. Not to mention that this isn’t even a TV spinoff movie like ‘South Park’ that benefits from an R-rating to allow the creators to get away with more on the big screen than they could have on the small one. The TV version of ‘Entourage’ already got away with anything it wanted on HBO, including full-frontal nudity. If anything, Ellin and company can do less with their movie. Given the fact that all this R-rated nonsense only fuels hateful, wasteful and demeaning boneheaded bro fantasies, who even cares?
What exactly is the movie supposed to offer? A return of beloved characters? None of the characters were ever that interesting beyond Piven’s Maximus Dickus (and even he got tiresome before the show ended). Maybe there are some unfinished character arcs to tie up? No, not really. Even if there were, nothing of consequence happens here.
Truthfully, it’s hard to say what anyone will get out of the movie. Even the ‘Sex and the City’ movies that were equally superfluous were at least insane. Doug Ellin and the ‘Entourage’ gang can’t even be bothered to jump the shark in style or delve deeper into bad taste than ever before. They’ve merely delivered a big limp extension to a limp series that proves how empty ‘Entourage’ always was by tossing it up on a bigger canvas.
The movie is like the biggest and most expensive selfie ever taken by Doug Ellin, with a bunch of half-embarrassed celebrities in the background. Like all selfies, it’s a useless waste of time that does little beyond satisfying some egos. There won’t be a worse movie than ‘Entourage’ shat out of Hollywood this year. Period.