Monday’s Movie Madness contests were pretty lopsided. Christian Bale’s Batman easily defeated his great nemesis, Heath Ledger’s Joker. I thought that would be a closer battle, but Batman pulled ahead early and never looked back. In the other matchup, commando extraordinaire Dutch effortlessly took out Inigo Montoya. Those two move onto the Cinematic Sixteen, while their opponents now lay bleeding and broken in the streets. Today we’ll check out the DVD bracket, where John McClane will take on Col. Hans Landa, and the Blu-ray bracket, where Paul Kersey will face off against Hannibal Lecter.

John McClane climbed what seemed like an insurmountable obstacle in the first round by defeating screen legend James Bond. In all fairness, it was the Sean Connery Bond that he had to go up against. Still, it was one of those rounds where people seemed to realize that no matter how popular someone is, there’s always someone else waiting around the corner to beat the crap out of him.

John McClane – He made taking out James Bond seem relatively easy, and that’s a tough feat. Now he’s going up against Col. Hans Landa. McClane is used to defeating Germans named Hans. This isn’t new territory for him. Remember the last German Hans he dealt with? I seem to remember him falling from a skyscraper with a bullet hole in his head.

Tools of the Trade: McClane uses his strong-headed stubbornness to get through his battles with evil world terrorists. It doesn’t matter if it’s him against a thousand henchmen, McClane will still find a way to win. He’s never the underdog, even if he’s all by himself. “Oh, John McClane is in another fight with international terrorists? Hmm… I wonder who will win.” Oh, and he’s pretty good with a gun too.

Col. Hans Landa – He’s German, which we’ve already established is a huge hindrance when fighting someone like McClane. Landa was able to get past Edmond Dantes in the first round with his cunning intellect, but will that same intellect be able to take on McClane? Remember when Hans Gruber tried to pretend to be someone else when McClane found him on the rooftop? He thought he was so clever.

Tools of the Trade: It’s possible that Landa could somehow outsmart McClane. That’s his only shot at winning this battle. Even with hordes of Nazis to do Landa’s bidding, McClane still comes out on top due to his ability to live through just about anything.

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Paul Kersey got past boxer Jake Lamotta in the first round due to that crucial factor of guns versus no guns. All Lamotta had was his fists, while Kersey had an arm cannon. You do the math. Lecter, on the other hand, bested Captain Hook. It was also an easy battle for the creepy cannibal, but has he met his match with Kersey?

Paul Kersey – He’s hell-bent on social justice, his way. He uses any means necessary to dispense street justice to thugs and anyone else who is in need of being taught a lesson.

Tools of the Trade: His trusty gun. There’s no substitute for a well-cleaned firearm to kill anyone who gets in his way. This could end up being a huge factor in this fight. When was the last time you saw Lecter handling a firearm with precision?

Hannibal Lecter – He’s an evil genius who eats people. Yup, that’s about the gist of this evil, evil man. Never have I been so terrified of a fictional character. I remember watching ‘The Silence of the Lambs‘ for the first time and thinking, “How can a guy behind two inches of plexiglass still seem so terrifying?” He was extremely frightening, but is Paul Kersey scared of him?

Tools of the Trade: Lecter uses his vast intellect to confuse and ensnare his victims. He loves mind games. He loves burrowing into people’s psyches and pushing their buttons to see how they react. Lecter isn’t known for his firearms ability, though. Does that make him vulnerable to Kersey’s brand of street justice? Also, remember that Lecter is as bad as criminals get, and Kersey really, really hates criminals.

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