Posted Tue Sep 4, 2012 at 12:45 PM PDT by Aaron Peck
It's that time of year again! Grab your backpacks and books, 'cause you're heading back to school! Oh come on, it's not that bad. We'll tell you what, here's a long list of back to school movies to take your mind off the back to school blues...
Whether you're in middle school, high school, college, or grad school, chances are we've got just the movie for you! After classes and homework, why not take some time out of your hectic Fall schedule to enjoy a movie or three. You'll need it, trust us!
8th Year College Senior
Congratulations! You've somehow piled up 254 credits and still haven't graduated. You've become the campus legend, trolling around campus on your longboard, sporting flip-flops, no shirt, and a worn-out guitar you use to woo the ladies. Life is good, right?
As you live the life of campus luxury, one might wonder what you do with all your free time. We're pretty sure you've watched 'Van Wilder' approximately 170 times since entering college. The first time you watched it you probably realized, hey that dude's got the right idea!
Another great title to add to your growing collection of Blu-rays would be 'Old School.' Those guys are looking toward the future just like you. A future full of quads, ultimate Frisbee, and midnight streaking. Damn, it feels good to be the king.
(Note: We know you already have 'Animal House' playing on a constant loop in your frat house living room, that's why we didn't mention it.)
Hipster High School Senior Living in the 80s
Look, we totally understand the whole awesome retro vibe you've got going on here. It's cool, nobody else understands you because you're edgy and you don't kowtow to the popular tastes of the day. Instead you revel in vinyl and brag about the sweet albums you just picked up at the thrift store. Who cares if you were born in the mid-90s, you know what's cool.
A connoisseur of tastes such as yours requires very discerning movie-watching habits. In this case anything made in the 80s by John Hughes is free game. Everything else isn't worth your time.
It's time to break out all the classics, or as you like to call them, "The only high school comedies with real substance." 'The Breakfast Club' will resonate with your outsider status. 'Sixteen Candles' will play with your keen sensibilities. 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' was, at one time, a little too mainstream for your tastes, but has been somewhat forgotten by the recent generation of hardcore gamers and fanboys, so don't worry, it's cool to like it again.
You may even want to give a comedy like 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High' a try. It's not John Hughes, but it does involve Cameron Crowe (and Amy Heckerling), and somehow, when you reference Cameron Crowe in everyday conversation, it makes you feel a little more enlightened than the person you're talking to... just like the man himself.
(Note: Hear me out here. We know you absolutely wrote-off the recent '21 Jump Street' as Hollywood remake trash. You probably even own the DVDs for the original TV show because you like to pretend you knew about Johnny Depp before anyone else. Well, give the remake a try. Seriously, it's funny. Just don't let your other hipster friends know about it.)
Sexually Frustrated Teenager
It's tough. We know. You go to health class and you see all those hot charts of the female reproductive system, except you can't find a real girl to actually show them to you. This is a difficult time in your life. So it's understandable if you'd want to go home and find out exactly what you're missing out on.
Thankfully sex-crazed Hollywood and their devious plans to corrupt the youngsters of our nation (your parent's words, not ours) play right into your favor. Hollywood has been producing nudity-filled high school movies ever since…well, we don't know when, but that doesn't matter because boobs are awesome.
There's a long list of libido-livening movies that you could pick up to enjoy. Why not take in the classic 'American Pie'? Those Shannon Elizabeth scenes never get old. Or there's 'Cruel Intentions,' because Hollywood understands your fascination with seeing girls smooch on screen and has totally got your back. Another good selection would be 'Superbad,' which is an anthem to sexually repressed teenagers everywhere.
Some people call you emo, but you don't really care since they don't know anything about you anyway. Your parents didn't understand you, your ex-boyfriends didn't understand you, even your therapist doesn't understand you. You're your own person and we completely appreciate that.
The next time you set down your copy of Leaves of Grass and deign to take in a cultured flick about education, you may want to check out the likes of 'Dead Poets Society.' Yes, we know it has Robin Williams and he's just about everything you despise in an actor, but this role is a complete 180-degree turn for him. Trust us, you'll love it. Also, you're so cultured that you probably hate listening to "regular dialogue," hence the Whitman poems. How about checking out 'Brick'? How could you pass up an exchange like this?
Brendan: "Your muscle seemed plenty cool putting his fist in my head. I want him out."
The Pin: "Looky, soldier..."
Brendan: "The ape blows or I clam."
See, you don't even know what that scene is about but you still can't wait to see the movie right? You're definitely the only one who truly understands subtext. 'Brick' has oodles of it.
All-Star High School Quarterback
Why do we even bother? You've got 'Remember the Titans' and 'Friday Night Lights' on a daily rotation to get you pumped for the big game. They also give you that feeling of football being larger than life and we all know that you are.
Lovesick High School Sophomore Who Listens to Far Too Much Taylor Swift
Guys suck, but you can't help but fall for them. Only you always fall for the wrong ones and then end up driving alone at night, crying, and cranking Swift's break-up ballads at ear-screeching volume. All you need to know is that love conquers all. Just like the pop songs say.
As you sit, waiting for Mr. Right, you'll probably want to take in a few movies that confirm your completely realistic ideal that a perfectly sensitive, six-pack sporting Mr. Right is out there somewhere.
'10 Things I Hate About You' is a good place to start because it's still a good movie without being too cheesy with the whole, "Love Knows No Boundaries" theme. After that, fire up 'She's All That.' This movie has a two-pronged approach. On one hand it demonstrates how terrible and insensitive guys can be, and on the other hand it shows that deep down they're everything you've dreamt they could be.
(Note: Watch as many of the 'Twilight' films as much as possible. You've read the books and you've fantasized aplenty about Edward Cullen stealing into your bedroom in the middle of the night and then abstaining from having sex with you because he's just that awesome. It's great to have dreams for the future, especially if they include that totally realistic and completely sane sliver of hope that maybe one day a Cullen will bite you, impregnate you, and then fight with a Native American werewolf for your undying love.)
That's it for Part 1. Part 2 will be along shortly. Until then watch 'Can't Hardly Wait' because it's just plain hilarious and everyone will enjoy it.
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