Weekend Roundtable: What Disney Classic Will Tim Burton Ruin Next?

At this point, it’s very clear that Disney is intent on remaking all of its classic animated movies into new live action blockbusters. In addition to ‘Maleficent’ and the new ‘Cinderella’, news broke this week that the studio is bringing back Tim Burton (who did ‘Alice in Wonderland’ a few years ago) to make a live action ‘Dumbo’. Why this is needed is anyone’s guess, but I’m sure it won’t be the end. When he’s done messing with that one, what Disney classic will get run through the Burtonian blender next?

More importantly, what role will Johnny Depp inevitably play in it?

Luke Hickman

Next up on Tim Burton’s craptastic string of Disney remakes, I see him doing a live-action version of ‘Pinocchio‘. He’ll recycle the kid actor who played Jack in ‘Into the Woods’ (Daniel Huttlestone) for the titular role. In a gender reversal, Helena Bonham Carter will play the lost-her-marbles creator Geppetta. Johnny Depp will play the sly and evil fox “Honest” John Worthington Foulfellow. Burton could apply the technology Peter Jackson used to make Hobbits look small next to human men in order to make Gilbert Gottfried play the perfect Jiminy Cricket. He could also bring in ‘Sweeney Todd’ actor Sasha Baron Cohen to play the evil puppet-maker Stromboli. And the blue fairy will be played by one of J.J. Abrams’ lens flares.

Shannon Nutt

‘Tim Burton’s Lady and the Tramp‘. Using state-of-the art CGI, Burton will have Johnny Depp play BOTH the Lady and the Tramp in this romantic tale. Audiences will be brought to tears (although not necessarily of joy) as we watch Depp share a strand of spaghetti with HIMSELF. The movie will co-star Helena Bonham Carter as, you guessed it, BOTH Siamese cats, forcing her to sing a duet with herself, and reminding her of why she no longer lives with the director. The movie will be panned by critics, but will naturally gross a billion dollars at the box office, leading to ‘Tim Burton’s Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp’s Big Adventure’ starring Paul Reubens.

Mike Attebery

I hate to break some bad news, but Tim Burton has also signed on to direct a reboot of the live action ‘101 Dalmatians‘ franchise. The most surprising news is that the puppies in the film will not be created using CGI, but will actually involve puppetry and stop-motion animation, save for the character of Patch, the proud papa pup, who will be played by Johnny Depp. Depp will also play Cruella De Vil, of course.

Adam Tyner (DVDTalk)

I started out trying to think of something sarcastic and snarky, and then it hit me: I actually could picture Tim Burton casting Johnny Depp as the conniving fox in ‘Pinocchio‘. I could hear Danny Elfman unleashing a darkly bouncy rendition of “When You Wish upon a Star.” I can envision the artfully rundown pub, a monstrous CGI whale splashing around in a digital sea, all sorts of slapstick as that little wooden puppet’s nose starts to grow, and whoever Burton’s ghostly pale, wide-eyed, raven-haired muse of the moment is in the role of the Blue Fairy. Even worse, now I kind of want to see it.

M. Enois Duarte

After Tim Burton is done with ‘Dumbo’, probably with the different ending requested by PETA, I imagine he’ll want to a live-action version of ‘The Black Cauldron‘. His go-to clown of many faces extraordinaire Johnny Depp would probably play the Horned King. Or at least, I think that’s the role he should play, but it’s more likely he and Burton will have him be Fflewddur Fflam. However, if I could, I would suggest that Helena Bonham Carter should take on that role with the help of lots and lots of makeup. Meanwhile, Kyle Catlett of ‘The Following’ would be perfect as Taran. For Princess Eilonwy, they can have Kiernan Shipka.

Brian Hoss

This is easy. Tim Burton would tackle ‘Pinnochio‘ with the same zest he applies to all of his other recent projects. That means that Johnny Depp would play the roles of both Geppetto and of Pinocchio, but would use different crazy-eyed contacts for each character. Of course, Helena Bonham Carter would play Jiminy Cricket.

Philip Brown

Song of the South‘. Depp in every role. Blackface.

Josh Zyber

Honestly, I don’t dislike Burton’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’ as much as some people do. Still, I think the director is stuck in a rut, and doing ‘Dumbo’ sounds like a spectacularly bad idea. You know what might be even worse, though? How about stabbing directly into the soul of Disney by casting Johnny Depp as none other than Mickey Mouse himself in a new ‘Fantasia‘? Of course, it’ll be a massively gaudy, 3D CGI eyesore, and rather than use classical music, Danny Elfman will provide a brand new score that sounds exactly like every other Danny Elfman score. The only thing in the movie not CGI’d to death will be Johnny Depp, who will wear a pair of Mickey ears purchased off the shelf at a Disney store, a sorcerer’s cloak and cap that he just happened to have in his closet anyway for Tuesday evenings on the town, and lots of eyeliner (because, Johnny Depp).

Burton himself can play the dancing broom. No special makeup required.

You know it’s inevitable, so tell us what Disney classic you think Tim Burton and Johnny Depp will desecrate next.


    • Elizabeth

      Fortunately the only one dumb enough to hire Rob Schneider is his buddy Adam Sandler. So I think we’re safe with a Tim Burton film.

      • Scott H

        Gilbert Godfrey would reprise his role as Theago dressed in a large bird costume and miniaturized using forced perspective. Michael Keaton would play the genie. While Aladdin would played by Johnny Depp and the princess by Helena Bonam and Javaar by Christopher Walkin and the princesses father by Danny Davito.

  1. agentalbert

    “Maleficent” is better than “Sleeping Beauty”. I don’t think Burton was involved in that one, but he did very well with “Alice In Wonderland” imo.

    • Ryan

      Maleficent took a big steaming dump over the story of Sleeping Beauty. I have no clue why Disney felt the need to completely change everything (for the worse).
      And Alice In Wonderland was infinitely worse.
      The new Cinderella, though, I quite like!

    • William Henley

      Completely agree – “Maleficent” is wonderful. It is one of my favorite Disney live-action movies (up there with Mary Poppins, Saving Mr Banks, Pollyanna and Flight of the Navigator).

      I am not as big of a fan of “Alice In Wonderland”, but I am still a huge fan. Truthfully, I haven’t seen a Burton movie I haven’t liked (although some are better than others)

  2. Wow I can’t really argue with all the remarks and I agree that Tim Burton needs to stretch himself a lot more but reading through these as a whole, I’m blown away by just how cynical and dismissive we have become of him. I think people are more hard on him precisely because he has shown such talent and originality in the past so it is that much more disappointing when he drags out a rehash of his greatest hits. That said he has created some truly great and classic films. I just hope he starts writing his own films à la Big Fish and stops trying to redo old classics.

  3. Tim Burton Productions presents The Lion King. He will make it a live action type of movie, Lions will look like they do in Chronicles of Narnia. Johnny Depp will voice Scar, Neil Patrick Harris will voice baby Simba.

    Next will be a Song of the South, however it’s not what you think. People have been harping Disney for YEARS in a properly release for this classic. Burton will keep some of the same character names and Depp will most definitely take lead on this one. The ONLY thing that will remain similar will be the character names, nothing else. Totally new story, new plot, everything. Anyone that has not actually seen this remake or read a review will be duped into buying this movie thinking it is the movie they’ve been waiting to see released, only to pop it in their player and be out $25. Afterall, once the movie is opened, it is not returnable. Even the cover art/movie posters will be done in their original 40’s style. Disney is going to have more money than any deity once they pull this one on us!

    Pete’s Dragon – not much has been said about the remake on this one. Secretly Burton & Depp are already signed and well into production. Depp will be the equivalent of Norah. Will you be his candle on the water?

  4. C.C. 95

    -“Next up on Tim Burton’s craptastic string of Disney remakes…”
    String of remakes?! He’s made ONE, dude.

  5. Tim takes on Robin Hood. Ewan McGregor as Robin, Bill Murray as Little John, Eva Green as Marian, Depp as Prince John, Wallace Shawn as Sir Hiss, Paul Giamatti as the Sheriff of Nottingham. Stop-motion animated.

  6. Rick Rosenberg

    I really have to very much agree with Mike Christy. It is much too easy to tear things apart than to create. We all have our own failures.

  7. Chris B

    Next up is Peter Pan! Burton can have Johnny Depp play Captain Hook! Wouldn’t he be great as an eccentric over-the-top pilot with wit, charm and eye-liner to spare?! Well?!….oh right….fuck.

  8. William Henley

    Am I the only one who is EXCITED about Burton directing Dumbo? The story fits so well into Burton’s style – Dumbo’s drunk dream, the fear of performing in the ring and the mistreatment he gets at the circus, seperation from his mother. I for one have high hopes for this – I am thinking this may end up being one of Burton’s greatest works.

    But ont the topic of this roundtable, Burton directing The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast would be wonderful (plus the idea of a live action Ariel – cast some hot 18 year old in the role, and have her run around in nothing but seashells for half the movie – I’m in!)

    Little Mermaid – Ariel lives in this strange, unusual underwater kingdom, non-existant mother, a father who is so busy ruling the kingdom that he is completely absent from his daughter’s lives, vain and shallow sisters, and her closest friend and her chaparone are both of another species. One day she meets a male of another species, and falls instantly in love (do we see a trend here? Girl who has a hatred toward her own species). She goes to the sea witch, who in a strange twist of events, ends up being her mother (“things were different when I was in the palace”), but years of exile has turned her into a person worse than who was originally exiled. She has become so infatuated with her daughter’s voice, she will do whatever is necessary to have it, including killing her own daughter. But in a weird twist of brief motherly compassion coming through, she gives Ariel her wish, and turns her into a human, and gives her three days to make the price fall in love with her.

    The human world is like a parody of itself. She meets Eric, who then sings a solo about “Could she be the one” at night, in front of a full moon, while walking over a hill, then they go on a boat ride in a swamp that resembles the start of the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland. In a moment of horror, Ariel is served seafood for dinner. The sea witch, shocked at the progress her daughter is making, and afraid that she will loose the cherrished voice, becomes human herself in order to try to lure the prince away.

    Beauty and the Beast – is it just me, or does every single Disney character come from a home where one or both parents are missing, and the remaining parent is either crazy, unattentive or downright evil? Belle lives with her crazy father who invents machines that he hopes will help mankind, but all turn into monstrosities that could hurt or kill them. The townspeople are all vain, one-dimensional characters who are perfectly content to take their designated role in society. The vainest of all is Gaston – hunter, town-record-holder for wrestling and fist fights, has a horrible temper, and has an unhealthy infatuation with Belle, who tries to mentally escape this flat, one-dimensional world by escaping into books. He proposes, she rejects him, he becomes bitter, she gets a restraining order, he strong-arms the judge and the police throughout the movie, and comes searching for her, but we are getting ahead of ourself in the story.

    One day, Belle’s father goes missing, so she goes out to find him. Her father has been captured by a horrible monster, and impressioned inside of a cursed castle, where the entire castle staff has been cursed and turned into objects. Belle exchanges her life for his. The monster realizes that Belle could break the curse, but has no love for her, and is frightened that she will run away, and hence begins an abusive, submissive relationship. Belle falls in love with her abuser, the monster starts to see this, and is touched, and starts to fall in love with her as well. (The lession of Beauty and the Beast, girls, is to stick in an abusive, controlling relationship because he might eventually fall in love with you).

    Gaston, blind with lust and rage, then leads a mob to try to destroy the monster. In a twist of fate, Belle throws herself in front of the monster as Gaston is throwing a spear, mortally wounded. In outrage,the monster kills Gaston, and this act of love on both character’s part breaks the curse. Belle survives, but has a permanant wound that causes her to limp around and be in intense pain for the rest of her life.

    • William Henley

      Oh, in Little Mermaid, Eric is played by Orlando Bloom, the sea witch by Helena Bonham Carter, and the sea king is played by Johnny Depp.

      In Beauty and the Beast, Depp playes the father, Helena Bonham Carter plays the wardrobe. Abigail Breslin plays Belle.

        • William Henley

          Well, now, I agree, she should be excellent in the role, but I am not sure if I want to see another straight live-action remake unless there is a twist or gimick to it. Maleficent worked because it was a whole new story. Burton doing a Disney movie would work because, well, its Burton.

          • Beauty and the Beast is my favorite of the princess style movies from Disney, and I’m loving so far, everyone they’re picking for the cast. I’m actually getting stoked. I haven’t seen Cinderella yet, but just from what I read, I like the approach. To keep it an old school classic. I definitely wouldn’t want to see Belle lead an army in battle gear for this one. I don’t mind surprises, but if they try to make it too hip and modern, it will become dated real soon. I kind of hope they take some cues from the 1946 La Belle et la Bete. That movie is pretty amazing. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself with excitement, but so far, things are looking up for this one.

  9. Lord Bowler

    I think a good possibility could be “Mary Poppins”.

    A remake of this may actually be good, but with Tim Burton? I don’t know…

    But, Disney will probably think it’s right up his alley…

  10. Yadhit Sarmiento

    I actually thought that Alice in Wonderland was pretty decent except for the girl who was cast as Alice. She was very bland with the character but the rest of the cast were very good.

  11. Yadhit Sarmiento

    I wouldn’t mind Tim doing his own version of Aladdin with a more darker serious tone but Disney will probably say NO wanting it to stay more family friendly. I don’t mean a R movie but just darker.

  12. Megan

    this is terrible.. the kids from the 90s generation and up require more computer generated movies to make them more “colorful” than originally mastered as.. its pitiful that a director has to ruin these genuine classic disney films.. but whats more important is why in the hell did disney give the rights and or abilities to this guy”burton” so he could ruin their original innocence brought to youngsters around the world from 1930’s to before burtons first disney movie that he destroyed.. and thats exactly what he is doing.. i will never ever waste my time to watch ANY of his movies..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *