‘Bill & Ted’ Contest Results

Greetings, most excellent High-Def Digest readers! The blog will be closed on Thursday and Friday for the Thanksgiving holiday. Before we head off for the long weekend, we couldn’t leave you without announcing the winners of last week’s triumphant contest. Two of you will receive ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure‘ on Blu-ray. Righteous!

As explained in the contest post, our challenge was to provide a funny or clever caption for the following image:

Let’s get to it.

Honorable Mentions
  1. Michael R: “You think you got problems? I found this string of hair in my shower this morning!”
  2. Sean R: “So she tells me the last one she had was this big.”
  3. Al: “Pinch the nipples GENTLY!”
  4. Eric H: ” I dropped one that long. No more Taco bell for me, guys.”
  5. Kirby A: “I tell you the afterlife is EXCELLENT! Doob’s this big!”
  6. Mike: “The one drawback to time travel; it’s sticky.”
  7. cgimovieman: “Many bowling scores are way up. Many golf scores are way down. And dudes, righteous genetic engineering has allowed for babes to have not just one, but two erogenous zones.”
  8. Peter: “Dudes, I’ve come to warn you, do not buy into HD DVD. Say it with me with me now: Blu-ray. Your music sound on a DTS HD format will bring peace to the world… Yes Way.”
  9. Rob E: “Strange things are afoot at High-Def Digest!”
  10. EM: “The old man…worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium – a master.”
The Winners!

I feel slightly conflicted about this, because William has admitted that he already bought a copy of the disc for himself in the meantime, but his entry which managed to work in all seven of George Carlin’s notorious “dirty words” into a parody of one of his ‘Bill & Ted’ character’s speeches, was legitimately one of the cleverest responses we received.

Welcome to the future, San Dimas, California, 2688. Men are clean, women are clean, even the nipples are clean! Sadly, generations of mutations over the centuries since the last nuclear war means that tits are all small. On the plus side, I have the most excellent cock size, really excellent to fuck the tiny mutated cunts with. Piss on that shit, those cocksuckers don’t know a good motherfucking cunt when they see it.

I can imagine this as a deleted scene that Carlin would have really said on set.

To make this a truly fair contest, I have to reward the entries that I genuinely consider the best, and I think this one qualifies. So, William, either you can have a spare copy of ‘Bill & Ted’ to give away as a gift, or we can try to work some alternate arrangement behind-the-scenes.

For the rest of you, fear not. We have a second copy of ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ to give away. That one goes to Pedram:

This is the number of Oscars you guys can look forward to in your careers.

Ouch! Burn!

Congrats to William and Pedram. Thanks to everyone for participating. Have a happy Thanksgiving. We’ll see you back here on Monday.


  1. William Henley

    🙂 Yeah, I had the movie preordered for months! I have been waiting for this movie to come out on Blu-Ray since the format came out in 2006 (granted, I bought my player in January of 2007).

    Must say, guys, if you are a fan of the movie, the Blu-Ray is a must-own! The discount price, combined with the upgrade over the DVD in the visual quality, is really worth it.

  2. Pedram

    Wow, this is totally excellent! And also unexpected.

    Thanks to all who participated; there were some really amusing ones in there. I will try to use my Blu-Ray copy to the fullest 🙂

  3. EM

    Congratulations to both Pedram and William. And thanks to William, without whom I would not have thought of my honorably acclaimed entry!

  4. EM

    Ha ha! Remember: they’re not my words; they’re Jean Shepherd’s (though the quote’s a little inexact).

    This back-and-forth is emblematic of the fun of these contests. It’s fun to win, but not everybody is going to win (I certainly didn’t expect to, due to a moratorium after my last win—that should be ending just about now, though!). Win or not, honorable mention or not, I find it’s fun to play, and my fellow contestants’ entries help egg me on.

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