Only one videogame is really worth talking about this week. Normally, I’d put in some recommendations of my own. The truth is, I’m out of cool games to recommend outside of the stuff you already know about, like ‘Skyrim’. Instead, I’ll just make fun of some shovelware.

Mario Kart 7 (3DS)

It’s so weird that after all this time, Nintendo has decided to switch things up and go with a traditional naming convention. It’s not ‘Double Dash’ or ‘Super Circuit’ and it doesn’t share the name of the system like ‘Mario Kart 64’ or ‘Mario Kart DS’. The seventh game in the series is just called ‘Mario Kart 7’.

Naming convention aside, ‘Mario Kart 7’ seems to be everything a ‘Mario Kart’ game should be. Reviews are generally positive and I had a blast with it when I went hands-on last month. Adding new mechanics might complicate things a little bit, but all-in-all you’re not going to be disappointed.

Oregon Trail (Wii, 3DS)

Crave Entertainment published the Irrational Games classic ‘Freedom Force’ and then managed to do nothing worthwhile afterwards. Now, Crave is publishing ‘Oregon Trail’ from Red Wagon Games, developers of absolutely nothing of worth. Combined, they’ve reskinned a game I played in 4th grade and they’re selling it for $29. If it’s more than a reskin, if they’ve changed the game in any significant way, then you’ll almost certainly be getting a worse version of a great game.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with giving classic games graphical upgrades, but this is just ridiculous. If you have an iPhone, you can Apple II emulator that’s legal and free or play the game on Facebook. Or you could shell out thirty bucks to play it on the 3DS.

Face Racers: Photo Finish (3DS)

“Hey, Dick.”

“Yes reader?”

“Mario Kart 7′ is out now, isn’t it?”

“It sure is, and it looks really good!”

“That’s cool, but what if I want a similar game that’s made by a company that specializes in sad licenses like ‘Greg Hastings Paintball’ and games like ‘Zoo Hospital’ that are designed to pander to little girls so they don’t even have to be good to sell.”

“Well, there’s ‘Face Racers’, I guess. It’s a cart racing game that’s coming out the same week as ‘Mario Kart 7’ despite looking far crappier.”

“But I hear you can take a picture and make that your in-game avatar.”

“Yeah, but…”

“So I could totally take a picture of myself naked, so that when my roommate picks up his 3DS to play, he has to see my dong?”

“Get off my blog.”