Looks like I got my wish. The Tick was able to take out Tony Soprano in the first round of TV Madness and will move on. In the other match-up, Kevin Sorbo’s rippling biceps overpowered Sydney Bristow, as Hercules took home a win in the first round as well. Now, let’s take a look at today’s match-ups.

It’s only fitting that Xena’s match-up should come up after Hercules, since his show spawned hers. On the other hand, it’s too bad that she has to go up against Jack Bauer. Even though I knew that I of course had to include Bauer, I hesitated – just like last year’s Movie Madness tournament, when I worried about putting in big guns like Darth Vader and Indiana Jones. Bauer is a heavy favorite to win it all.

Jack Bauer – According to a totally unfounded video that I just watched on Youtube, Jack Bauer killed 265 people over eight seasons. I’m positive that no one in this tournament has anywhere close to that number. He is TV’s preeminent badass. In one season, he went all ‘Lost Boys’ on some dude and ripped out the guy’s jugular with his own teeth. He may be a frontrunner in this tournament, but “Dammit!” he’s earned it.

https://youtu.be/dWcEzrbx90M

Strengths: Uh, he’s Jack Bauer. He saved the world eight times over. And may I reiterate that he killed 265 people? His weapons skills are unmatched, and so is his gruff action hero voice.

Weaknesses: Jack routinely found himself getting tricked or duped, like when he was kidnapped by the Chinese. Luckily, he always found a way to escape, which usually involved upping his body count.

Xena – The Warrior Princess! Her spin-off was born from a small story arc in ‘Hercules’. After that, she went on to become one of the most recognizable buxom, leather-clad warrior women on TV.

Strengths: Xena has quite a lot of skills, not the least of which is her warrior screech. She’s a master of the sword and of pressure points on the body. Besides her flying kick (where she can inexplicably take out a whole group of fighters without touching the ground for a few seconds), the thing I remember most about Xena is her ability to touch certain points of the neck and render her attackers limp and useless.

Weaknesses: Xena’s personal relationships seem to be her weak points. We all know that she and Gabrielle were much more than just buddies, and her daughter Eve was the most important thing to her. Take away either of those people, and that could cause a crippled Xena. Or, you could antagonize her enough that she pressure points you into oblivion.

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In the CRT bracket, we have an interesting match-up between one of TV’s most awesome DIY guys and another butt-kicking female character. MacGyver may be able to defuse a bomb with used chewing gum and a paper clip, but he’s going up against the ‘Dark Angel’. Will he have enough homemade contraptions to counter her ass-kicking?

MacGyver – Over the course of seven seasons, Richard Dean Anderson got out of a ton of life-threatening situations using his ingenuity and his ability to find other uses for household items. MacGyver never handled a gun and always relied on his vast knowledge to get him and others out of crisis after crisis.

Strengths: He’s quite possibly one of the smartest characters to ever grace the TV screen. I’m not talking about Sherlock Holmes smart; I’m talking practical smarts. He could take any household item and essentially save the world with it.

Weaknesses: Again, he never carries a gun and largely resolves his disputes without physical confrontation. This could work against him.

Max Guevara – She’s genetically enhanced to be a beautiful, butt-kicking powerhouse. Her super soldier status doesn’t bode well for a man whose strongest line of defense is a paperclip.

Strengths: Max was genetically altered to be a killing machine. Specifically, she was supplied feline DNA for its physical advantages. She’s super-fast, super-strong, can heal quickly, and can do just about everything when it comes to fighting.

Weaknesses: Max has a genetic design flaw that caused her to have seizures in the first season, but once the second season rolled around, this didn’t seem to ever be a problem again.

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