Perhaps the most disappointing thing about this season of ‘True Blood’ is that, especially in episodes like this week’s, reviewing a new episode isn’t really a matter of liking or disliking it. The episode conjures no strong feelings one way or the other. It’s just a stream of exposition necessary to get through all the important plot-points that the writers want to hit – and sadly nothing more.

I suppose that’s not fair. ‘I Wish I Was the Moon’ has at least one really well-done character moment. Worried that he’s going to transform into a were-panther during the full moon, Jason runs away from town and wanders the woods alone. Sensing his fear via their blood connection, Jessica races out to protect him. They wind up having a nice heart-to-heart conversation in which she admits that she likes being a vampire and doesn’t regret being turned. To calm Jason down, she tells him that he should think happy thoughts. Naturally, Jason immediately starts staring at her chest. It’s funny on the obvious level that Jason is still a horny hound dog, but it also speaks to the unrequited feelings that these two characters have for one another, which neither will admit for fear of hurting Hoyt.

Eventually, Jason realizes that he’s not going to turn into a panther. (Elsewhere in the episode, we learn from Alcide that being a “were-” is solely a hereditary condition. Despite what Crystal may have believed, a human cannot be turned into a were-.) Jason is enormously relieved.

I also have to admit that I kind of enojyed the storyline in which Tommy discovers that killing his parents has given him the ability to shift into another human form. Specifically, he’s shocked when he suddenly takes the form of Sam. Tommy’s has been one of my least favorite storylines this season, because I just don’t give a crap what happens to the character. This body-swapping angle also isn’t particularly the most original plot a show like this could have. (It seems like every series with any kind of supernatural theme eventually does this at some point.) Nevertheless, actor Sam Trammell does a really good job of mimicking what Tommy would act like if he were pretending to be Sam. He has a lot of fun with Tommy/Sam wrecking the real Sam’s life. Among other things, he fires Sookie from the diner, sleeps with Sam’s girlfriend Luna, and then pisses Luna off so much that she breaks up with him (Sam). And the real Sam doesn’t know any of this yet.

Given how much I’ve just written above, it almost sounds like I do like the episode. Unfortunately, these are just fleeting moments in an hour that otherwise just mechanically progresses from plot-point to plot-point as if checking them off from a list. In that spirit, that’s exactly how I’m going to cover the rest of the episode. Here are some of the important things that happen:

• Bill arrests Eric and asks Nan Flanigan for permission to put him to the true death. Eric dutifully supplicates himself to his king, and apologizes for having been disobedient in the past. Bill acts like he’s going to stake Eric anyway, but eventually lets him go.
• Arlene and Terry’s house burns down. Arlene thinks the baby did it. Still, nobody at all suspects that it’s the damn creepy doll doing all these evil things. Duh.
• Andy convinces Holly the witch to go on a date with him.
• Tara tells her girlfriend everything about who she is and what happened to her. This storyline is exceedingly tedious.
• Against Alcide’s wishes, Debbie joins the werewolf pack in Shreveport. He’s really pissed and thinks that she’s going back to her old ways. However, it turns out that the packmaster may not be such a bad guy after all. Maybe it is possible for werewolves to build a community without being evil.
• Marnie allows herself to be fully possessed by the witch spirit Antonia. It looks like Antonia’s going to bust her way out of Bill’s prison.
• Jesus’ scary grandpa tricks him into getting bitten by a rattlesnake. Lafayette freaks out until he’s suddenly possessed by the spirit of “Uncle Luca,” which somehow results in Jesus not dying from the poison. This storyline really needs to start going somewhere soon. Lafayette and Jesus fled to Mexico because they thought they were being pursued by vampires. Given that they actually aren’t being pursued by vampires, what’s the point of spending so much screen time on this?
• Pam attacks Tara. This girl just does not have good luck with vampires.
• Sam discovers Tommy (in his regular form) lying unconscious in a pool of vomit.

The episode ends with a bit of long-awaited fan service as Eric meets up with Sookie, and the two of them make sweet naked love in the woods. I guess that this is supposed to be a momentous turn of events, but it feels incredibly forced and contrived. Sookie hasn’t even had time to get over Bill yet, and she’s already tearing her clothes off for Eric, a character she hated just a few episodes ago. Then again, I remember that Sookie has pretty much always been a slutty bitch.

All I could think about during this scene was how uncomfortable it must have been for Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill) to show up for work that day and watch his real-life wife rub her sweaty naked body all over Alexander Skarsgard. Awkward!

[Banner image screen cap from Skarsgardfans.com.]