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Weekend Roundtable: I’m Too Old for This Sh–

Each pushing 70 years of age, both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone have new action movies in theaters this year. In this week’s Roundtable, we discuss other ridiculous examples of over-the-hill actors and actresses trying to relive past glory when they probably should just call it a day.

Any genre is fair game for this topic. We’re not limited to just action movies.

Luke Hickman

This one is easy, and I suspect that I won’t be the only person to drop the name Adam Sandler. What happened to this guy? I loved the early days of Sandler’s career: ‘Saturday Night Live’, ‘Billy Madison’, ‘Happy Gilmore’, etc. Why doesn’t he make more movies like that? Instead, he pumps out crap like ‘Jack and Jill‘ and ‘Grown Ups‘. I’m baffled at how far he can stretch the skidmarks of his career. And how did Judd Apatow coax Sandler into playing a straight realistic version of himself in ‘Funny People‘? That movie basically mocked his pathetic career, yet after it, he went right back to making more of the same junk. Rumors recently leaked that Marvel wants Sandler for a role in ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’. Here I was thinking that a talking raccoon with a rocket launcher would ruin Marvel Studios’ track record, but if Sandler gets cast, he will mark the new low. It’s time for Adam Sandler to take a bow. The fat Opera Man has been singing for a long time.

Shannon Nutt

Anyone remember the last time Billy Crystal made a funny movie? Yeah, it was a head-scratcher for me as well. Turns out you have to go all the way back to 1999′s ‘Analyze This‘, and even then, a big chunk of that movie’s success was due to Robert De Niro. Billy had a nice run hosting the Oscars in the 1990s, but his recent return proved that whatever magic he used to have has long since disappeared. His latest film, ‘Parental Guidance’, seems like little more than an effort by Mr. Crystal to prove he’s still relevant, and/or to line his pockets for retirement. There was a time when Billy was the King of Comedy. Sadly, those days are long gone.

Mike Attebery

‘Righteous Kill’ is a 2-for-1 case of being too old for said shit. I never saw the movie, but when I saw the ads, and especially the posters for this 2008 crime thriller, I wondered why the graphic designer clearly hated Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. I mean, look at that poster!! Have you ever seen less flattering marketing materials for a major film featuring two A-list Hollywood stars? Then there’s the trailer, in which Al and Bobby look, well, very sleepy. The liveliest thing about that was the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil,” which did everything it could to give the preview a shot in the arm, but by the end only reminds you how old Pacino and Bobby seem, even for their ages. Then you think about Mick Jagger and realize how much livelier that crazed marionette of a rock star still is today, and he’s a month De Niro’s senior!

Brian Hoss

An actor’s age is not the only factor that makes reliving past glory a ridiculous exercise. Just ask Kurt Russell. I, like most people, including ‘Metal Gear Solid’ creator Hideo Kojima, have an affinity for ‘Escape from New York‘ and its badass anti-hero, Snake Plissken. Even so, the attempt to rekindle that old magic by Russell, Carpenter and co. resulted in the 1996 debacle ‘Escape from LA‘, a movie that I like to pretend was never made. Had the movie been made in 1986, a serious franchise might have been born, but by 1996, no amount of love by the principals for the property could save it.

M. Enois Duarte

I think Miley Cyrus is way past her prime. Weird as that may sound, especially since she’s only 20-years-old, the young pop singer has starred in three failed movies back to back. In her attempts to distance herself from her former Disney image, she has only succeeded in proving that she’s a horrible actress and that her name signals box office disaster. It’s amazing that at such a young age, I would recommend that she retire to save further embarrassment, like what occurred with ‘LOL‘. Her last movie, ‘So Undercover‘, was even changed at the last minute from theatrical release to direct-to-video, which shows that studios are also noticing how Cyrus’s career has taken a nosedive. She really needs to call it quits.

Josh Zyber

Other than Sharon Stone and her agent, who in the world clamored for a sequel to ‘Basic Instinct’ 14 goddamn years after the original? No one, that’s who. No one. Nevertheless, her career at an ebb, the one-time sex vixen attempted to revive her most famous role in ‘Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addition‘, an unneeded, unwanted, undeserved and nearly unwatchable follow-up to Paul Verhoeven’s trashy classic. To be fair, Stone was still a damn fine-looking lady at 48-years-old when the sequel was released, but too much time had passed and the character was long-since done. Frankly, watching the actress try to vamp it up as psycho-slut Catherine Tramell again is just a little sad.

What other movies have you seen that made you wish the actor or actress would just retire already? Tell us in the Comments.

17 comments

  1. I’m not sure how Kurt Russell fits into this as Escape From LA was made what, almost 15 years ago? He’s done other stuff since then, yeah it was far from being up the par compared to the first one and it essentially was the same movie all over again, but I cant help still loving its badness, Kurt Russell back in the 90s with a bad sequel I dont think really fits what this round table is about

  2. Pyronaut

    I hate to say it, but all the old action starts doing straight to video small budget flicks (Van Damme, Seagal, Lundgren etc.). Even Christian Slater and Cuba Gooding Jr. are in the club, which is sad, because Gooding Jr. isn’t even that old.

    I’d rather them just do a good(ish) theatrical movie every once in a while (e.g. Expendables) than the straight to DVD stuff, but I guess they gotta eat too.

  3. Kevin

    I’m probably going to catch hell for this, but William Shatner, James Doohan, and Walter Koenig as James T. Kirk, Montgomery Scott, and Pavel Chekov respectively in “Star Trek: Generations” and Leonard Nimoy as Spock in “Star Trek” (2009).

    “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country” was the PERFECT end for that group of actors as those characters (especially by the time you get to their signatures flashing across the screen at the end of the film). And while I like both of those films, and while I can/do enjoy their time on screen, and I do understand why they were brought back for those films, there was absolutely no real need to have those guys play those characters again.

  4. Dan

    You forgot Matt Dillon. He plays the same character in every single movie. I won’t watch him in any movies any more.

  5. Brown

    While I agree that Stallone, Willis, etc. may be a bit long in the tooth, but where are the “men” in the current generation of actors to replace them? Who among these 5′ 4″ angst-ridden metrosexuals can possibly become a true icon?

  6. Rob

    Sly, Arnold, Bruce etc. are legends. They created their own genre, super-sized action movies, that made a lot of money globally & made them icons eternally. I think they should keep going as much as they can. Aged action heroes are in, look at Liam Neeson & Denzel Washington. I’d watch Sly & Bruce in movies for as long as they can make them, and many others will agree.

  7. Dustin

    I agree about the “where are the men” in this generation question. The ones who are out there can’t seem to find money making vehicles, like karl Urban. Vin Diesel is good, but where is he lately? Jason Statham is basically the new Steven Seagal, his movies are very similar, similar titles, and in each one he is an unstoppable badass. Only a matter of time before his movies start going direct to video.

    Tom hardy maybe, but Gosling is more of an actor not an action star. I measure an actors action star-ness by picturing how he’d fare against Predator. :)… Course I can’t explain Adrian Brody…

  8. From John Wayne came Clint and down to Stallone, and the rest. Stallone at near 70 is in better shape than most of the wimps in Hollywood now. As long as the movie has a story to hook people and explosions that action fans like why stop.

    John Wayne was still kicking butt in his late 60s into his 70s.

    As long as those guys are having fun and the movies are selling tickets, why not keep going?

  9. William Henley

    I can’t remember what the trailer was for, but saw some trailer a few weeks ago for a romantic comedy staring actors that were all in their 50s and 60s. Now, I am not saying that an actor shouldn’t act when they hit a certain age, I am saying that they should stop being cast in certain rows. I think Julie Andrews is a great example of an Actress who has made a great transition – she was great in The Princess Diaries, and she does some great voice work. As long as they don’t try to make her a singing Nanny again, she should be great. Her voice and demenor at her advanced age is great for playing royal characters.

    Another actor who made the transition really well was Sean Connery. In fact, I think I prefer his later works to his earlier works.

    Morgan Freeman also seems to keep getting better.

    But that isn’t what this roundtable is about. So let’s make a list of actors who should call it quits:

    William Shatner, Meryl Streep, Mark Hammel, Meg Ryan, Katey Sagal (she can continue to do voice work – yay Futurama), Kate Mulgrew (mainly because she is too typecast and it is hard to accept her in any row since Star Trek), Mary-Kate Olsen (I applaud her for doing stuff without her sister, but neither are that good), Tommy Lee Jones.

    Kurt Russell might be able to go a few more years with some Botox, but I don’t think he has more than a couple of good years left in him.

    Charlie Sheen would be acceptable if he were to grow up and start acting his age, its just annoying watching a 47-year old actor act like he is still 25 or 30. I expect him to have a couple of good years left for the type of row he has been playing over the past decade or so, but he should really start diversifying now, or else he will end up just being annoying.

    Lindsay Lohan. The girl should just disappear for 5-10 years, get herself cleaned up in some Asian monestary or something, then come back. Casting Lohan in a movie right now is about as bad as casting Cyrus in a movie. She is so annoying right now, that I have actually NOT seen movies simply because she was cast in them.

  10. RollTide1017

    I’m just surprised that no one mentioned Harrison Ford and Indiana Jone and the KOTCS. Of course I would have disagreed with them because I like that movie but, it’s not often someone on this site skips a chance to make fun of that movie. I’m sure Daniel would have mentioned Drew Barrymore in ET. J/k

    • William Henley

      Harrison Ford is one of those people who has transitioned well into other roles. Granted, he is too old to do Indiana Jones anymore, but he is still a fun actor, and I buy most of the roles they cast him in.

  11. Dimwit

    It’s not the age, it’s the property. If the actor is in a project that’s image and ability appropriate role then it’s fine. Think RED. If, OTOH, they keep trying to relive the past, it doesn’t work and looks terrible.

    The “I’m too old… ” line is trying to work as a get out of jail free card, we give them a pass because they acknowledge their age, but if the rest of the flic has them doing the usual, then that doesn’t work either.