It didn’t look good for Godzilla going into the Monster Madness tournament’s Slimy Sixteen. The Blob seemed unbeatable. However, it turns out that radioactive breath does wonders against ever-expanding ooze. Also, there’s one less evil doll in the world thanks to a flock of ravenous birds.
Both of these monsters hunt, but in different ways. Predator enjoys tracking his prey, methodically destroying its mental state before he strikes. Grendel is more of a smash-and-grab type of guy. He just barrels his way into a village and starts eating poor villagers. Which hunting method will come out on top?
Predator – It’s been a while since we last heard from the alien hunter. He’s had a tough road up to this point. He faced Pale Man in the first round. If any monster in this tournament should make other monsters shit their pants, it’d be Pale Man. Predator, even with his grotesque mandibles and reptilian appearance, would look at Pale Man and say, “Now that’s messed up!” After facing down an unadulterated nightmare, Predator next took on Satan himself and came out victorious. So, he’s defeated pure evil and evil incarnate. Is there anything Predator can’t kill?
Secret Weapon: He has the advantage of space-age sci-fi gadgetry like sweet weapons, invisibility, heat vision and the ability to track and kill anything, anywhere, anytime.
Grendel – The revolting monstrous fable has survived in this tournament for this long simply by crushing skulls before his gets crushed. He doesn’t have any special skills other than being strong and mean.
Secret Weapon: An insatiable thirst for wanton destruction.
Grendel vs. Predator
- Predator (94%, 61 Votes)
- Grendel (6%, 4 Votes)
Total Voters: 65
I feel like throwing up my hands and saying, “Who the hell knows?!” A demonic spirit from Middle Earth goes face-to-shell with a deadly turtle that can hurtle itself through space with rockets in its butt. I can tell that this match-up will come down to the wire.
Balrog – Now that’s one mythical flaming badass! One wonders what destruction the Balrog could’ve caused if it hadn’t met its fate by confronting a wizard. I long for a spin-off ‘Lord of the Rings’ movie where a Balrog escapes and wreaks havoc on humanity and those damned smug elves.
Secret Weapon: Two words: Flaming whip.
Gamera – We’ve covered, ad nauseam, the fact that Gamera has a rocket-boosting ass. I still wonder where he continuously fills up with jet fuel. I also know that there’s a fart joke to be made here, but I’m above such sophomoric humor.
Secret Weapon: Ah, who am I kidding? Ass rockets! That’s the single most awesome power in the tournament.
Gamera vs. Balrog
- Balrog (52%, 34 Votes)
- Gamera (48%, 31 Votes)
Total Voters: 65