‘Entourage’ Review: The Bros Are Back

'Entourage'

Movie Rating:

0.5

The best thing that can be said about the ‘Entourage’ movie is that fans of the HBO series should love it. Unfortunately, that’s also the worst thing that can be said about the movie, given that the bros who love this multimillion dollar ode to bro-ness don’t tend to demand much in their entertainment beyond lifestyle porn and casual misogyny.

There’s really nothing here to like, especially since series creator/writer/director Doug Ellin managed to come up with a story that ensures all the characters are in pretty much the exact same place that they were at the end of the movie as they were when it began. You know, like a bad TV series.

To show just how vapid the series was (and to double down on the douche content), the filmmakers kick things off by summing up eight seasons worth of television with a single Piers Morgan montage. Adrian Grenier plays Vinnie Chase, the attractive/famous movie star (still his character’s only personality traits). Kevin Dillon plays his burnout actor brother Johnny. Jerry Ferrara plays his driver Turtle, who is now very rich (that’s supposed to be a joke), and Kevin Connolly plays his manager/bestie/whatever Eric.

Then there’s Jeremy Piven as Ari Gold, Vinnie’s particularly dickish agent, who’s now the head of a studio and put all his clout and money into greenlighting some sort of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde blockbuster for Vinnie to both star in and direct. Vinnie won’t show him the almost final cut of the movie, but needs completion money, so Ari is forced to suck up to a Texas billionaire financier (Billy Bob Thornton) and his idiot son (Haley Joel Osment). On top of that, Eric’s on-again/off-again girlfriend is pregnant so they may have to be on again. Johnny is up to something or other, and Turtle is trying to hook up with UFC fighter Ronda Rousey. (If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen that entire subplot – seriously, all of it.)

That might sound like a lot of plot threads given how many characters are involved, but it’s shocking how little actually happens in the movie. These aren’t really storylines; they’re just premises, the type of thing that creator-turned-director Ellin used to bring into his ‘Entourage’ writers’ room hoping that they could be fleshed out. Since a movie is shorter than a TV season, none of the stories really go anywhere. They’re just stuff that happens, very inconsequential and stupid stuff with no meaning. So why does it all happen, you might ask? Well, to provide a vehicle for the real selling points of ‘Entourage’: gaudy excess, celebrity cameos, swearing and T&A.

Seeing celebrities play a-hole versions of themselves was tired by the time ‘Entourage’ first came around, and a meager feature running time means that the celebrities are just sight gags with middle fingers. As for the swearing and T&A, the weirdest thing about watching this movie is remembering a time when a TV show seemed edgy and interesting simply because it had swears and boobs. ‘Entourage’ coasted on that for a while, but that novelty has long worn off. Not to mention that this isn’t even a TV spinoff movie like ‘South Park’ that benefits from an R-rating to allow the creators to get away with more on the big screen than they could have on the small one. The TV version of ‘Entourage’ already got away with anything it wanted on HBO, including full-frontal nudity. If anything, Ellin and company can do less with their movie. Given the fact that all this R-rated nonsense only fuels hateful, wasteful and demeaning boneheaded bro fantasies, who even cares?

What exactly is the movie supposed to offer? A return of beloved characters? None of the characters were ever that interesting beyond Piven’s Maximus Dickus (and even he got tiresome before the show ended). Maybe there are some unfinished character arcs to tie up? No, not really. Even if there were, nothing of consequence happens here.

Truthfully, it’s hard to say what anyone will get out of the movie. Even the ‘Sex and the City’ movies that were equally superfluous were at least insane. Doug Ellin and the ‘Entourage’ gang can’t even be bothered to jump the shark in style or delve deeper into bad taste than ever before. They’ve merely delivered a big limp extension to a limp series that proves how empty ‘Entourage’ always was by tossing it up on a bigger canvas.

The movie is like the biggest and most expensive selfie ever taken by Doug Ellin, with a bunch of half-embarrassed celebrities in the background. Like all selfies, it’s a useless waste of time that does little beyond satisfying some egos. There won’t be a worse movie than ‘Entourage’ shat out of Hollywood this year. Period.

21 comments

  1. The first two, maybe three seasons of Entourage were great entertainment. That Aquaman arc with James Cameron was terrific. Unfortunately, the show dragged on and on and on, endlessly repeating itself without bringing anything new. I didn’t even bother to finish the last season, and I don’t feel like I missed anything.

    I don’t see any need for this movie. I don’t know who would be excited for it. The show already drove the concept and the characters into the ground.

      • Even the Medellin stuff was more interesting than Turtle trying to run a tequila company, or that super-annoying girlfriend E had who looked like she was about 12.

  2. Timcharger

    The film may really suck. Haven’t seen it, so I don’t know.
    And Phil certainly believes it sucks. But the review reads
    more about Phil’s hatred of the T.V. series.

    It’s not fair to approach this with a clean slate, and ask a
    reviewer to wipe clean all his preconceptions. At the same
    time, it’s unfair to make a list of what the reviewer hated
    before, and watch the film with a checklist to simply check
    off.

    For the fans, Phil says it will please the fans. That’s a
    review.

    For the pre-haters, Phil says they will hate it. That’s a
    review too, I guess.

    For the uninitiated or those who only have passing
    knowledge that such a show existed, where’s that
    review?

      • timcharger

        Not to new viewers, they are “fresh” characters to them.

        A is the group of diehard fans.
        B is the group who hated the TV series.
        C is the group who has little or no knowledge of the series.

        Isn’t C the largest group?
        A is going to watch anyway.
        B wasn’t going buy a ticket.
        C would benefit the most from reading a review to help decide.

        Your review spent the 1st sentence on A.
        And the rest on B, I thought.

        • Phil Brown

          I see your point, but I honestly don’t think the people who made or distributed the movie cared much about C.

  3. Al

    Why did it receive a half of a star? Sounds like a zero-star film, to me. I’m curious, what did you actually give it credit for?

  4. Timcharger

    Not like ALL selfies…
    Phil: “Like all selfies, it’s a useless waste of time that does little beyond satisfying some egos.”

    Sometimes, it’s to also include the cameraman/woman.
    You know, so no one gets left out. Camaraderie stuff.

    And…
    Phil: “The movie is like the biggest and most expensive selfie ever taken by Doug Ellin.”

    Doesn’t Ellin need to be in the picture to be considered a selfie?
    Don’t let facts get in the way of a witty writing, I say.

    Sounding good with witty jabs in a review does match a film that
    may be more about looking good. Seem appropriate.

    • Phil Brown

      Ellin’s in it at the end and his cameo involves taking a picture of the whole Entourage gang (not to mention the fact that he made sure his name hit the screen at least 5 times in the opening credits). But thanks for your continued support Tim.

      • timcharger

        Ellin literally takes a selfie in his cameo?!

        And I thought you came up with a witty jab. The review writes itself.

  5. This review seems to be preconceived and was planned to be a teardown of something the reviewer clearly didn’t like before he sat down to watch it. Seems like a waste of space and time to even bother writing a review if that is there are preconceived negative feelings for something. Its like having a judge on a trial that has a relationship with the defendant. And that defendant was the judges ex-girlfriend that really hurt his feelings a long time ago.

    I read this review like the reviewer and the Entourage series used to be really close and then Entourage broke up with him and he is very bitter now. Or the movie reminds him of that click of guys he always wanted to be a part of him but they laughed at him and teased him all the time and never let him join the gang.

    Most of this review is an indictment on the TV series. And, also on the people that like the show. Obviously, a lot of people liked this show since it was so popular. I could personally care less since it never appealed to me enough to watch it unless it just happened to be on.

    The end of the review comment about a selfie doesn’t make sense. It actually makes the reviewer look like he is out of touch with what is hip and part of pop culture. And the statement about egos seems clearly off base since, all movies are about peoples egos and this one is about people in the movie business… how can it now be fueled by ego.

    There has got to be some quote there that says something like… to call out others as douchie seams like a douchie move. I look forward to many future reviews from this reviewer lambasting anything any actor from this series does in the future and recalling this series as justification for that actors complete lack of talent.

    Now, I can’t wait for the big screen version of Rich Kids from Beverly Hills.

    • Timcharger

      Phil, I said all this, but in a much nicer way. Wasn’t I nicer in my comments?
      And I am not Eric, for the record.

    • C.C. 95

      -“It actually makes the reviewer look like he is out of touch with what is hip and part of pop culture.”
      You mean like a movie of a show from 8 years ago! If you think there is anything hip and ‘in touch’ here- you gotta check out this other show Seinfeld. I hear it is happening.
      Good for you, knowing what is hip with the young kids.

      • Timcharger

        I don’t go as far as Eric in his harshness, but his comment is correct.
        He was talking about Phil’s line about selfies.
        It is Phil that had the extreme opinion on selfies that is out of touch with pop culture.

        Phil: “Like ALL selfies, it’s a useless waste of time that does little beyond satisfying some egos.”

        Spend a few minutes at any tourist landmark, you’ll see a family
        use a selfie stick to capture the whole family or a whole group of friends.
        Such egos to want to include the cameraman into the shot.

        • Would it help if I edited the word “virtually” into Phil’s sentence, to account for the 0.00001% of selfies that aren’t an ego-driven, useless waste of time? Would that make you feel better, Tim? 🙂

          • Timcharger

            How many selfies are you, your wife, and your twins in?
            0.00001% of your family pictures? I travel with a nanny,
            chauffeur, but no personal cameraman, so we have to do
            selfies for family shots. (sarcasm emoticon)

            You’ll think of me when wifey pulls out a selfie stick.
            “Honey you bought that? Timcharger was right!”
            “Who’s Timcharger, Josh?”
            “My nemesis!”

            I do appreciate you typing in the: 🙂

            —–

            Side note: why complain about all the egotistical selfies
            posted on Facebook and the internet? Why are you (not
            necessarily you Josh) constantly scrolling to see them all?
            There would be less of them, if no one is looking at them.

    • Phil Brown

      Hi Eric. Unfortunately since being a fan of movies is a major job requirement of a film critic, it’s going to be pretty hard for me not to have preconceived notions of at least a few movies that I write about. I’m sorry that I didn’t like Entourage because that seemed to really upset you and it was never my intention to hurt you personally. But other than that, I’m sad to say that I don’t fit any of your assumptions regarding my life history or psychology. It’s a real shame because now I know how much you hate it when preconceived notions are wrong.

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